Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

Day 24 and feeling angry and weepy how do people deal with all these FEELINGS if not with booze and junk food?

Thanks everyone for your good wishes.
Feeling a bit more cheerful now and off for a run. I have a scary presentation to do this afternoon, which isn't helping. I'm well prepared but feeling nervous!
Welcome @Stircrazyschoolmum. I was an early Clare Pooley follower too - when she was still anonymous - and I stopped for over 3 months. But - I remember clearly- randomly I just decided one day I was ready to have a drink again. And there have been many day 1st since then ...
But no point beating ourselves up - this time is my time, and I'm ready, and enjoying being sober. Congratulations on your day 1.
I don't have much sober community IRL either. I'm just doing it quietly. My family has quite an alcohol culture, which means that most family members are also quite worried about how much they drink, and if I say I am stopping, it creates tension - so I've found staying below the radar easier.
I could probably talk to some friends about how important it is to me to stop - but I guess I feel shame about that, which inhibits me, and is a reason I value this community so much.

Growing I'm away for a few days at Feb half-term with DS and friends and their kids - all BIG drinkers. I'm focusing on being able to do loads of stuff without a hangover (swimming, day trips etc) and hanging out with DS.

I'm taking lots of AF beer and if it gets tricky (or too stressful), I'll drive home again.

Good luck, Shingles!

Teaches I don't know! I think I still have lots of the same feelings, but at least I know my drinking didn't cause them. So I'll just have to face up to them (my body image is one of those I drowned out with wine) or let them be.

Hope everyone is ok - we're all in a reflective mood!

We live overseas in a place where there isn’t a huge amount to DO at the weekends. So insane levels of drinking have been normalised.

I grew up in expat communities, around this kind of drinking. Whatever was going on, there was booze. Tennis party? Jugs of pimms. Out on the boat? A cooler full of bucks fizz. A day at the beach? Numerous trips to the bar for beer and wine. I grew up thinking this is what it is to be grown up, and I think its why I didn't see my drinking as a problem for such a long time, it's just what everybody did. It became an issue for my mum who is a natural introvert and found alcohol made it easier to enjoy all the expat parties. She quit almost ten years ago, because I asked her to (the irony isn't lost on me!)

@Drybird2020 that makes me more determined to stop, thank you for sharing. My son (all our kids) see the drinking...and it is how you describe.

Like the positive angle @HouseTornado -- will focus on thinking like that.

Today threw up an unexpected challenge in the form of my hard-drinking boss asking me out to lunch with two equally boozy colleagues. She hates people not drinking and rolled her eyes when I said no, sorry, I'm doing dry Jan.

Anyway, I managed to be sparkling and fun (tried v hard to prove myself!) without the Picpoul and think she forgave me. Was tricky though. Not sure I'll always manage but it was a hurdle I got over. It would have been much harder without the other two there as she'd have been drinking on her own which she'd have hated.

Thank god for dry January to blame it on.

Hope your presentation went well @Ontheshingle

Day 20 can fuck off.

So anxious! Might be a menopause thing rather than a booze thing, but even so. Urgh! Stupid head all over the place, and burst into tears over a work thing which I NEVER do (fortunately not in the office).

Glad you managed to parse something out of my gibberish post earlier, house

It's nearly done @SophoclesTheFox. I'm sorry 20 has been pants and hoping for better things for day 21. Can you do something nice for yourself this evening?

Presentation went really well - thanks for the good wishes @Growingboys (well done on surviving the lunch - that sounds challenging) and @HouseTornado. I managed for go for a run and calm myself down. If I'd been drinking the night before I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to cope with the anxiety nearly as well.

Happy AF evening all x

Thanks onthe.

I have a large slab of cake and will probably retreat to bed by about 8 to get day 20 over with sooner rather than later!

Well done on the run- I’m also a runner, it’s so good for keeping my head straight. I did run this morning, and it was a lovely one, so not sure why the rest of the day went so tits up.

@SophoclesTheFox sometimes the only thing to do is to give up on a day and go to bed! I hope tomorrow is a better day.

@Growingboys your lunch sounded trying but made me smile as its such a recurring theme that people need others to validate their own choices in life, particularly when it comes to drinking! I also had a vivid mental image of your mum and her pal insisting that you put your sober app away, you've certainly had more than your share of obstacles with the trying lunches.

I am very emotional, utterly wet and a weed, and cry at ANYTHING. Fortunately I am managing to keep it to myself and cry in the shower or the car, privately.

On a positive note, I've lost 4 pounds without trying, and I have been making free with the tunnocks teacakes, so imagine when I start making an effort to control my food intake!

I've just got 1 Sober buddy at work, we both started this for 2020 and I've only told 2 other people in total, I'm not ready to deal with people's reactions to me bring alcohol free as is so the opposite of what they know and expect from me

@notdoingitanymore I'm firmly in the camp of fake it till you make it. I get regular migraines and dehydration can be a trigger so I'll be using that as my excuse, once dry January is done. I'm not ready to have those conversations either.

