Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Ulysses - exactly the same here. My BF even said once she was suspicious of people who don't drink...I guess we just have to do what is best for our own health and see what happens with friendships?

We're going away together with the kids in Feb and I'm dreading it a bit - there will be others there who will drink with her, but I think it's going to be chaotic and messy. I'm trying to focus on the positives (nice house, lots to do, day trips), but I have a feeling that DS and I will stay for half the trip and then come home...we'll see.

Morning all. Day 41 here.

Good to see lots of people joining and adding their journey to this sober thread!

GP appointment this morning (yeah on a Sunday?! Find it quite bizarre to see a doc on a weekend!!) Need to discuss HRT and menopause at 43, fingers crossed I get heard today.

Got the a serious case of boredom, don't want a drink but I get soo fucking bored some evenings I just come to bed and sleep it all away. Don't see it as a negative though as I'm sober, just wish my brain would accept that this is it, there is no other way about this, I simply cannot drink.

Have a fabulous Sunday folks - looking forward to a fat roast later with a river of gravy!

I’m two weeks dry (and no cigarettes). Feel a bit hard done by with it though so glad I found this thread.

I didn’t think I drank too much. Rather some recent blood tests for one unrelated issue (GP did range of blood tests though) showed up high gamma GT result. In follow up appointment, GP said firstly I should limit alcohol and then during further conversation said stop all alcohol, come back in a month or two to have blood test again. As GP rushed me out of the door, I didn’t get clarification or get to ask questions. Her final words were, “when you come back, we’ll also discuss HRT.” I was ????

As my blood pressure is now considered the new high normal (158/98) - BP taken before seeing GP that morning, GP said it should be manageable with changes - she has said stop smoking, cut salt, reduce caffeine, no cheese or nuts. I’d already started new diet in August (slimming world) and since October started going to gym firstly 3 days a week and now since December built up to 5 days a week doing each week a few each of weight training class, conditioning/toning class and yoga class.

Struggling (more with the cigarettes) but have not had one slip up.

Sadly already lost one “friend” over not drinking. we had a special lunch for me planned for my birthday (on my birthday) with small group of friends followed by cocktail making class to carry on celebration. I asked friend to cancel cocktail making class as I didn’t want the temptation - with more than a weeks notice, on day I saw GP. I explained why. Said it would be far too tempting and let’s do something else as plenty to see and do on a day out in London. Day before my lunch, she contacted me and said She’d been to lunch venue day before and that she also hadn’t cancelled cocktails as she wanted to go anyway and was sure I’d be fine making my own way home after lunch. Other friend didn’t know the drinks were not cancelled and hadn’t agreed to this. She couldn’t understand why I felt hurt which then lead to her sending some nasty/cruel messages. So guess best shed that “supportive” friend now.

Not sure of the units I’d have before as varied on whether I went out for dinner or had a stress week but I would have two large glasses of wine on Tuesday nights (regular girly night), if DH and I went out for dinner on a Saturday night, a gin and a glass or two of wine. Maybe one or two gin and tonics in the week if it had been a stressful week. However, since starting slimming world, these gins stopped. Week before the blood test, when I went out for dinner and movie with DH I decided to not have any alcohol that I could use calories to have a treat at the cinema). I’m hoping that I’d already reduced down to small amount of alcohol per week (two large glasses of wine) that it won’t be so hard 🤞

At my regular girly night this week, I brought my own Virgin g&t making things:- Fancy tonic, grapefruit slices and sprigs of rosemary.

I do have a family wedding abroad in a few weeks and a bit worried about that as my sister and I have a habit of sharing a jug of sangria night between us each night. Also feel disappointed I won’t be able to partake in toast to bride and groom.

So I’d like to know how to get over the feeling of missing out. How to deal with friends who don’t support you or how you deal with a situation where you’d normally drink? Do people really think you’d want to go to cocktail making class, or gin festival or wine tasting events when you can’t participate?

Yes, a big part of our friendship is when we get together and put the world to rights over a few bottles of wine. To be fair to her, she is trying to cut down and as of this week is opting for a single glass bottle of wine rather than the full bottle. We are maybe going for a big walk later on. In the past this has meant stopping at the pub for a drink but hopefully we'll both see it as a means of getting some fresh air and exercise.

I think your friend might feel a bit judged by non-drinkers but hopefully she will support your decision not to drink while you're all away. It's so hard when you are getting egged on with 'c'mon, drink up and enjoy yourself', but hopefully it's one you will overcome. Have a lovely time and think about that feeling of waking up fresh and being able to enjoy the occasion, especially since DS is there too.

Yes, it's difficult having to manage your friends' relationships with alcohol alongside your own.

I haven't found it too bad so far, but I think that's because I know I don't want alcohol ever again, and they think this is just a passing phase for me. Our friendship is very much tied up with drinking. Meals out, weekends away, boozy holidays. It's getting a bit tedious, if I'm honest.

