Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

Thanks @Drybird2020.
I know you're right and it's the best thing I can do for them.
I finished a big dissertation recently and I've kind of crashed since then.
My kids are brilliant, and they are so up and down with this lockdown. Everything can be great one moment and terrible the next, and it can be hard to go with them when I am not feeling terrific myself.

@Drybird2020
He asked me if I wanted him to get rid of all the alcohol in the house! Absolutely not, I've never had craving to drink during the day and don't consider myself to be an alcoholic or even a functioning one. I know I am quite capable of abstaining as I did all of January and February and my original plan was to do 250 dry days which I was easily on target for. I don't mind him drinking to be fair. Once I've set my mind to something I can do it. It's the fact that I'm having to do it that irks me. It's the permanent abstinence dictation rather than my choice. That said I've done 7 days now and feel good. I was very angry last week though. I'm committed to doing this but on MY terms not his. If I want to have a glass of champagne on my birthday then I will, it just means I need to go and stay elsewhere for the night.
Perhaps he's done me a favour. I never got hangovers so that wasn't an impetuous to stop but I did feel really good in January and February.

@ElsaCragg

Love the expression quitlit! Thanks for the warm welcome.

Thank you all for the warm welcome.

Hello. I hope it’s ok to join. I’m exploring going AF. I’m married to a high functioning alcoholic and after posting in the relationships section last week I’m getting ready to talk to him about his alcoholism again with the view to gettting a plan of action rather than him telling me he will cut back. But also need a bit of support to get myself off drinking, which is more out of habit than real need. Have read through some of the posts and already got some good advice

I can understand that you don't want to feel held hostage to not drinking @myhandsareverycold, but I can also hear that you are enjoying not drinking. can you separate out what you want from what your partner is dictating? Perhaps the problem is that you feel controlled?
Welcome @lovelymama and good luck with the not drinking - I bet that will help your partner too.
Thanks for the support yesterday on the thread. I feel a bit better today. Whatever else, I didn't drink last night despite feeling sorely tempted at my witching hour of 6.30pm-ish, and I'm very grateful for that.

@Ontheshingle well done for gritting your teeth and getting through the witching hour last night. Someone on here said that cravings only last for a matter of minutes, 7 maybe? So if you can distract yourself for that time, you've done it. In the early days when it was difficult I would eat early with the kids, brush my teeth and go to bed. As I type that I realise I haven't had a day like that for a long time and it's a good feeling. 😊 What are you doing with your time now you've got your dissertation in? Congratulations on that, what an achievement. 👏☕🎉

@lovelymama welcome. Its a great choice to address your own issues with alcohol, and I'm sure it will be a support to your husband. He will need to make his own realisations and decisions but the message given by your actions is loud and clear.

Morning all.

Just checking in but can't write as starting work.

Welcome lovelymama and well done ontheshingle.

I am struggling greatly with work and trying to keep the family on even keel. I did just shy of 13 hours yesterday. My office furloughed too many staff - to be fair they could not have known in advance and went with all the support staff as it was easier I think, but I am on my knees. I have another 2 days of this sort of thing then hopefully can take most of the weekend off. I am worried I am going to break before then. And I feel so guilty not being able to spend proper time with the DCs. I am so so tired.

That sounds so tough @GreenTeaMug. Is there anything you can do to offload anything?

Welcome @lovelymama.

@GreenTeaMug, that sounds difficult, hang on in there. Remind yourself that things would be much harder if you were also drinking. It's not easy to put ourselves first, but make sure that you take care of yourself too.

Welcome @lovelymama. I fear I may be in the same position as your husband. If you tell him he must stop drinking he may well do it but may feel resentful and controlled as I did/do when my partner gave me the ultimatum. When u did dry January and dry February through my own volition I was in control and I was doing it for me and not someone else. The tricky part is encouraging him without telling him.

@greentreemug. That's tough and very long working hours. I did 12 hours out of the house on Sunday and was shattered. Last night, despite being on duty I went to bed at 8:30 with my laptop and watched a funny film on Netflix. My brain actually stopped stressing about work and the worrying cases I saw and it helped me escape. I've not done that before and it felt good. I hope you get some time off over the ling weekend ahead.

Morning all and welcome new people!!!

@GreenTeaMug that is so tough. I don’t have to work such long days but still my head explodes at trying to combine work, homeschooling and looking after toddlers.

I’ve got some tricky personal stuff going on too but I am so grateful I’m not drinking right now and I can face it with a clear head. I mostly don’t even crave it, sometimes I do but mostly I’m glad not to be stressed AND drunk (or worse - stressed AND hungover!).

23 days sober for me now, I can’t wait to mark one month.

Hope you all have an okay day.

