Staying Stopped - Alcohol Free, permanently.

[Drybird2020]

This thread is a kind and supportive environment for anyone committing to an alcohol free life.

From Day 1 onwards, you are welcome here for support, encouragement, tips and chat. There are many of us, at different points on the journey some have been sober for years, months, or weeks, others are just starting out, but all are
committed to an alcohol free life and the freedoms it brings...

Freedom from the tyranny of booze and the effort of figuring out how much to drink, and how and when to procure and drink it.

Freedom from guilt, self loathing, and 3am wake ups, and the fear of what might have been said and done the night before.

Freedom from the pervasive sense of dread and shame.

Freedom to embrace life with energy, and to face challenges with an uncluttered head, a lighter heart, and a lighter recycling bin.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to hang out and ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

I check in here every day as part of my recovery. It has kept me accountable, and the wonderful posters who contribute have helped me more than they could possibly know. This is day 137, and I'll be here for a long time!

Thank you @cyllie33 i have just ordered that reviews are good. Hope you are doing well with ur AF life

@Jlou0712 I like Claire Pooley's book and blog "mummy was a secret drinker". I find her funny, honest and relatable.

Annie Grace "This Naked Mind" is great for presenting the science in layman's terms. She is also responsible for The 30 Day Alcohol Experiment and she has done numerous podcasts and youtube videos you can dip into.

Thank you Drybird2020 just had a look at Claire Pooleys website. Cant wait to feel all these benefits of a new lifestyle 4days AF so still a long way to go. Al start feeling it after 7days or so so il be on here for some motivation 😊

Evening all. Despite veering towards some sketchy excuses for deserving wine this eve, I piled as many carbs as I could into me at teatime and now chilling out with my kids and a brew in bed. Witching hour avoided. Thank you for the encouragement @drybird2020, @cyllie33 and @hangingover, I've kept it in mind today when wavering .
@Hangingover unfortunately dh is a big drinker and despite being a really lovely, kind and caring guy, I think would prefer me to drink than not. He drinks far more than I ever do and it's caused a lot of issues between us over the years. I don't think he'd have it in him to support me with this sadly.
I hope you've all had a great day and wishing everyone a lovely peaceful evening.

@Holyjebus been meaning to reply to your post about the smoking, I too have fallen off the wagon recently after having quit for years😭

I prioritised getting sober but now that I am 8 weeks sober I am ready to really try quitting again. I’ve just had my first smoke free day. Let me know when you are ready to quit/or not but you just want to rant!!! I feel your pain!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies I've just finished Alan Carr's easy way to stop smoking and have finished my last cig so here goes!!
It's absolutely crazy for me to go back smoking after this long. It just goes to show how easy it is to get hooked again though.
Best of luck 😘

ECig is my next thing to go, i have also stopped for years but then started an ecig when i was drinking. 😔 Now hooked on that but i will come off that also want to get back to the person i was. Actually sat here tonight thinking about all the times when you think you should drink nice weather, holidays, parties, christmas. Its just engrained in my mind this is what u do. Feels pretty sad but def going to have to change my way of thinking. I cant do 1 or 2 its all or nothing. Remember a friend saying to me not so long ago she drinks a bottle of wine in just over an hr as if that was bad. I could honestly finish a bottle in 20mins..😔

That sucks CalmTea sorry to here DH probably won't be supportive if it were me I'd keep on and on and on about it until he stopped offering!

I do get why people with drink problems hassle those who have given up to drink - I'm ashamed to say I've done the "oh go on just have one don't be boring!" thing when colleagues have given up. It was entirely because their giving up made me aware how out of control my own drinking was.

I've realised I was counting the days wrong, I'm actually starting day 12 here, hurrah! Still feeling strong although I get blasts of temptation and intrusive thoughts eg. what about holidays, no more nights out with DP etc but I squash them down - will cross that bridge when I come to it!

What a lovely thread!

I'm long term sober, 10.5 years. I recall vividly the early days and how difficult it was, everything triggered me to want to drink. Tv programmes, eating out, days out. For years everything had been around alcohol. I had a few consequences via work and drink driving and was the wake up call I needed. I thought everything would be amazing when I stopped drinking but unfortunately I'm still me with lots of defects. I am much happier, calmer and my life is much calmer. Well done everyone, for those early sobriety, believe me, it gets much easier

@Hangingover I too have been a drink pusher in my time at social things, probably because I have wanted to get messy and need everyone on board so no one was sober and judging or remembering my drunkness! DH is more of an offerer, I'm not sure why exactly. But it will be to do with him and his drinking habits rather than me and mine. It won't change.
Excellent work on being on day 12, that's nearly half a month!

Isn't it ridiculous how our brains try to focus on "how will I cope at Christmas/holiday etc" when we should just be focusing on not drinking that day? That kind of thought happens to me constantly when I try to quit, and often results in me throwing in the towel and drinking on a non-event weeknight! @Jlou0712 I was thinking about all those celebratiory times and how I'll cope without drinking, but actually in recent years the amount I end up drinking has put a dampener on these events and left me feeling very ill and shame on holidays etc. Somehow carefree celebratory drinking seems to turn into downing stuff too fast and blacking out then waking up at 3am with the horrors and worried how my kids saw me. Then, especially on holiday, starting drinking earlier to shake the hangover anxiety. I don't want that anymore. It no longer works for me but I don't know any other way!