At the moment, I'm too busy concentrating on my own wellbeing to have a conversation about it with them. It will come up, as we are going on an all-inclusive holiday together in the summer. But I see it as their problem, not mine

Day 102 here, and staying strong.

Thanks, Ulysses, I appreciate your words. I hope you enjoy your walk and fresh air - the rain has cleared, for now, on the coast, so it's actually a lovely day.

Congrats on 102 days, Elsa, and an extra well done to you, Adore for kicking both wine and cigs. Not easy. And I'm really sorry about your 'friend'. It may work itself out eventually?

Howl - I can relate. There is only so much jigsaws can do for my sense of fulfillment! I'm hanging my number one reason for staying AF on my PhD needing to be complete this year (and this is non-negotiable) - can you find a motivator that trumps all the usual ones - or put the saved money towards a treat?

Thank god for this thread, though.

Welcome to all the newbies and thanks to dry for the new thread.

I’ve been quiet for a couple of days as I’ve had some serious cravings and didn’t want to drag anyone down with me. I got so far as putting two (two!!) bottles of red wine in my shopping basket on Friday night... and then took them out again! Last night I would’ve drunk had there been wine in the house, fortunately DH knew better and there wasn’t.

So it’s day 13 today and 26 alcohol free days this year. I also have a girls night out later but have declared myself still on dry Jan due to my slip earlier in the month. Hang in there everyone, lent is just around the corner!

You are awesome, Stir - well done for putting it back.

But keep talking! We're all here to lift each other up!

Thanks @Drybird2020!

@chillichutneysarnie: my DH was initially very supportive of me stopping drinking but has no intention to stop himself (fine). I think he is getting a little bit nervous this might ‘change me’ (his words). But hopefully he’ll see that any changes are for the better.

Day 14. I competed in a triathlon today as part of a team. We only went and came bloody second team (out of 19). So very happy (very unexpected).

I have another exciting challenge next weekend: a huge foreign wedding. But am so excited ... it’s in an area well known for its natural beauty so will be up early snorkelling and hiking.

stir that was very strong, well done.

vagmons congratulations on sporting success and also planning for managing next weekend.

I'm a social recluse at present but it's interesting to read about how everyone is mangaging the potential pitfalls of socialising. adore that sounds like a friend you're better off without.

@HouseTornado what's your field? I realise it would be too outing to say exactly what your PhD is in 😊. But I'm curious! (nosy)

Dry broadly, humanities!

How is the writing? Did your friend give you some good feedback?

Thank you, Tornado, that satisfies my curiosity!

The writing is happening, slower this week than last but I don't consistently get time.

My friend hasn't got back to me. Maybe she hated it. Maybe she's busy.

Anyime, Dry - I wish I could say more...maybe later in the year, when we are on thread number 50!

Yes, writing can be like that, when we have care giving and other responsibilities. I hope you get more time this week. Your friend will enjoy it, I'm sure!

Due to a slightly late start I’ve just completed my DJ today. Very pleased with myself. I was drinking a bottle of wine a day, butI haven’t struggled with cravings so far. I’m continuing into February, but feel like the DJ concept has been very motivating and I need the structure. So am starting on the Annie Grace Alcohol Experiment now. Great thread.

Just a few words for those concerned with fitting in in social situations where others are drinking. First, people care much less about what you are drinking than you think they do. If you feel that you need to have something to sip on just get a club soda with lemon or a diet coke in a tall glass with lots of ice. For my wedding toast I had a champagne flute filled with ginger ale.

If you're at a posh restaurant that puts out wine glasses turn yours upside down. The server will take it away without comment.

You may also be unsure about who to tell you're abstaining. I've always used the "need to know" test. My doctor needs to know, as does my DH. It's part of my medical history. My friends simply know me as someone who doesn't drink, they don't know that is was a full addiction at one point.

You don't have to be proud that you've stopped but there's no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed about it either. I'm an HCP. Health care people don't think of alcohol abuse as a moral failing or weakness. It's a disorder to be managed, like any other. If you ask for help, they really will respect you for it. We can't help people who don't want to be helped.

You can so do this.

Hi.
My day 1 was January 18, 2018. Quitting alcohol was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but the benefits are huge. The positive things that flow out into every aspect of life, from that one decision are so wonderful. To give you a flavour;
1: I lost 30lbs, and went from size 16 to 12, and into a healthy BMI range. But I addressed that at 6 months sober - just go to bed sober. Don't worry about the sugar. Pick your battles.
2: That 'busyness' in your head, that you drink to dial down? Turns out it fades back by itself. I almost stopped in the street one day. It was like a noise, that I suddenly noticed wasn't there anymore.
3 : I don't use under eye concealer. In fact I use little makeup, now I'm not grey & pasty.
4: I don't snore. (much).
5: My blood pressure has dropped to healthy levels.
6: My acne rosacea disappeared.
7: I completed my first triathlon this year (at 52).
8: I recycle my glass about once every 2 months, not weekly.
9: I read, and remember what I read.

