Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Rupert - why? because life is often hard, it's unfair, and boring, and its uncomfortable, and sometimes it's just unbearable to be 'awake' for a minute longer. It's self-preservation to use alcohol to block it out. It's unfortunate doing that has major down-sides.

I'm a bit scared as I feel like I haven't had a true 'test' of my resolve yet. I think this will come further down the line when the awful feelings of everything negative linked to alcohol has faded. Gulp.

Day 90 here and rather fed up about it all. It's not that I want to drink to get drunk (I don't), but I do miss a glass of wine with cheese (I've been eating a mountain of grapes), and having a few drinks when friends come round. Hohum. Yes, I'm enjoying the lack of hangovers, the better mood and the better sleep - but somehow I expected more!

Having said that, I've no intention of drinking again (despite Ocado deciding this was the week to include 2 free whiskey miniatures with my delivery) - I just want to find the joy in sobriety, which is currently proving to be elusive. I'm not getting the weightloss benefits either, as I've been eating things I haven't touched for years, like chocolate, cakes and all the carbs! That's my next thing to deal with.

I stopped smoking a month before I stopped drinking, so that's around 4 months now - and again, no intention of going back to it. I'm 60, and very unfit, so I suppose I should start trying to get some exercise just to compound the misery in order to get the full health benefits of all this quitting.

Life's a bit of a bugger at the moment, as I'm stuck in my late father's flat, clearing it for sale - away from home and family, and generally a bit bored. I can see an end to this situation in a couple of weeks, so once I'm back home perhaps everything will fall into place and I'll brighten up. Until then, it's just one tedious day after another. Tell me it gets better!

missconduct and summery thank you for those helpful posts, I enjoyed reading them! The "need to know" detail resonated with me, I'm firmly of the belief that I don't owe anyone an explanation.

asilikeit I had loads of false starts too, it's like elsa said. You've reminded yourself of why you want to do this.

I'm still awaiting the physical and mental glow. I am struggling with low mood, but I've fucked up my brain-chemistry pretty comprehensively so of course it's going to take a while to get unfucked.

Still lurking here AF but full of cold.. feeling a bit sorry for myself if I'm honest! Where's my glowing skin and bags of energy.. instead I feel like I've been hit by a bus 😩 day 34 here 195 units saved, £207 saved, 14.2k calories saved.. I keep reading the stats to keep me focused. Actually frightened to drink now as I know how disappointed I'd feel the next day and I just can't go back there.

Anyone else noticed they dream more? Could just be me but my thoughts are coming out in my dreams. stuff I've hidden from for nearly two years in my drunken state night after night are suddenly coming to the forefront.. I fear I may need to seek counselling!

Hello to the new lurkers 👋 sorry I've not been very active over the past week, I'm really not very well at all.

Wishing you all love, strength and AF happiness xx

Hello new people incl @Rupertpenrysmistress and @Inextremis

Rupert I'm sorry you're having such an awful time. But I do think it's helpful to have a really bad episode with booze to help give you the resolve to quit and stick at it. Also I think it's so much easier to give up totally than try to moderate. Sounds pathetic but having an app that measures in months/days and seconds how long I've been AF really helps - I love seeing it tick away, and hate the thought of having to reset it.

Inextremis 90 days is bloody amazing. One of the reasons I want to give up is that I'm very close to my mother who is ancient, and when she dies I think I might very possibly go off the rails, booze-wise, so I'm trying to quit before then.

So the fact that you've got through all you have is amazing and testament to your strength. I fear I might feel like you (I'm day 50-something) as I don't miss getting drunk but miss having THE ODD drink. But I think to have got as far as you and then stop it would be a shame. Sound trite but can you do some exercise to replicate the brain buzz a glass of wine gives you? Running is the only thing (oh and yoga when I'm not too crook to do it) that gives me the same endorphins.

When I'm feeling sad I remember that the glory that is Brad Pitt is AF so to be in the same club as him is some tiny consolation.

Day 33. Pleased about that.

Good to see so many people still on the thread, whether they’re cruising or struggling. Sorry, too tired to name check everyone, work is a ‘mare and got a lot of life stuff going on - nothing alcohol related, just general stuff.

Keep plodding on! One day at a time, chipping away at being sober.

Just wanted to jump on and give you a big cheer, Rupertpenrysmistress, and say please don't self-desruct! As growingboys said, moderation sucks, but going AF takes so much unlearning of long-learned (and enjoyed) habits. And look how far you have come! Don't throw it all away!

And, you know, if it's good enough for BRAD PITT! Or whoever floats your boat...have a quick google to pass the time, there are loads of famous AF folk!

Dotty - omg - yes! My dreams are wild, and totally all over the place! They seem to come from nowhere. But anyway, sorry you are poorly, hope you get well soon.

