Day 4 of giving up alcohol

[Saltypotato]

Hi all,

I am on another thread that started in Jan and is still running. We all started together and the support was immense, it was the only thing that got me through the first month. At the end of Jan/beginning of Feb I started having 'just the one' and we all know how that goes if you have a problem. The group are now at 100 days and whilst I love checking in they aren't at the starting stage I am at the moment.

Lockdown has meant I am out of routine and haven't had a reason to keep my drinking under control (no work, not driving etc) so after drinking every night since it began I ended up passing my last full bottle of booze to a friend a few days ago and making an attempt to give up.

That was a few days ago, I am just starting my day 4. It's been easier than I thought as there isnt the option of just popping out to the shop so I'm not taunting myself. I have got a bottle of vodka and one of gin in my amazon cart that I keep hovering over buying but its on a few days lead time so I don't want it to arrive when I'm a week in and undo my hard work. That thought is stopping me.

But we have to go out today for essentials and tonight I have a zoom call with friends in the "pub". I am really tempted to get something whilst I'm out and my brain is doing the 'oh you deserve it, its a stressful time' and 'you can just have two to join in' (from experience, I can't)

If anyone else is feeling similar or just started their journey into the wonderful world of tonic water please join me. Strength in numbers, right?

Don't give in, you know you are doing the right thing.
How about some non alcoholic cocktails?

Don’t give in!!! Early days for me as well (Day 6 I think?!) and I so know what you mean about rewarding yourself - But is it really a reward?! Get yourself some nice non alcoholic drinks (I like non alcoholic beer and am about to try AF wine too!), that way you don’t even have to explain yourself on your Zoom call (if that’s an issue for you - I hate having to explain myself sometimes). You’ll be so pleased with yourself tomorrow. Hang in there.

The first week is the hardest while it is getting out of your system. L can throughly recommend the free daily support you get from Annie Grace and her Alcohol Experiment. No judgement or expectations that you will go teetotal so do what ever works for you, Stop or try moderating. Annie has first hand real experience including Anxiety. She has researched her subject so brilliantly it really does help. Her book This Naked Mind is also great but its her daily videos and the info which makes the 30 days alcohol free really easy, and I say this as someone who had barely had a night AF for 20 years. It does open your mind and put you in control. Not about will power or depriving yourself. Get some grown up pop eg Nix and Kix. Alcohol free win is diabolical, although some of the beers are ok. Seddlip is ok but not fantastic. ClubSoda is a good site. and Hello Sunday Morning ( some of that is not free tho

alcohol free wine is diabolical

Hahaha @NoMorePoliticsPlease, love the fact you hate AF wine so much you needed to post it twice😂😂😂 Thanks for letting me know, I was about to buy some.

Hello!

Well done on four days! I’m on Day 6 myself.

Lockdown made me face up to the fact that my ‘slight issues’ with alcohol are actually outright alcoholism. I was opening the wine earlier and earlier, drinking more and more. It had become unmanageable.

I’m doing AA. I’ve been to a Zoom meeting in the morning over the last few days and am intending to go every day for 90 days. Got myself all the literature, podcasts etc, but honestly the meetings are what is making all the difference.

Even if AA isn’t for you, there is other help out there. The main thing is you’ve taken that first step in recognising your drinking isn’t healthy. Keep posting here and talking about it. I’ll pop in to let you know how I’m doing, too

Thanks for the replies all, it is reassuring to hear there are a few of us just starting out!

How is everyone finding it so far? I seem to be ok until it hits around the 5.30 mark. At the moment saying I am never going to have a drink again feels too scary so I am going with telling myself that if I am still struggling tomorrow I can have as much as I want then. I read a quote somewhere that said 'I can have any drink except the first one' So true. All of my good intentions go out of the window after just one and any thought of moderation is forgotten.

Good luck @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @StraightAndNarrow, you'll have your first week under your belt soon! I think it's easier to stick to the more time goes on because you start to take it seriously and don't want to undo your work?

My Husband is about to do the shop run. It will be a smaller shop so I am going with elderflower and tonic water and some diet coke. Also added a large bag of crisps to the list. I have definitely snacked more the last 3 nights but I am consoling myself with the thought that it is easier to lose half a stone than lose my life to this.

What is everyone doing/drinking this eve? (Not alcohol free wine @NoMorePoliticsPlease, I agree it is rank!)

I had an alcohol free beer and a couple of herbal teas. I also bought some diet cokes for the fridge.

It’s nice to feel clear headed at 11pm on a Saturday night!

Bitter lemon is what keeps me going in the summer, in the winter I’m not tempted but this time of year, it’s my go to drink, try to think hourly at the moment, take out the alcohol out of your amazon basket. Hugs.