I'm trying to think of advice. Some of you are on day 30, others in single digits. I listened to quit lit on Audible, a chapter a day in the early days, while I walked my dog. Books I liked;
Alcohol Explained by William Porter
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Grey,
The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley.
How to be a Mindful Drinker by Club Soda.
But there are loads and some quitters use none.
Personally I loved alcohol free beer. It filled a gap. AF wine is awful but Heineken 0 or Erdinger AF are good - they never triggered me, but other quitters don't like them.

Keep it in the day. In the morning say 'I will not drink today'. Pour away any possible temptation, stay away from the wine shop, be ready for your triggers. Are you HALT? Hungry Angry Lonely Tired? Bored? Have treats in. If tv is your trigger, switch it off.

Ask me anything but tag me if you want me to see it.

I wish you all success. Nobody ever woke up in the morning and said, 'I wish I had a few glasses of wine last night'!

hey everyone, nice to see some new people and thanks to the "old" hands for their encouragement and experience.
we woke up yesterday to a vomiting bug in the house and as a result had a day on the sofa (so no run for me @HouseTornado, still feeling iffy so have taken today to recover to 100%).
I have quietly continued into Feb without much fanfare at home - no one has commented that DJ is over and I have not had wine. My bank balance is definitely looking healthier and am treating us to air con units for our downstairs - it has been super hot over the last few weeks and it will be lovely to have something other than a fan pushing hot air around the room.

Love it. Gorgeous posts MissConduct and Summery Xxx thank you.

Also thank you to everyone for welcoming us newbies

Hello, 23 days here and feeling good! Really tough start with severe headaches and plenty of spots - now clear skin, bags of energy and no cravings. Wishing everyone a great week

I failed my first real test at the weekend with a friend visiting who I hadn't seen in a while I had done the whole of January dry and told everyone how great I felt. Why I thought I could manage to moderate I will never know. After an awful awful morning yesterday where I had a real full blown panic attack due to not remembering how I got home etc and just general panic that I had upset someone ( I hadn't ) I now know 100% that it was the last time I would ever drink. So I'm back to day 2 , I'm not going to stop. Yesterday morning was truly horrific I'm still feeling emotionally very tender and I can't do that again. I've loved the positives of not drinking in January and looking forward to feeling them again feel almost apologetic that i failed but I'm back more determined than ever

I've had lots of wobbles and false starts, I bet there's no one on this thread who absolutely gave up on their first attempt.

You've decided that moderation is no good for you @asilikeit, great, I am the same. Good luck.

Waves back at summery - the busyness in my head is fading too..not totally silent yet, but certainly quieter!

Elsa I had a whole year of wobbles and flase strats last year! It took me from October to work up the courage to finally go AF!

@asilikeit me too. And you haven't failed.

metoo - oh no! Hope everyone is feeling ok? I did get out but only because I knew if I didn't a whole other week of faffing would come and go...

*false starts

AsIlikeit - a brilliant reminder to yourself about why you are doing it, and YOU HAVE NOT FAILED. The stupid alcohol failed you for being so available and so addictive!

I had a sociable thing last night that I would normally have boozed at, to get through it. I definitely felt quieter than usual, and a bit self-conscious that I was a bit boring, but I bet I'm the only one that noticed. One person there will be definitely the biggest person in my life who might put a bit of pressure on me to drink.

I LOVED driving home with a clear head and definitely noticed I wasn't as tired as my lovely DH who had a couple. Also loving the feeling today that I have energy and can get on with house chores so I will feel as though I've accomplished something today, instead of feeling a bit down and tired and sitting on the sofa.

Fortunately I don't have a massive social-life and no-one else much cares whether I'm drinking or not. There will be the odd thing at some point though. I haven't fully decided how to explain away not boozing - I'm only 8 days in and I kinda want to get further into this before deciding what 'line' to take.

Part of me wants to jabber on about it, selling the benefits, and also because I'm proud of it - but the other part of me doesn't want to sound like a Dick :-)

Hi all been lurking for a while so am now delurking as could really use some support.

Some amazing stories on here, well done all, I am in awe of how many days sober you all are.

So, I have stopped previously for several months and had all the amazing benefits you guys describe so, why did I have 3 yes 3 bottles of wine yesterday? I really loathe myself today it's like I have a death wish, I love the sober version of me so what's wrong??

I have been listening to we are the luckiest audiobook today which had me close to tears as I can relate to it. I am also reading how to quit like a woman. I really need to do this, I have dc 10 & 12 what sort of mother can I possibly be? My DH barely drinks and supports me but he has had enough. I have a professional job where I see the effects of alcohol.

Sorry for the self pity I just need to take responsibility and stop being so selfish but am scared I will fail again it has to be sober this time NO moderating.