Inextremis I am seriouly impressed with the no smoking and no drinking, that's hardcore. I don't know if it gets better - I'm enjoying small things (my studies are vastly improved, and I'm altogether sharper), but I still fast forward to days I'd normally drink on (Fridays) and feel a little bit disappointed that I won't mark the week that way anymore.

I don't know what the answer is...cake and carbs probably!

Hello everyone! Just checking in to the new thread, am on day 24 and have settled into a new routine of going to bed at 9pm! Abstinence rather than moderation is definitely the answer for me.

I haven't been a big drinker for a decade or so, but felt dependent on the little and often I was consuming, and had been really feeling the pull to drink more (I used to be a three-bottle-of-wine a night on my own drinker, with frequent embarrassing and sometimes dangerous consequences, so didn't want to go back there). YY to spots and lots of sleep. I'm so thirsty too! Used to drink a lot of (v sugary) tea but weirdly have gone right off that too, so I've ended up (unintentionally) quitting caffeine at the same time.

But also really enjoying the feeling. Very inspired by some of the longer-term quitters in here, thank you for sharing

Very inspired by some of the longer-term quitters in here, thank you for sharing

You're very welcome. I remember my early AF days quite clearly. It was a very challenging time. Contributing on threads like this is a small way I can payback the universe for the help and support I received back then.

What you are all doing is very impressive indeed! Good job of it, MN'ers.

Rupert, would it help to either go to AA or get an alcohol counsellor? It might help to get external support.

I am going through a weird stage of what feels like high stress. I just want to cry/sleep and only feel calmer after eating. I think this is why I got into daily drinking, a little alcohol would relax me. My life is quite normal at the moment, I normally just have milder anxiety.

Anyway, I am determined to work through it and end up healthier naturally.

Oh I accidentally ended up on the "dry" thread, it's all talking about drinking, I can't believe that's really useful to anyone who needs to stop.

Thanks all I have read and taken in board your advice. The thing with me is I am quite single minded and when I set my mind to something I can usually achieve it so why is this so hard. I was sober for 4 months last year.

Anyway long day at work today so just leaving but feeling really positive. I don't think I want to go to AA yet I am a heath professional and would hate to see someone I might now, I care for among others alcoholics so it's likely, I don't think I could cope with bumping into a patient. But I won't rule anything out.

Anyway thanks all will check in later have a great day.

Hi everyone,
So many newcomers and thankyou to the old hands who have checked in with their stories. I love this sober community - it's helping so many of us. @Drybird2020 - look what you have done.
I'm on day 39 l. I've noticed I've stopped feeling sleepy in the afternoons but other than that, the initial changes are becoming familiar and I think this is a risky time - it's easy to get used to the joy of going to bed sober and forget what a hard won and great pleasure it is. So I'm staying on my guard.
AND my DH is on day 9 - his first ever in the time I've known him. I never thought this would happen, and it is making a big difference to all of us. He really struggled last night for the first time, and had to stay with some feelings he has pushed aside for years. It was tough for him, and he's proud of himself this morning.
Have a great day everyone.

Morning peeps!

@Ontheshingle - well done to your dh! (and you obvs!!) My DP has been sober too (since his works do major blow out) I am finding we are a bit snippy with each other, me more than him tbh, it is hard not having those stress release drinks together, it is a new learning process for us.

Week 6 here. Got blood tests to have to confirm menopause plus standard blood work - I am expecting liver results to be out of whack, you don't drink for everyday for 5 years and get away with a normal liver! We'll see.

My weight is pissing me off - I must stop stuffing sugary shit and carbs, I lost 4kgs just before xmas and I'd like to get a little more off, walking 3/4 miles a day isn't cutting it.

Moan moan moan!

Have a positive day all!

Morning everyone! Lovely day on the coast here, perfect walking weather.

Hello to new people and extra shout out to Rupert today - stay with it, don't self destruct!

Waves to Shingle on 39 (39!) days too.

Howl hope all goes ok today. Livers are funny things, you may be surprised with the results, but we're all here for you.

I'm doing low carb (week 4 now) and have lost 9 pounds. Not drinking was a big motivator for also tackling my weight (I need to loose 4 stone) - I ate all the food for the first 2 weeks of AF then joined the bootcamp here.

It's not for everyone, but it's working for me...I'm a carb fiend and knew I'd be in trouble if I kept going!

Had a bit of a craving for a beer last night at a trigger time - home from school pick up (previously used to have just one, to get through til bed-time). I was feeling quite flat. Managed to ride it out and had lemon fevertree tonic and comfort food - pasta with cheese. Today, I am so grateful to myself for doing that. I'm working on building up my 'treat' bank (food, trashy TV and books) for these times.

I will keep reminding myself here what being AF is giving me.

