Still stopped in 2020; a thread for anyone abstaining from alcohol.

[Drybird2020]

Dry January is over and the next phase has begun! Wherever you are on your sobriety journey, you're welcome here for encouragement, advice and support.

We love hearing from people who have been dry for a long time, so if you've swung by to have a look, please post to inspire us!

Equally, if you've woken up hungover, regretful and ashamed, determined that it's the last time, we've all been there and we're here for you now.

Lurky-lurkers, we know you're there! I observed the alcohol support threads for years before I felt ready to take the plunge, I hope these threads help others; if and when you feel ready to post, you'll get a warm welcome.

Might I respectfully ask that if your aim is moderation, you join the long running moderation thread in this topic. I find moderation chat difficult; it weakens my resolve, and many others feel the same.

I'm Drybird, 31 days sober. In that time I have saved 183 units, £192, and 12600 calories! I intend to be sober for the rest of my life, and I use this thread to keep me accountable.

It would be great to know how everyone is getting on, so if you'd like to check in below, please do! No need to share stats unless you want to, just give us a wave.

Here's tae us!

@Drybird2020 exactly- it wouldn’t be a bottle of wine three times a year would it? And it would feel like absolute poison. My dp’s body absolutely does not want alcohol- he had to spit out alcohol free lager when he took a taste of mine. I really don’t want him to go back to drinking. I think he’s actually scared to. He’s been watching Life on Mars, where the lead is in a coma - and chuckles with recognition at it! He hadn’t realised what his tracheostomy wound was until this evening though. It’s so complicated.

I moved my yoga classes online and starting up my nidra classes again which are my real love. It’s the thing I’m actually good at!

I need to catch up with the thread.

Ok catching up...
@BunniesBunniesBunnies you are doing absolutely fantastic! This is a really hard bit. In fact 3 weeks for me was always hard so I was determined to break through it. I’m now on day 119 I think. I still do get the odd urge and yes, it is to drink a bottle of red and of course I will have another back up bottle. To numb it all and just lay my bones down.

@jess3817 god I miss running. Well done on breaking through to 5 miles. Embarrassingly I’m going to start Leslie Sansome walking to get a bit of activity into my system. I love weight training so that’ll be my next goal. Running will need to wait a bit.

Nice to hear from you @StillDumDeDumming - you are such a trouper, you really are.

I'm on day 142 or something- just had a look at my Sober Time app for the first time for ages to see how I was doing.

It is so so so much easier now. I often go days without thinking about booze or the fact I'm not drinking. And my DH has cut right back, which is amazing. So it's helped him too.

I still like to think maybe one day I will have a drink. But realistically I can't envisage a scenario where I will want to drink, knowing everything I now know about booze and what it does to you. Also the hangover would presumably be a killer!

Anyway, positives include: falling asleep in five seconds, staying asleep all night (apart from waking up to go to the loo once a night, damn weak bladder!), never ever feeling shit in the mornings. Tired occasionally yes, but never shit.

Also maybe I'm a bit thinner - not sure. I didn't really need to lose weight before as a size 12 so this isn't an issue but maybe my face is thinner. In fact yes I think my cheekbones are more pronounced. But I'm at the age now (mid 40s) where I'm not sure thinner is better.

Never cringing at stupid things I said or did while pissed.

Not losing two days to a hangover after only a few glasses of wine. Not having post pub fried egg and bacon sarnies.

Finally I like the feeling that I am doing the right thing. I have long been sober curious, and vaguely envious of people I see on Insta etc saying they have given up booze. I am glad now that it is me doing it. Maybe that is smugness. I don't feel smug as I know it could end at any minute. But I am happy in the knowledge that I am doing the right thing.

@SparklingLime honestly I could cope better with dp’s new found disability than this weird lockdown shit.

It is incredibly stressful in the guise of normality. Which actually makes it harder. I really feel like it’s a form of punishment. I know that sounds stupid. Can I suggest you start with the basics. Maybe a shower and if you can a proper one - take time to do it and any shaving or other stuff you do. Or just stand under the water if that’s better. I’m not saying it’ll make anything better but sometimes you need to start with small things that are doable. I like to read but I just can’t and my son suggested poetry and that was much more manageable. I’m on my phone so much it’s giving me headaches. Honestly I’m going to try a phone free evening tomorrow (though I do need to set up an online nidra event)

On day 119 here. Yay me! Lockdown isn't bothering me at all, despite being incredibly stressful, especially when DH was hospitalised with coronavirus & then related complications twice for 10 days & almost died!

Hi @Growingboys - thank you. Yes I’m not smug in that way but it does feel like I’m doing the right thing. And more and more people I know are too. It’s a liberation and to drink now would feel like a burden to me.

Bloody hell @FuckYouCorona! And we are twins too. My dp had it. He was in hospital but literally for a bit of oxygen and then they couldn’t get him any transport home so he had to stay there for 3 days. He’d been on a ventilator for 5 weeks only a fortnight before- but his Covid symptoms were thankfully mild. How is your dh recovering. Is he normally quite well. I’m glad I stopped before my dp got ill. I need to have handle on things.

@SparklingLime if you can get out for your walk or whatever in the morning it might help. I find that exercising earlier in the day makes me more able to cope and improves my mood, it must be the endorphins.

I have just spent a happy few hours tidying my very messy dressing table which involved polishing all my silver jewellery and culling old or dead makeup, while listening to a podcast. I'm considering arranging my clothes in the colour spectrum, as tomorrow's treat. I commend these to you as examples of long, mindless activities with satisfying end results.

