Day 4 of giving up alcohol

[Saltypotato]

Hi all,

I am on another thread that started in Jan and is still running. We all started together and the support was immense, it was the only thing that got me through the first month. At the end of Jan/beginning of Feb I started having 'just the one' and we all know how that goes if you have a problem. The group are now at 100 days and whilst I love checking in they aren't at the starting stage I am at the moment.

Lockdown has meant I am out of routine and haven't had a reason to keep my drinking under control (no work, not driving etc) so after drinking every night since it began I ended up passing my last full bottle of booze to a friend a few days ago and making an attempt to give up.

That was a few days ago, I am just starting my day 4. It's been easier than I thought as there isnt the option of just popping out to the shop so I'm not taunting myself. I have got a bottle of vodka and one of gin in my amazon cart that I keep hovering over buying but its on a few days lead time so I don't want it to arrive when I'm a week in and undo my hard work. That thought is stopping me.

But we have to go out today for essentials and tonight I have a zoom call with friends in the "pub". I am really tempted to get something whilst I'm out and my brain is doing the 'oh you deserve it, its a stressful time' and 'you can just have two to join in' (from experience, I can't)

If anyone else is feeling similar or just started their journey into the wonderful world of tonic water please join me. Strength in numbers, right?

Hello everyone busy few days trip to Moorfields eye hospital in London I’m a patient there and have been for 21 years, but after 3 in one operation last November for 2 months I could read a magazine without a magnifying glass, nose on page, but last Saturday blurred vision came back and back to reading with magnifying glass, they reassured me the retina is safe the lens is fine as well, no infections or swelling so just a medical mystery as to why it’s happened, still bitter lemon as usual, planning 21st day of celebration on 12 of August to celebrate 21 years with best eye hospital ..

hololane I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's good you know you've got the best team to support you

SophiB thank you, you're right, moderation is way harder. I don't know why my brain is pestering me for an answer constantly. I'm definitely trying to focus on one day at a time for now, thank you

MissConduct that's really inspiring, thanks.

Only one strong craving yesterday arranging a quiz night. Why does my brain automatically insist I need a glass of wine for a quiz for goodness sake! I will be buying some nice non alcoholic drinks to enjoy instead.

Hope you're all doing ok

I just posted in error on the abstaining thread, have asked MN to delete.

Hi, can I join please? I had my first AF day two days ago in, well I don't actually know how long. I had 1 AF day last week and god knows when before that.

Sunday was my wake up call - I drank 2.5 bottles of wine. I've been drinking 1-2 bottles a day, some days gin. It's horrific. I have gained weight, mostly around my tummy, I'm sluggish, unmotivated, but I hide it very well. I look the worst I have in years. DH has been drinking 3-4 beers a night, so not quite as bad, but last night we bboth had awful dreams! So vivid! Is that typical?

I used to be 'a bottle Friday, a bottle Saturday' and whilst it's still too much, to get back to that would be a huge achievement, and I could then look to cut down further.

I'm not really sure what I will drink instead, I quite like a nice cuppa after dinner, but to we have lined up some TV series to watch - I might make the end of an episode without falling asleep! I also don't want my kids to see me in that state, falling asleep every night, not able to remember conversations, or going to bed.

I haven't 2 back-to-back AF days for a very very long time, and I didn't waver at all last night, so that's really encouraging. A wine glass gift has just arrived from my best friend, but I've told DH I'm not using it tonight, and we'll take each day as it comes...

No-one IRL would have a clue, I'm definitely high-functioning, so it'll be nice to chat to people who are going through the same as me. xx

Hi @basicbitch16

You sound similar to me. Although I didn’t drink every night, I too could easily polish off two bottles. And either have one or two beers or gins. Or open the third!

I am not skinny by a fat stretch, but I’ve noticed my flattish stomach is now occupied by a spare tyre and big love handles I always prided myself on not having

Are you hoping to cut down or quit completely?

Hi and welcome @basicbitch16
I quit about 10 days ago, and I had really vivid dreams the first few nights, apparently it's because you're sleeping normally (not passing out in a drunken stupor like I was) and you're in the R.E.M. stage when you remember your dreams, or something like that - very normal after you quit apparently. Mine were so bizarre it was unreal. They've settled down now.

How are you @Rupertpenrysmistress? I nearly caved last night and fished out the hidden bottle of "for medicinal purposes only" brandy after a rather difficult phone call. But I thought of you, and made a cuppa instead! I could hardly lecture you in the morning, then drink myself could I?
Love to you all. Keep on going, we've got this! If we can quit during this time, abstaining in the future will be a doddle!

Well done all of you it’s a hard slog I understand that, I too have dreams where I’m drinking I’m so glad to wake up sober.

Evening everyone.

Just a quick one to welcome newcomers and check in with you all.

