Day 4 of giving up alcohol

[Saltypotato]

Hi all,

I am on another thread that started in Jan and is still running. We all started together and the support was immense, it was the only thing that got me through the first month. At the end of Jan/beginning of Feb I started having 'just the one' and we all know how that goes if you have a problem. The group are now at 100 days and whilst I love checking in they aren't at the starting stage I am at the moment.

Lockdown has meant I am out of routine and haven't had a reason to keep my drinking under control (no work, not driving etc) so after drinking every night since it began I ended up passing my last full bottle of booze to a friend a few days ago and making an attempt to give up.

That was a few days ago, I am just starting my day 4. It's been easier than I thought as there isnt the option of just popping out to the shop so I'm not taunting myself. I have got a bottle of vodka and one of gin in my amazon cart that I keep hovering over buying but its on a few days lead time so I don't want it to arrive when I'm a week in and undo my hard work. That thought is stopping me.

But we have to go out today for essentials and tonight I have a zoom call with friends in the "pub". I am really tempted to get something whilst I'm out and my brain is doing the 'oh you deserve it, its a stressful time' and 'you can just have two to join in' (from experience, I can't)

If anyone else is feeling similar or just started their journey into the wonderful world of tonic water please join me. Strength in numbers, right?

Hi all. I hope it’s ok for me to join too? I’ve been bobbing in and out of the other sober threads and managed 26 days of Dry January (late starter!) , but it’s gone up and down to totally pear-shaped since then and lockdown had me running stressed to the drinks cupboard. So many of your stories resonate with me. I’ve been regularly drinking 2-4 drinks on most nights of the week for years. I don’t get drunk or forget what I have done very often and I don’t have to finish a bottle. But I do get a dreadful nights sleep, get up with a fuzzy head, sick stomach, anxiety and just crushing disappointment in myself for being so weak, again & again.
So well done everyone who has already made it through a weekend already, reading all your stories and coping strategies is great. I’m relaxing tonight with a bath and fizzy orange tonight. First night fine. Phew.

@headhoncho you can speak to him but it seems you may have done and he doesn't see anything wrong with it. It really needs to come from him, he needs to want to cut down or you won't get anywhere. Can you frame it from a concern for his health angle?

Welcome iamyourequal I feel I may have spoken to you on similar threads before. I struggle to read old threads I have been in as it makes me feel like a failure. I have had some lovely support on here. Day 4 for me. One day at time.

Hi @Rupert. You probably have spoken with me on another thread. Don’t feel a failure, you are doing great! I have been on a merry go round of trying to moderate and go sober since last September, and I cringe looking at some of my desperately naive and overly-optimistic previous posts. We will all get there in the end if we really want it though I’m sure!

headhoncho you could try encouraging him to use one of the drinking apps. It might surprise him how many units he is consuming and make him question his healthy it is. Having said that, I’ve suggested it to my DH before and he hasn’t shown any interest!

@Headhoncho, I understand your are anxious, but in my experience you can't fix anyone else. He has to want to fix himself. There are support groups for people who are in your situation. You can tell him your concerns, but unless he wants help, sadly you can't do it for him.
@Rupertpenrysmistress, well done on day four. How are your feeling? I'm feeling better generally, but still can't get a good night's sleep. It might not be just the quitting of the demon drink, it could be lack of normal routine, and I'm going to bed earlier, because it stops me from reaching for the bottle.
@iamyourequal Hi, we are all friendly, get it, and don't judge on here. I really know what you mean about the crushing disappointment when you wake up and realise you've done it again. But it isn't easy to quit, it's an addiction, and the trouble is, booze is everywhere, easy to get, and encouraged by society.

We are all strong to be doing this, especially at such a horrible for us all. One day at a time.
Love to all

Headhoncho that sounds really difficult. Could you maybe call one of the alcohol advice lines and get some specialist advice. Good luck.

It's interesting how many of us have been sober for extended periods before. I did read somewhere that once you've had a taste of sobriety you can never truly go back to your old ways because you will always question why you're doing it and the impact it's having on you.

Day 9 for me. I'm still in that constant "I'm never drinking again/I'm going to moderate" cycle which is quite draining.

I'm back in again... Didn't manage over the weekend, ended up having a couple of glasses of wine on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Still a marked improvement on the previous weekend bottle of gin and 4 bottles of wine though I suppose.
No booze in the house again now, so I'm back on track I hope. Slept terribly last night.