Also, do you like cooking? Sometimes I spend an evening making loads of veg lasagne for the freezer, or pots and pots of onion marmalade or similar. Somebody on here does crochet which I thought sounded good but I'm all thumbs and I think I'd need an actual person to teach me.

@Drybird2020 these are excellent suggestions- exercise in the morning is my lifesaver usually.

Hey everyone, @StillDumDeDumming thanks for the kind words and like you I am determined to break through this three week mark (once I reached it on Sunday)! I’ve had a tough few days but I know drinking would only have made it worse, not better.

@Drybird2020 I love all these long mindless activities you describe! We have a lot of wooden surfaces in our house and I’ve slowly been sanding and oiling them all😂

Am so impressed with those of you on 100+ days and longer, just wow.

Hope you all have a good day.

Totally agree that exercise early on makes the day much much better

@StillDumDeDumming walking is good! We often - well use to -.go for long walks, and when I haven't wanted to run, I put some music on a go for a nice walk to clear my head..Your yoga classes online..I'm not sure what type of yoga that is am I'm a newbie, is there a link to yours you'd be happy to share? :-)
Hope everyone is ok this morning. Have a good day.

@Growingboys I love your list and I'm experiencing those benefits too, now. I'll add improved finances; the Trydry app tells me I have saved £783. I'm so ashamed that I was able to justify that level of expenditure on alcohol, when we are far from well off. Actually, I think it was flat denial rather than justification - I just didn't want to look at it, let alone own it.

@metoo2020drythose positives as well, I'm not one to fall asleep in five minutes unfortunately, I wish I was.
@Drybird2020 - that's a good idea about doing some batch cooking, I should do that! What do you put in your veg lasagna? I sub beef mince for soya mince but make it in the usual way (am vegan) be nice to make a different one.
I have to say, reading the thread this week has helped me a lot. Got a bit of stuff going on at home, and last night in bed, for the 2nd time in about 10 days, I felt a pang of, it's not fair, I just want a f drink, just to forget stuff and be numb for a few hours. It has just been thought for a few seconds, but shows like some of you say, not got get complacent, and even though sometimes this has felt ok and 'easy' for me for a little while now, sometimes it's not, it's tough, but I'm not going back, I'm going forward, I don't want to be where I was before so I won't be drinking.
Sorry for the maudlin post so early in the day!

Sorry for the typos in the post above

I hear you @jess3817 - sometimes i just want to fuck it all but like you i am looking to move forwards rather than backwards and mostly that feels great!!!

Well done you for persevering when things are tough!

@jess3817 those episodes are really tough and feel terrible while you're in them. In context, however, they are only blips in the much greater stretch of time that you have been sober, getting on with it, making progress, using support and generally smashing it.

For a vegan lasagne I'd probably roast a load of aubergines, peppers, and courgettes and then chuck them into a really rich tomato sauce containing plenty of garlic and herbs that I'd simmered for ages. Capers are a good addition for extra flavour. I like a white sauce on top which I'd make with a flavoursome veg stock and add some parsley. If you don't want to be bothered with that you could top it with another layer of the tomato and then a crust of finely chopped olives and breadcrumbs.

Hello everyone. I have had a couple of bad night's sleep and I'm not functioning very well on it. I really could not face the thought that this was an ongoing issue because of drinking. It's another reason not to return to it for me.

it's nice to see you on the thread @StillDumDeDumming. Was thinking of you when you hadn't appeared for a wee while.

@SparklingLime alright. Thanks then.

Hello @Growingboys
Very well done. I'm back here after thinking I had cracked it at 110 days, and then sliding. But determined. It really isn't worth that one drink.
I look forward to being where you are now - inspirational.
I am missing the lovely weather of last week - lock down is harder when it's cold and rainy.

@namechangeforthistobehonest come back on your Day 1, you will be very welcome.

Hey all, I’m in low place (sober though!) and need to talk about something difficult, I hope that’s okay. Sorry, I am new to this thread and don’t know the etiquette very well. Happy to be told if it’s not appropriate and I’ll start a different thread.

Basically, now I am sober I am having to face up to some bad things I did before I was sober. I’ve been avoiding facing up to myself because I didn’t want to risk my sobriety, but things at home have reached a critical point and I think I need to own up to some things.

How do you face up to the things you did before you were sober? I am desperate not to blame alcohol for my behaviour but at the same time it clearly influenced me.
Also, it’s not as simple as saying “oh I did that because I was drunk”. For me drinking was part of a wider range of risk seeking behaviours, and all these things fed into one another.

Now that I am sober I am so ashamed of and disappointed in my past self, and I don’t know how to deal with it.

Sorry to be so cryptic (though I’m sure we’ve all done things we aren’t proud of or we wouldn’t be here right now), I am in a bad way today. Not that I deserve sympathy, obviously.

@BunniesBunniesBunnies I've got a feeling it's like the bear hunt and you just have to go through it. I'm still cringing and bum clenching at things I said and did whilst under the influence and in January and February I was obsessively introspective and shed a lot of tears, but gradually it's fading, or I'm learning to let it go and forgive myself.

In AA one of the 12 steps is about making amends for harm you've done and this might be worth having a think about if it persists. I suppose it depends on the magnitude of the harm and how attempts at reparation would be met.

And remember you've been fucking with your brain chemistry and the periods of low mood downs are to do with it re establishing normal levels.

I am sorry you're feeling so bad. 🌻

Stopped since 86

Thank you @Drybird2020, I am most definitely on a bear hunt clenching my bum cheeks and cringing along the way.

I definitely hit such a low point today but am proud for not drinking (as I usually would). Thanks for your wise and kind words and I am so grateful for this thread.

@littlemeitslyn that is so impressive! Wow!