Day 17 for me. Got a headache and bad sugar cravings today, after initially feeling great, but not really thinking about drinking at least.

My mum dropped up today to leave something we needed back from her (at the end of our path...had to wave to her instead of giving hugs ), and she’d snuck a bottle of very good Chardonnay in the bag for me ‘as a treat’. Haven’t told her I’m doing AA, just that I’m reigning in my drinking at the moment, so I’m sure she just thought she was being kind. Bless her...but I had to get DH to put it away ASAP. Don’t need the temptation!

Also I’m going to name change later, as don’t want to be identifiable and have said a bit about my profession on another thread...I’ll identify myself surreptitiously to you all, though, soberistas!

How is everyone doing this evening?

I had a sudden and strong craving for a bottle of wine tonight. Nothing has happened, just really fancied chilling out in front of the telly after DC went to bed.

Isn’t possible as there isn’t even any alcohol in the house! I’m on my second 0% beer now. I could hear the thoughts creeping back in. I think there’s even a name for it. The wine witch! Saying things like “maybe I could try and moderate” (obviously not), and “maybe I could just drink those low alcohol ones” (we all know where that would lead)..

I have been OK until now so I hope the cravings get more frequent and/or stronger!

I don’t know what is going on, I’m writing and trying to post messages only for it to say timed out, re-writing them and the original message I wrote posts?!

@StraightAndNarrow that must have been so hard. When it’s there right in front of you, and after you couldn’t hug your mum. If that was me I would have made DH take it to the shed in the garden. Going out in the rain to get it would have made it less tempting. Maybe you can gift it to a friends doorstep tomorrow?

straightandnarrow lovely gesture but well done for putting the bottle away.

Ghost I know that feeling of just wanting to get out of your head for a bit, and the constant internal battle with the wine witch. Well done for resisting.

Evening everyone and welcome Basic. Well done on day 17 Straight, that’s fab. (Especially resisting gifted wine!)
I am with you all on the cravings tonight. I had grilled fish for dinner and i feel it’s a small personal miracle that I didn’t open the mini white wine in the fridge to have with it. I absolutely always have white wine with fish. It wasn’t helped by having to sit and watch DH drink 2 beers before he felt ready for dinner...errghhh!

Well done, a mini white wine (nicely chilled!) would be almost impossible for me to resist.
Have argued with DH. I'm just wondering if it's partly me not drinking. He has a large G+T before dinner every night. But the problem for me is I enjoy the first drink so much I always have a second/third. I think he's a bit peeved that I am no longer joining him.
We actually argued about him playing funny videos on his phone (so many being sent these days) but really loudly (I think it's tiktok that's soo loud). Him being grumpy would normally have had me reaching for the wine! But it's Day 10 for me and I'm ignoring him so far.

Well done, Edwina. My husband offered me a G&T last night and briefly sulked when I said no thanks. Then he said he was looking forward to us both having a drink on Friday. He means well as I haven't told him I've stopped drinking but that only makes it harder. I almost feel guilty for not joining in. Today i am going to write down my whys so I have read it when my brain starts telling me one won't hurt.

@EdwinaMay....well done on day 10! I’m also on day 10. Feels good doesn’t it? I’m sleeping better and not waking up with the dread.

@Teatotallyimperfect... thing is, you’re right. One won’t hurt will it? If we could just have one, we wouldn’t be on this thread. The problem is how quickly that one turns into 4/5...then the next thing we’ve leaped back on the wagon and we’re on a bottle (more in my case) every night. Last time I gave up my husband was the only one I did tell. Yours will probably be very supportive, yes?

I think lockdown is helping me with sobriety. I feel time goes so quick (groundhog day I suppose!) and there’s not a lot to think about- I’m in a very fortunate position though and both my job and my husbands job is secure so I know we’re very lucky not to have that worry. I’ve been exercising twice a day which I probably wouldn’t be able to do if we weren’t in lockdown although I’m thinking I have to try and keep it going when I’m back in work because it’s helping me so much, mentally and physically. I feel so strong in both departments! Hope everyone is doing okay. X

@Peaches2222 I’ve just logged on here and needed to read that. As I am craving ALL.OF.THE.WINE

Cooking is a big trigger for me. I’ve had a headache most of this afternoon. I’ve finished work for three days and just about to cook a chilli now. What I would do for a guilt free bottle or two now!

Has anyone got any book recommendations? Alcohol abstaining related obviously

Wise words, Peaches, thank you. You're right, t's never just one.

Ghost my most favourite quit lit books are Catherine Gray's The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober and Clare Pooley's Sober Diaries - I've read them both twice and found them really helpful. I'm just about to start Annie Grace's This Naked Mind which has been recommended on here before.