Don't beat yourself up happyface
This is a hard thing you're doing. And you're right, it is a marked improvement. Just keep going until it sticks

@Teetotallyimperfect is right @Thisismyhappyface, you had a slip up, but it could have been worse. Don't beat yourself up about it, it happens. Try and string a few more sober days together next time. It all helps.

One day at a time x

@Teetotallyimperfect
Moderating is bloody hard work, when I tried it was on my mind constantly, and when I allowed myself my moderated allowance, it was never enough, so I felt short changed.
I try to not think "I'm never going to drink again" because right now that sounds bloody awful. Because I'm still craving it, my body hasn't got rid of the urge. So I'm doing "I'm not going to drink today" and hopefully after a while it will be long enough for that to be the new normal.

Morning all. I just need a self indulgent moment if you don't mind. I feel really tearful today I am a frontline NHS nurse and am really struggling with work and now the latest advice about otherwise healthy children dying from covid.

I am day 5 today but don't know if I can hold this all together or if it's even worth trying at the moment. We have a minute's silence for the keyworkers today and I am worried this might send me off to the coop to get some wine to deal with it.

I know I am asking alot as we are all struggling at the moment I guess I just need some advice, how can I stop myself from drowning my worries with wine?

Day 8 for me.
It's an addictive drug that the gov make a lot of tax from, hence no restrictions on sales (apart from under 18s).
I find the hooha about wine tasting, vintage etc, or the various additives to gin, as if we are all sophisticated connoisseurs only interested in the flavour, such a load of bollox - if it was only flavour just drink deliciously flavoured alcohol free drinks. But everyone keeps up the pretence to hide, or not admit to, their love of the alcohol.

Sorry @Rupertpenrysmistress, posted before seeing your post.
How difficult for you as a frontline worker. Although I love the lift i get when I have a large gin, though I do suspect some of it is psychosomatic and I feel good because I think I should feel good, the downsides are that I can't concentrate to do anything and doze away much of the evening. The wine definitely adds to my anxiety and also stops me appreciating good books, handicrafts, chatting to friends so it's easier to concentrate on the nice things in life drink free. Try to have other things to do than lounging in front of the tv.

in the evenings or when you're off work.

Play the tape forward @Rupertpenrysmistress
Life is awful right now, and you're in a job where you're seeing the worse of it. Of course you're struggling, and you're entitled to.
So, today will be emotional, you'll cry, you'll struggle.
Ask yourself, how will going to the Co Op and buying wine help? Really? I know how it will help. It will numb you, for a couple of hours. Great. Then what?
This is the crux: It will make a horrible shit day much much worse. Not only will the anxiety and sadness for co-workers and the fear still be there, but it will be much worse - because coupled with all of that you'll have a hangover, the guilt, the shame. You'll worry about your family's reaction.

Then you'll be on day 1 again, hungover. The world won't have changed, unfortunately. You'll be far better to cope with it though, if you don't drink today.

Go to the Co Op - buy some flowers for yourself, or chocolate, or any treat.
But don't buy wine.
No situation is ever made better by booze.

and lecture over x
Are those couple of hours worth it?

Stay strong Rupert. SophieB is spot on. Wine will help for a glass or two, then you will truly regret it. Keep posting here, get it all out, and we will get you through today and tomorrow will be brighter.

@Rupertpenrysmistress I can only imagine how difficult things are for you at the moment. The wine will make it harder, you know that, that's why you're here. Please lean on us to support you not a bottle ♥️ Playing the tape forward really does help. Maybe plan a long soak, favourite treat, early night with meditation music - anything that relaxes you (not something that pretends too)

The news that it is affecting kids is very scary, the best protection we have agaknst that is too keep ourselves as physically and mentally healthy as possible. Good food, lots of rest, exercise. Your nurses mind will tell you this is a great time to avoid alcohol?

Sending you all my love xx

Welcome @iamyourequal. I think we were on another thread together doing dry Jan? I dropped out end of Jan and it's taken until now to get back in the saddle! We aren't starting from scratch this time though, we are starting from experience as the saying goes ♥️

Welcome back @thisismyhappyface. Write the weekend off, you've got this. A slip isn't a fail if you get back up.

@edwinamay, you seem more upbeat and confident with each post? I agree with everything you've said about alcohol. I'm reading Allen Carr and he is really helping me to see it for what it is.