Well done @BunniesBunniesBunnies, it's a good (if strange!) feeling isn't it? We have been binge watching a Netflix series this week, it was so lovely to be able to chill and watch it after the zoom catch up. Usually I would be a bit drunk coming off the call, have another one 'for the road' and then flop into bed without taking my make up off. Sunday would start on a groggy note...and the beat goes on!

Thanks @Holothane, I have taken the drinks out of the basket and made a deal with myself that I will not re add them. It has actually made me feel more in control now that I am not using that as a back up plan.

Goodnight all, signing off sober, make up removed, smug face in tact. I hope you've all had a good night.

Hello
Can I join please?
I stopped last November, then had 'just' a glass of champagne at Christmas, so we know how that goes...
I was successfully moderating (only two max alternate nights) up until late March, but the last two or three weeks its creeping up to nearly a bottle a night, and sometimes a brandy nightcap.

I am so annoyed with myself, but in these horrible times, I feel I need a couple of hours a night to get out of my anxious thoughts and escape. But I know that I'm less anxious when I don't drink, if you see what I mean.
Just done my first day dry, and now awake all night, which always happens when I quit.

Good luck and love to all.

I need to join you if that's ok? I think my ageing liver is suffering. I don't drink a lot but have probably had a drink or three every evening for 20 years. I can miss the odd evening but not enough to give my body a rest. I usually drink before my evening meal.
It helps to resist if I have something with sugar in it instead at that time, so lemonade, sweets, chocolate, then any craving is less strong.
I sleep better and get less anxious if I don't drink.

Day 7 here. It took lockdown to make me realise that yes I do actually have a problem. Work and routine kept a lid on it but without that I found myself going on what I can only call benders. It's been nice this week to wake up without worrying that I'd made a tit of myself the night before.

@serialtester

I’m in the same boat. Day 7 for me too, and this has been the first weekend in years that I haven’t had even a whiff of a hangover. I can’t begin to tell you how good it feels. Feeling positive, but it’s still so new it’s obviously very fragile. Going for a walk in the sunshine soon, which isn’t something I’d usually do on a Sunday morning!

@Saltypotato

How are you feeling today? I’ve been drinking a LOT of tea, coffee and water. I don’t really feel the need to have a booze substitute right now, but I know I will need to think of something for socialising when we eventually come out of lockdown. Maybr cranberry and soda, tonic and lemon or San Pellegrino lemonade...will have to experiment!

Afternoon all! So grateful that a few have joined me, misery might like company but so does success! Using this space to have a rant/share ideas/shout about our successes will hopefully be helpful.

Welcome @SophieB100 pull up a chair, grab a tonic water! How are you feeling after day 1?

Hi @EdwinaMay, grab your sweets and have a seat I am finding my cravings/substitute is mainly salty flavours but I'm only on Day 5 today so that may change. The drinking definitely increases stress and anxiety doesn't it? Which is odd as I drink as I always fool myself it will reduce mine...

@serialtester I could have written that myself. It's surprising how stark it becomes when its the only item on your essential shopping list...the thought thats keeping me going is that if I give in now, I'll empty that bottle pretty quick and I'm back to having to keep going to my corner shop for more (I would usually stop at different shops on the way home from work so it didn't look so obvious I had a problem. Yes I realise that's pretty close to rock bottom)

Hi @StraightAndNarrow We did another day and a weekend one at that! Not that it matters what day it is at the moment! I feel proud but very grouchy with DH today, maybe that's just lockdown though?! How are you feeling? I've also drunk loads of fluids, not sure if I'm thirsty or trying to quench a drink craving....

Thanks for all replying ladies, it really has strengthened my resolve more than you know

Thankyou @Saltypotato
Day one was fine, had a really disrupted night's sleep, lots of vivid weird dreams, but I always have this when I quit. It took me a good week to settle last time.
When I quit before I felt so much better, calmer, rational, loads more time, slept better and saved money. Then I had one glass at Christmas, and slipped back to my previous old habits.
I can't moderate, I've learnt that much.
Have a good day, thanks for starting this thread, we can all help each other, which is lovely.

@SophieB100

I’ve also FINALLY accepted that I can’t moderate. I’ve known my drinking is problematic for a couple of years, but I’ve been trying to manage it by limiting which days of the week I drink (‘only on Fridays & Saturdays’) , how much I drink (‘I’ll only have 3 drinks’), where I drink (‘I won’t drink alone/at home’) and so on. It’s exhausting....and it just doesn’t work for me.
It’s the first drink. After that, all bets are off.

It’s a massive realisation to make, because it means I really do need to completely stop. I can’t drink anymore. That’s it. Daunting. But I know I have to do it.

Evening everyone how are you all, I know I’m further 0n than you, being six years sober, but I have one trick which helps I don’t think about tomorrow as far as drink is concerned this is my first day off it, that way I’m not thinking about it is it the rest of my life, that way you only concentrate on that day, 🤗

@StraightAndNarrow
I agree. Moderating is very hard work. You constantly think about when you can drink and how much, you count units, and obsess over it.