@ghostonthedancefloor... yes, cooking can be a trigger for me. Last time I quit, I actually avoided certain meals that were a trigger- mainly roast dinners, spag Bol, chilli con carne...these were the meals I made a lot because I could not only have my white wine but I could also have my ‘cooking’ red wine open (always a nice Malbec though...well, if it’s good enough to go in the food then it should be good enough to drink, right?) and easily have a large glass or two without anyone noticing and be ‘on the way’ before I even got to my white...crafty eh? Oh, and obviously the swigs of disarono in between filling my glass with my white wine were mandatory...well, I needed to make my white last didnt i? It’s funny how we look at glistening bottle of cold white wine with such pleasure yet at 3am, how quickly does it lose its sparkle? Yuk.
Books: This Naked Mind (informative); Girl Walks Out of a Bar (currently reading); Blackout (terrifying); The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (uplifting and brilliant); The Sober Revolution (a mixture of different people’s stories)... there’s more I’ve read but I just can’t think of them.
Enjoy X

@Teetotallyimperfect... try also, ‘Blackout: remembering the things I drank to forget’ by Sarah Hepola.... it’s absolutely chilling in terms of her experience of blackouts and what they mean. I used to think a blackout was ‘passed out’. This is not the case and this book explains this woman’s experiences of blackouts in such a candid way. It terrified me...in a good way, I think?

Thank you so so much for taking the time to write all that down. The 3am thing. YES YES!

Also re cooking, a bottle would be gone within the hour if that. I’d put off having my dinner as I wanted to drink more. The rest would sit at the table and I’d make my excuses to go and sit down elsewhere and drink several more drinks before having my food hours later.. or sometimes not at all.

Thank you for the book recommendations. ‘Quit lit’. I like that!

I liked Allen Carr’s style. Sort of re-wiring your brain style? I’ve done the Sober Diaries and Unexpected Joy. Found them more the willpower side of it and I really like the sort of sciencey based factual ones. I’ll have a look at your list now!

Evening all .

Name changed, but hopefully you’ll suss out who I am...I was an early joiner to this brilliant thread.

Massively relate with all of this. Sneaking in extra drinks while cooking (making a roast dinner was a huge temptation for me, too - plenty of time for leisurely quaffing of wine while cooking, before starting the ‘real’ drinking); the lure of the ice cold bottle of white, then the grim anxiety and dehydration at 3am....oh, God!

Unfortunately, years of drinking like this and shaking it off as just me being a bit of an ex-party girl with a love for the finer things in life took a dark turn with me a few months ago.
I started to hide drink around the house to make sure I always had ‘enough’ in. I ‘saw’ myself doing it one day and it hit me that I had a massive problem. I shocked myself, I think. This was ‘REAL alcoholic’ behaviour , the sort of thing I’d often told myself I didn’t do, would never do...so I couldn’t really face a problem...and there I was, doing it.

have a problem

Hi all, can I join - I'm on day 2. I knew I had a problem and this was confirmed when I started panic buying boxes of wine instead of bottles when the virus started.

I don't know what happened yesterday but I am fed up of feeling sluggish all the time and had some sort of epiphany moment and decided I need to stop. I am signed off work with anxiety and depression and I need to face up to the fact that the drinking is making this a million times worse.

I started reading 'The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober' yesterday and it's keeping me going so far- relatable and funny, not preachy.

Evening all!
I don't read quit lit, I actually find it triggering, but if it works for you then great, I have heard really good things about Annie Grace, but when I watched her YouTube videos I found her waffly and irritating, but that's just me, I suppose.

Personally, I think we need to stop seeing wine or drinks as a treat, and something we miss and actually see it as the drug and poison that it is.

So we don't feel deprived and that we're missing out, rather, drinkers are the ones missing out. Does that make sense? It's something I'm trying to work on anyway.

Also, breaking up the routine, so whereas I used to open a bottle at 6.00, watch TV and think about preparing dinner, now I make sure I'm doing something else at six, even if it's just putting a wash on, having an early bath or going for a walk.

Brush your teeth! Yes, it makes wine taste horrible. Try it if you're tempted.

Keep going my lovelies! We can do this. I worked today (school) and it was lovely to go in and see the kids and a few staff with a clear head. We flew kites on the playing field - and they were running round, enjoying themselves, laughing, as kids should. And I was so grateful to be with them and enjoy it too.

Evening all glad to hear everyone is still going strong 🙌 well done.

I can so relate to the drinking whilst cooking, I used to prolong and delay the meal so I could keep drinking. It made the cooking really enjoyable. But OMG the anxiety at 3am why 3am without fail. The night sweats and running through what did I say/do/watch, trying to piece the evening together.

I second Allen Carr's book and have just got the 30 day experiment on audible. Day 7 today and I feel pretty good, I would have caved on Tuesday without you guys. I enjoying getting up in the mornings I am tired but not hungover so I don't mind.

Having been here before I know it's not plain sailing so I must not get cocky. Welcome to all the newcomers, there is alot of support on here. Have a good night all.