Urgh, Growing - people like that annoy me. Why do they make everything about them?! Good for you for keeping on it.

I'm not sure my attitude is positivity - more running away if it gets to be too much!

Sophocles - sorry your day has been crap. Get thee to bed with something (someone) lovely to take your mind of it. Tomorrow is another day, blah blah blah!

Woo hoo, Shingles - well done! I'm really noticing how much sharper I am from no drinking. Weird but lovely.

DryBird that's awesome, esp as you have been mainlining teacakes! The time to diet-diet will still be there when you want to (though sounds like you don't need to!).

Notdoingit - same. But sometimes staying quiet about stuff until we are ready is the best way.

Right - back to writing for me. I've talked way too much (clearly avoiding the job!).

Will catch up again tomorrow. Sleep well everyone.

Thanks for the warm welcome guys.. day one is nearly DONE!!

shingles you inspired me to go for a dog run/walk. The woof was non compliant and kept trying to roll in fox poo but at least it got me out in the sunshine.

house I was supposed to be doing my tax return but unsurprisingly didn’t get very far. I hope your presentation is done and you can switch off now.

dry I grew up in a pub so I’ve some appreciation of a ‘normalised’ heavy drinking culture. I am sometimes shocked at just how normal us Brits we have allowed drinking to become.. smoking, meat, fat, sugar, all vilified.. bottle of wine.. perfectly acceptable!!

growing you aced your lunch, I would’ve struggled and now you’ve done it the once you’ll know you can survive it next time.

Big hugs to everyone else, especially those wobbling, feeling sad or struggling. Put the kettle on or reach for the cake/sweets/another treat if you can.. trust me.. day one ain’t worth it!!

Sending lots of strength to everyone having wobbles/feeling emotional. One day at a time.

I have family coming to visit tomorrow and have told them in advance. I am telling quite a few people but framing it as a ‘challenge’. A group of us are due to start a fitness challenge on 3 Feb anyway (that involves not drinking), so this is being seen as an extension of that..which helps.

I feel like if I can get through this 100 days, I get get through 100 years. On the next couple of months I have a few long weekends away with friends, a holiday back home with two big birthdays to celebrate, a destination wedding (not mine!)...but first, a party I am hosting on Saturday. I think that’s why I have told so many people - the accountability. As a definite type A, this should help keep me in line.

Day 3 for me but weekdays are easy as I didn’t drink a huge amount then - I made up for it at the weekend though...but not this weekend!!

Also @growing - well done on the lunch. Extra hard when it is your boss. Well done!!

Day 4 and a tricky one as my mum comes over and always arrives with wine ... good luck everyone! Can I also ask did anybody get really spotty? Stopped drinking Sunday and by Tuesday got a few spots and even more today!

I’m still here! Day 21 I think. There’s so many discussions I want to join in with but no time at all! But I’ll be back properly soon.

Dp’s daughter got him whiskey for his birthday. He drank the whole litre bottle she got him on Xmas day. Bless her- he likes it but he’s told everyone else not to buy it for him.

Good morning all, day 26 for me.
Didn't want to run without replying to @halfthesun - there was a big spot outbreak on this thread a few days after some of us stopped!! My skin is better now, thank goodness.

Very odd. @halfthesun - I also have a terrible spot outbreak. Which is weird because I wouldn’t normally drink weekdays anyway...spooky! My body knows!

Reading all of your messages on here and just want to send out some encouragement to you all. You are doing great!! I too decided to give up drinking for a while I was drinking far to much and far to often. Once I had a month under my belt I felt so much better. I cannot tell you how much my life has changed. That was 6 years ago and I have never gone back. Keep going everyone the results are so very worth it xxxx

What a kind and sweet post, lovelovelove2 - thank you!

I think we are all feeling a bit reflective this week, so that's really encouraging.

I hope everyone has a really good day, whatever you are doing. Weds is my long work day but I like the change of scene, and seeing people. Will go for a lunchtime walk, too.

Morning all, I'm still knocking about and AF day 22 l! Went to London yesterday for the works team building session and managed to steer clear of champagne and wine..! Fortunately another lady was doing the same so we supported each other while the rest knocked back the he booze. The drive home was hard work and I was so tempted to have a glass of wine last night but the temptation passed quickly. I'd have been so cross with myself if I'd caved in, feel much better for staying 💪

Need to focus and get stuff done today..

Will be back later to read through all the missed posts.

Have a great Wednesday all xx

That takes great will power, Dotty so well done!

Thank you @lovelovelove2!

I am home from a work trip. A frosty welcome from my DH after leaving in disgrace. But excited to be back at the gym tomorrow after a few days and a lovely message from my AF friend.