1. Had to chair a meeting yesterday. Nervous, but would have been a lot worse without a clear head. Of course I went all red and blotchy, but really, I expect I'm the only person that cares about that. My mind was sharp, and I was all the calmer from being booze-free.
2. I was a little bit grumpy with DC last night when they were refusing to go to bed, but would have been a heck of a lot grumpier if I was hungover.
3. PMT just now is loads better. Usually suffer with sluggish digestion and that's OK too. Definitely less emotional also.
4. I am being calmer and nicer to DH.
5. I am loving that I am not putting poison into my body, so I'm giving it the best chance of keeping me healthy
6. I'm waking up with a lot more energy, so am getting long-term niggling chores done which feels good.

For those feeling flat and crappy - virtual hand-hold and high-five for gritting teeth and pushing on through. Someone up-thread mention Loretta Dan for some quick-lit, and I also thought she was great. Her second book in particular focuses on her experimentation with what to do with those feelings when you have to experience them in the 'raw' (great expression), and not blot them out. She points out that quitting booze is almost the easy bit - it's dealing with real life in a new way that's the hardest!

This thread is helping. Thank you to everyone sharing the good and the bad.

Morning all, another AF day under my belt yesterday! To be fair I'm taking so many different concoctions to beat this cold m numb anyway..

I need to find myself a good book to wind down at night with. Suggestions welcome! H is back on the wine after two days AF again, maybe he can moderate better than me.. but once his head hit the pillow the snoring starts and I'm just not getting off to sleep. Thinking reading might help.

Enjoying reading the long term sober posts, it give me hope that it is indeed possible to remain AF. Thank you for your input I think we all find it very helpful.

I'm stuck in bed this morning, I should be at a meeting in London but this cold has most definitely beat me. I'm hopeful a days rest might do the trick.

Off to scan amazon for books 🧐

Have a great Tuesday all xx

Oh no Dotty, sorry you are still ill. I find this to have magical properties - even better if you have a slow cooker to keep topping it up.

cookingonabootstrap.com/2020/01/23/make-me-better-mug-recipe/

Well done on staying AF!

Pamela I feel so, so much sharper too, and I love your list of positives. High five on chairing your meeting!

I feel your pain on the after school bit of the day; this was when I used to open the wine. And then suddenly it was 8pm and I was at the bottom of bottle number two...now I keep busy with a jigsaw.

Thanks House! I love a jigsaw too. Need to find some space somewhere to spread one out.

I have to confess to having failed Dry January and am desperate to climb back on the wagon. The maximum hours sleep I can get at night is 5-6 hours as I have to get up so early but after a bottle of wine, and I feel simply awful at work the next day.

I know that I need to be more disciplined but I think there's a pill you can get to make alcohol taste bad. Does anyone know if you can buy it over the counter please?

I have never heard of a medicine that makes alcohol's taste alter.
There are several prescribed medications that help with alcohol addiction - one being antibuse (you simply cannot drink with this drug in your system - it makes you violently ill) and the other is Campral, which helps with cravings, I have been prescribed this in the past (after detox and intensive therapy).
All meds need a specialist to prescribe.
Kava Kava is an alternative med that supposedly helps with cravings, you can buy it in health food shops.

Just checking in. Thanks to all the long term AF posters with their stories, it's very inspiring to hear.

Is anyone else shattered? Day 35 for me and I am bone achingly tired, like having afternoon naps whenever I can, going to bed at 830. Tireder than a tired thing.

I'm hoping the flatness, boredom and tiredness will evaporate with the dark winter nights and spring will bring us energy and light.

Thanks for the link @HouseTornado I have all that in the house and I'm getting out of bed to make up a potion 😊 I'll try anything quite frankly.

Puzzles .. ooh I love a puzzle!! What a genius distraction to the tea-time / wine time. I used to be the same, get the kids home and then watch the clock until it was 5pm (in my head an acceptable time to have one glass).. by the time H was home I'd pretty much sunk a bottle. Not anymore thank goodness. Actually thinking back it's quite shocking! Didn't matter what day it was.. Monday or Friday the wine was flowing.

I know nothing about medication I'm afraid, I'd suggest a GP appointment as soon as possible if you feel that's the route you need to take.

Right.. I'm getting out my sick bed!

I love all of your reasons for not drinking PamelaPeaches. Mine are:

1. I didn't realise what a huge factor alcohol is in cancer

1. When I don't drink I feel much less anxious and more able to deal with things

1. I look better

That's what I keep reminding myself. 36 days dry today and I find myself starting to forget how bad it made me feel.

Evening all, and especially @Rupertpenrysmistress, I hope you are managing to be kind to yourself.

Really full on day at work today, but I haven't thought about drinking this evening. I'm finding that it occasionally occurs to me but I just think, "oh yeah, I don't do that any more".
However, I'm still feeling rather flat and sad. It was still light when I left work, for the first time in a long while, and I hope the lengthening days will lift my spirits.