@Bottomplasters wow to 10 years sober! Well done and it's so nice to hear how calm you are now. How long did it take for you to reprogram your brain and not just associate every meal out etc with a big glass of wine or ?

@Holyjebus good luck with quitting the fags. I remember that Allan Carr book being really useful to me. You can do this and it will be well worth it.

Thank you for your lovely words of encouragement @Bottomplasters, it's a big help to us all.

@Hangingover and @CalmTea, at some point, there is the realisation that you are in charge. And that Christmas, holidays, whatever, are not excuses any more. Drinkers look for permission to drink to justify it to themselves. They've had a good day, a bad day, it's wine o'clock. You need to recognise, acknowledge and dismiss these triggers, they are based on a non existent belief that drinking makes you a happier person.

It takes a while to work through that triggering process in your head, but eventually it will become automatic, and finally, you won't even get these thoughts at all.

@Holyjebus oh yay you quit, well done!!! I’m also just reading the Alan Carr book! So pleased I didn’t smoke yesterday. Luckily I don’t have physical withdrawal (like with alcohol it is more a psychological reliance for me), but of course I still have the mental addiction to battle with... We can do this though!💪

Thanks everyone! I can't wait to be free of the stinking habit.
I'm sad to say I caved and drank a bottle of wine yesterday, I didn't enjoy it one bit and now I feel awful today, groggy and full of remorse.
Oh well, back to my day 1 today 😢

@calmtea

In my case also i drink to much and ruin eveeything. Honestly wont miss waking up ill fully clothed on my bed, with no recollection of the evening and feeling absolutly horrendous for days. I feel so bad i have got myself into this situation but i feel better now i realise it doesnt have to be this way. Coming on for day 6 for me and tbh i cant wait till its day 60 im going to be so proud of myself (fingers crossed no slip ups along the way) good luck everyone

@holjebus

Dont beat urself up. Im scared of slip ups but least you didnt enjoy it and know you made a mistake. Every day is a fresh start!

@Holyjebus easier said than done, but, try and drawn and line under it and move forward, don't dwell on it and stew. Remember how great you'd been doing, what progress you'd made and how good you had been feeling.

I was wondering if anybody was on the club soda Facebook page? I thought wouldn't it be funny if some of us were and we'd been chatting on there too, and didn't realise we knew each other from here as well😂

Holyjebus Was it wanting a drink with your lady cigarette that did it? Totally Understandable.

Last- doh

CalmTea gosh you and me sound cut from the same cloth. Everything you say resonates with me.

I feel absolutely dreadful again this evening. Absolutely wiped out, dizzy, queasy. How the hell do people manage quitting and holding down a job at the same time. Just want to curl up in bed and not get up.

Actually I may as well as another bit... Have cried a fair few times today. Have been thinking about the reasons I started drinking heavily to begin with. It was because of trauma resulting in crippling anxiety - anxiety I've been drinking to deaden ever since. It's the same reason I got hooked on benzos - it helped to turn myself off for a few hours and forget. How pathetic I feel now! It wasn't that I thought alcohol made me happier it's that (like a lot of addicts I expect) I was chasing oblivion. Does anyone know if Annie does a chapter about Trauma in naked mind? I'm about halfway through and while it is speaking to me I feel like I'm more screwed up than the average person it's aimed at.

Sorry to get so heavy.

Hanginover, im so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Sending you virtual hugs and you are so brave and strong to tackle alcohol when you're feeling this way. Super well done.
@iamyourequal i don't know what possessed me really, i had finished work earlier than expected and I thought 'sod it', I'll have a few glasses. Of course I didn't have a few. Just knocked it all back 😡
@jess3817 yea it's done now, I'm not going to dwell.

@Hangingover - do not feel pathetic! I was drinking fairly heavily, then 4 years ago my younger brother suddenly died, wich resulted in me drinking to find oblivion - similar to you - so I didn't have to feel anything. Any other problems I had with anything else after this I dealt with by drinking because it meant I didn't have to think about it. I'm still dealing with a lot of the feelings I covered up. They seem to come in waves, and I have to ride it out and try and deal with it somehow. It sounds like it's easier for me as I'm a bit further along than you but it's really not. I think we have to , and get to, feel all the feelings and meet them head on and bounce our way through them as best we can. You can do it x
Another thing I've discovered about myself is that I have little obsessions. I get an idea about something and for about a week, it seems to consume me, I think about it all day and all night when I'm not busy etc. I've had to get a note book and start writing it all day otherwise my head will explode.😂 I cant switch my head off its driving me nuts

*down not day

@jess3817 I can totally relate to your post. My brother was killed whilst out walking and it really spiralled my drinking out of control. I couldn't deal with my emotions and went totally off the rails. I believe that was the start of my drinking problems.