Also, because I used to drink a bottle of wine most nights until last November, when I stopped and thought I'd quit, it was such a release not to think about it.
When I started again, over 30 days later, because it was Christmas Day, everyone had a glass of fizz, etc., I really thought I'd have one glass and that would be it. I'd stop at one, then I'd go dry again. But I couldn't. So it was hard to realise that I couldn't moderate.
Being honest, I didn't get a buzz from a couple of glasses, I needed more. So I had that extra glass, and as you so rightly say, all bets were off.

@Holothane,
Thank you and well done on your continued sobriety.

I agree, I am going to take each day as a new day, and tell myself, "today, I won't drink". Tomorrow can wait, and when it comes, I'll say the same again.

@Holothane Well done on the 6 years, that's fantastic! I am telling myself that I just have to do today, if I fancy a drink tomorrow I can have one. It stops me panicking and running to the shop as that one day seems manageable whereas even a week not so much...

I totally agree about the moderating, it is so stressful. And once I have put it out there to DH I feel bad when I have more than the one or 2 glasses I've said I'll have. Which makes me feel weak, which I am generally not, and then the self loathing the next day. Then heavier drinking as I feel like a failure for not managing to moderate like a 'normal' person. Quitting all together is the only way to get any control over this situation for me.

Thankyou all off you, now remember if you can’t face a day break it down to hours, bit extreme I know but that’s how I got through depression 20 years ago. Well done on today hugs.

Can I join too please? I am drinking around a bottle and a half of wine every single night. I quit completely last September until the start of January this year. For months I didn’t tell anyone I had quit except my husband and I wasn’t really completely honest with him. I just said I wanted to lose weight and ‘give drinking a rest for a bit’. Every time I was out I just told people I was driving on that night. Then around Christmas I started telling people I ‘wasn’t drinking at the moment’...I then created this narrative that I did the stopping drinking in October thing and it just carried on. I told people I wanted to get to 100 days etc. I completely undermined my issues and convinced myself that I didn’t have a problem and on a random day in January (I think around 4th or 5th) I just started drinking again. Since then I’ve put back on the 10lb that I lost without really trying; I’ve given up the piano lessons I started; I’ve stopped planning how I’m going to start up a business and all I do is count down the hours till the evening so I can drink. I make meals that require red wine so I can have a bottle of that on the side...I’ll have a glass whilst cooking. Then I have my bottle of white but there’s always a second bottle of wine open that I’ll swig in between topping my glass up with the first bottle. I’m ashamed, sad, anxious, overweight and just done with drinking!! I was so calm during my sober months. Everything was better. I just don’t know what to say to people. I really don’t want to tell people I have a problem with alcohol. The thought of people talking about me in that way fills me with dread and anxiety. But at the same time, I realise my public, flippant attitude towards drinking caused me to start drinking again. I HAVE to do this. I don’t want my teenage children to keep seeing me drunk. I’m worried about the state of my liver.... I keep getting the same familiar stabbing pains in that area which completely disappeared during my sobriety. My skin is red and blotchy again...when I was sober, my skin was amazing and I would go to the shops without makeup on...something I have NEVER done...vain I know!
So, today is my day 1.

Morning Peaches, welcome

I think we are all in the same/similar positions so you are in good company. You seem anxious about how to explain you not drinking to people? That means this could be a perfect time to give up with the lockdown in place? At least you will have (a minimum) of a few weeks to process your thoughts and get started before you have to think about socialising/explaining? When the time comes maybe tell them that you went AF during lockdown and liked it so you are giving it a longer shot? Or that you felt you drunk more than usual during lockdown and you are giving your liver a rest. You never need to tell people you had a problem with alcohol, just that you feel better without. Ultimately you need to do what works for you and people who care about you will support that. Generally people who have an issue with others not drinking are the ones with a problem themselves, no one else minds if people drink or don't drink I've found.

Today is Day 6, had a few wobbles last night but the shops closing early is a God send as I know at 8 o'clock its too late rather than torturing myself until 10pm. I ate a big sharing bag of crisps and drunk 2 cans of diet Pepsi so I've dusted off my fitbit to try and balance it out. If it takes snacks to get me through then I'm going to snack.

Hope everyone is having a good day

One day at a time is good. It's essentially what I do having just past the 7 month sober mark.

I'll be honest, this is a test at a time I could have done without it. But I figure that being strong in this time, is a test of my desire to stay sober, and that appears to be strong now I finally got here.

I have to go through the narrative in my head. Yes it would be nice. It would be nice to have that escape. But one glass will only give a little of that for so long. It will never be that one glass. It might be that day. But that won't last long. It will creep back up until I'm completely dependent again and I lose this amazing joy filled life.

Life without alcohol is 1000% better.