I have managed to get my eating in check a bit and move a bit more and I've lost a few lb (likely retained water, my weight fluctuates) which is making me feel a bit more comfortable and ready to up the exercise. Day 13, unlucky for some but hopefully not me 😁

@Rupertpenrysmistress

I did write a little about myself then, but thought it may be a bit outing so deleted it. Basically, I know where you are coming from.

I read your post and prepared to write exactly what @SophieB100 has said.

Play it forward. You drown your sorrows today. The first hour or two, yes you will feel numb to it all, but unfortunately everything will be the same tomorrow. Except in addition, will be the guilt, anxiety and the pattern of regular drinking to ‘cope’ will ensue.

We have been conditioned to avoid our emotions, as us addicts, alcohol will be the first thing we reach for. We need to learn to accept these emotions and equip ourselves with the ability to deal with them.

Please rant and rave here, pour it all out to us rather than reaching for the poison that will make it so much worse

You guys are freaking amazing 🥰. I will post more later as have a few things to do, just wanted to let you know each and everyone of you has helped me this morning. I was in tears reading your kind posts. Back soon.

Just nipping in during my lunch break to say hello.

for you @Rupertpenrysmistress. What an amazing thing you’re doing even trying to address your drinking in such a stressful period.

I echo the advice about playing it forward / thinking about the shitty aftermath of that ‘few of relaxing drinks’.

Also, what else can you reward yourself with at the moment? You are working frontline in an incredibly difficult time...you deserve some treats! But ones that genuinely nurture you and make you feel better, not the temporary high followed by the crappy low caused by alcohol.

Well I went for a walk in the rain with an audiobook, I felt I needed some exercise and it really helped. I struggled to hold it together for the minutes silence today and my DH got the children involved which made it worse. I ended up crying hence the need for a walk

I took all of your suggestions on board, imagined pouring a drink and then sleeping badly before I got up tomorrow for a 13 hour day. I loved the suggestion from ? @saltypotato* about looking after myself so I am healthy and fit and that really resonated. I didn't buy any wine and will continue to remain sober.

@EdwinaMay thanks for your suggestion about considering things other than watching TV, that does tend to make me feel worse so I will have a Google later to get some ideas.

@SophieB100 I popped into Tesco on my walk and got some me chocolate and a good food magazine, will try out some new recipes. The play it forward analogy is so right, I can imagine how I will feel during the night and then my anxiety and stress would be ten times worse.

@Iamyourequal Thanks for the offer of overloading here I tend not to as, on the whole it's hard for people to hear, I really appreciate the kind offer. I am hoping it's just a blip, lots going on plus changed to PPE at work again. It never stops. Sometimes I need some alone time but the house is full 😬.

@Ghostonthedancefloor one perk of being NHS is free access to headspace so I will try some meditation tonight. That's a great idea thanks.

@StraightAndNarrow you have described exactly how I WILL feel tomorrow if I chose to drink. I have a 13 hour day tomorrow and I need to be on top form. I know I will feel lethargic and anxious and really dislike myself so, thanks for the reminder.

You guys have really pulled me through today, it's hard to talk to anyone in real life who is not a work colleague. My parents worry about me so I can't put that on them so thank you all.

Have a fabulous day I am looking forward to day 6 sober. 😘

Well done @Rupertpenrysmistress, am so proud of you! I know how bloody hard this is, but keep posting here when you have another wobble, because you will, I will, we all will probably.

One day at a time (yesterday evening it was one hour at a time for me!)
Take care all.
Thanks again for this thread OP.

Hi Salty, I remember you from the other thread, good ‘seeing’ you again. We will show Dry January how awesome Gay May (can’t get anything else to rhyme ) can be!!

Great stuff you got through your day Rupert. Get that chocolate out and plan your recipes. Don’t be tempted to order your ingredients from the big M supermarket. They have just texted me to let me know they don’t have 29 (!!)) of the items I only ordered from them yesterday. Not the most sophisticated online shopping experience there then....and they’re not even sending me any B Blues. Please all make a wish I find some by Friday under lockdown or I will be lying in a drunken puddle below the wagon.

Congratulations on your progress so far, OP and all of the rest of you.

Skimming through this thread reminded me of an AA meeting, just without the cookies and coffee afterwards. In a good way though - fellowship, shared experiences, etc. We are social animals and going through something like beating an addiction we have to hold each other up.

Good luck to you all. I've been sober for 26 years. Quiting drinking freed me and gave me a chance at a full and happy life, which I've certainly had. It's been so worth the effort.