Morning everyone, so I am still lurking! I have decided enough is enough drinking a bottle of wine a night, hate waking up with that feeling in the mornings. My problem is being on my own in the evenings. I have brought my DD some lego so have been spending my evenings building it which I am really enjoying!
I am wondering if I should pour a large weak gin for the evening to wean myself off? I also have started reading the unexpected joy of being sober. x

@HedgeHogFoxBadger hello, and congrats on making the first step. I had frequent phases of drinking a bottle a night in the past, and stopped abruptly (and forever!) without weaning myself off, and there are others who have done the same, but if you have signs of physical addiction you may need a different approach and speaking to your GP or an alcohol support service before you start would be a good move.

@GreenTeaMug I hope work felt more manageable today. I'm sorry its all so stressful. Remember all the things we are supposed to do but somehow get lost in the scrum of daily life; get up and move, stretch, drink lots of water... And little rewards to yourself for being generally awesome. 🍫🍵🎶📙

Thanks all. Welcome HedgeHog. :) Thanks for the moral support. i really appreciate it.

Just finished for the day. It ought to be slightly better after tomorrow. At 2.30 i had an epic meltdown with my boss and asked for my furloughed secretary to be brought back because she is bloody brilliant. he said that the company needs the government subsidy.

i fucked something up today which means I will probably have to reimburse the companyn myself. Not life and death, but will certainly cost whatever I earned this week and was really due to tiredness leading to haphazard decisions! But no-one died.

Now I am having a hot chocolate.

This all sounds every type of wrong, @greentea:

“...asked for my furloughed secretary to be brought back because she is bloody brilliant. he said that the company needs the government subsidy.
i fucked something up today which means I will probably have to reimburse the companyn myself. Not life and death, but will certainly cost whatever I earned this week and was really due to tiredness leading to haphazard decisions!“

Obviously don’t know what sector you’re in but... HR? Union? ACAS for advice? Being put under that level of pressure sounds unsustainable.

Thanks Sparkling.

My boss e-mailed about 15 minutes ago and asked me what he could do. I have chucked a few things his way.

I am tired now though.

All of you are bloody marvellous - in all your various situations. Aren’t we doing great. I’m gagging for some wine, but you know WWDBD ( what would dry bird do?).

@myhandsareverycold - you are right to do it on your terms. I should have been firmer with dp but I think your fella has come a bit close to crossing a line there.

@GreenTeaMug all these situations are heartbreaking. We wouldn’t function without support staff.

www.elephantjournal.com/2020/05/the-hardest-part-of-not-drinking-annie-grace/

Thanks for sharing that link, I like Annie Grace🙂

Morning everyone, how are you all?

@GreenTeaMug that sounds really stressful. no other advice, just what the others have said.
Yesterday I had quite a down day, don't know why and in bed last night, I was thinking, when all things go back to normal, how am I going to keep sober? I was laying there thinking, f* it, I'm going to end up back where I was, what was I thinking thinking I could do this?
But this morning, I feel much more positive, and of course I wouldn't be going back to where I was. Not sure where the thoughts come from.
I think you're all doing amazing, we all have our own situations and we're all getting through. X

Wow Jess that really resonates with me. I had the same feelings. But I KNOW I don’t want to go back to where I was before... tipsy at 5pm, cranky with the kids, crying and losing my temper, feeling hopeless and depressed, no energy to do things in the evening. I could go on!!!!!!

My husband is delighted I stopped drinking, he said I am still just as fun as before😊

The other night in the evening my pre teen son and I played a board game after dinner whilst I sorted through a pile of clothes. I tidied and spent quality time with him!!!! Before I would have shipped him off to bed so I could zone out with wine. It felt really special.

Good luck all today.

@jess3817 @BunniesBunniesBunnies

I was exactly the same last night. Thinking at the end of July that I would slip away to my other place and have a couple of glasses of fizz (already thought of the expensive half bottle of champagne that I would buy) and drink it. In peace. I could imagine the first taste. A whole evening to myself and no judgement. That will be my first evening when I'm not on duty.

This morning I thought, you silly arse, why would you spend your first evening off on your own, drinking.

It's funny what we think about at night and how much clarity comes with daylight.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies ah that sounds a really lovely time you had with your son. Sounds like there are many more to come too :-)

@myhandsareverycold yes! When I've been thinking about it lately I can remember the flavour of wine, wich is odd as I haven't had that for a while. Night time is the worst time for my over thinking, agree with you on the whole much more clarity in the morning thing too - always so happy to wake up knowing I haven't drank the night before too.

Hello
Lockdown is getting to me for the first time now. It's very much evidence that I've had an easy time of it, but I'm feeling down that British people aren't going to be allowed to Europe this summer.
@Drybird2020 I thought I'd have loads of time post dissertation but it seems to get taken up!! One thing I'm nervous about already - I should hear whether or not I've passed in the next few days. It is SO tempting to have a drink then. The argument that it's just the once ... but I know it won't be!!
I need a new quitlit book - recommendations???