Anyone else stopping completely in 2020?

[Drybird2020]

I don't mean moderating or cutting down, I know that I can't control my drinking this way and I need to stop.

I have stopped for periods of time before and enjoyed the peace of not thinking about alcohol, or stressing about my consumption, or negotiating with myself about whether or not to get a bottle of wine on the way home on a Wednesday night.
There's no point in doing dry January, because I will just use it to justify a wet February.

There used to be a series of threads for total abstinence, think it was in Relationships but it seems to have tailed off. I could really do with a place to talk about this, but with an emphasis on being dry, not moderate. And if nobody else is keen I can use it as somewhere to witter away to myself.

Thank you all. I slept for 9 hours last night and still feel exhausted. I think it was the emotional exhaustion of yesterday - apologising over and over to my husband, speaking to close friends and finally finally saying ‘enough’.

The joke - for me - is that I really otherwise try to take care of myself. I workout a lot, eat healthy food, no smoking...but ruin it every Friday & Saturday. I have tried moderation like a lot of people here but it seems to allude me.

@SophocIestheFox - my first posting was party hard but not like this. This posting we have a huge circle of friends but it is a fairly quiet place so we have to make our own fun. I am a very social person so now my challenge will be to replace the parties (many of which I throw) with something else!

Day 2. No danger or temptation for me as I am on a work trip. Just the sadness of facing my demons.

Has anyone got a sober community in real life? Nobody knows about my excessive drinking (single parent, small child, work full time) but I'm intrigued in meeting others in a similar situation.

Hello, I am a teacher and when we go out everyone seems to drink too much and does not see it as a problem - so no support there. My mum works in a pub and drinks at least a bottle of wine everyday and my ex husband is an alcoholic. BUT current BF is tee total but early days and thus not willing or wanting to tell him ... so in RL on
my own but in world of MN have lots of support - hmmmm hope that doesn't sound too cheesy

Teaches of Peaches - last time I tried this I went to AA - not for me but if you want RL support you could try?

I am lucky to have a good friend who went AF a year ago. I have also told quite a few friends my plan and some have said they are joining me for a period. So I feel fairly supported. But as I said, I am living overseas and I think it is a very different dynamic/situation. Everyone drinks too much and so it isn’t viewed as negatively as back ‘home’. I have seen online there are groups, like The Sober Girl Society, meeting you IRL. But depends where you are...

welcome @vagmons and @bookbotherer. This is a great non-judgmental space.
I'm on day 25 and in a foul mood. I don't know why. I just feel incredibly grumpy and irritable. I don't want to be around my DC and my DH is getting on my nerves by existing.
I have a fairly quiet morning WAH, and my plan is to keep getting on with the next thing and be grateful I'm not around other people.
All part of the absence of booze getting me back in touch with how I really feel I guess. I hope I feel different by the time they get in from school later.
I hope everyone has a great day.

Thank you @Ontheshingle hope your mood improves. I feeling slightly brighter this morning than yesterday. I'm not drinking today.

Isn't the 3rd Monday of the year meant to be the most depressing or something like that? So don't be surprised if you are having a bit of a dip.

I went to an American style folk dance last night, bit of a change and a nice start to the week.

I attend poetry events and quite a few recovering alcoholics perform at those. Those are ones where most of the audience perform as well, if that makes sense.

I have some friends who don’t drink, teaches, and quite a few who have cut down in recent years, but not really a sober community.

I haven’t really talked to anyone about my intentions, partly because I’ve found the friends who have cut down have gone on and on about it, and I don’t want to bore people with my Amazing New Insights into Drinking 🤣 of course, now I’m wondering if I was finding it “boring” because it challenged my own drinking when I wasn’t ready or willing to face that challenge...

My big issue is going to be my husband. He’s (mostly) dry January with me, but come February, he’s going to want to start drinking again. He can and does moderate far more effectively and easily than I can, so he doesn’t get why I find it difficult, and am toying with not drinking at all.

Thank you. I've had a look on Meet-up and they have some groups focussed on activities like hiking which I used to enjoy so might join something like that.

I was always a fair weather drinking acquaintance at uni so never made proper lasting friendships like I should have.

@SophoclesTheFox my DH is like this too. He drinks too much, drinks less when I am sober, is better than moderating than I was but he doesn't want to give up. It's taken me ages to get to a place where I fully accept that I need to do my thing with alcohol ie give up completely, and he can do his. That's been the key tho - accepting that I'll do my thing and he does his.

Morning all! Day 29 here.

Ontheshingle I have loads of days where I have felt absolutely ratty and fuming with EVERYTHING. Reading various books/blogs/insta sober accounts told me it is par of the course, the up and downness of being sober. For me I think it is a mixture of bitterness of not being able to 'just' drink like everybody else and frustration of not comforting my boredom/anger/stress/happiness/any other emotion with alcohol. I read somewhere (Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking) that addicts need to comfort ..

" I think if you have the expectation that you’re going to be happy throughout your life—more to the point, if you have a need to be comfortable all the time—well, among other things, you have the makings of a classic drug addict or alcoholic.' Rings so very true to me, I have PTSD and feelings any type, freak me out, so I curbed them with alcohol ( in yrs previous prescribed drugs PLUS alcohol) Being completely clean of any drug now means I have to deal with feeling ... somedays it is fucking hard going.

I don't know any 100% sober people but I don't have a big family and have a small friend circle. I have tried AA at various points in my life - did 2 meetings a day for 10 days on one stint. Hmm. It really isn't for me but totally get that it has changed others lives and keeps them sober.
Have heard good things SMART recovery groups sadly no meetings down here nr me.

Nice to see new folk joining (not so good hearing about the self loathing but totally get that emotion) the thread.

Another frosty start here! Onwards to smash another day out, sober!.

I only know one AF friend in RL (we bumped into each other over Christmas), and we've been texting a bit. Nothing heavy, and not often, but I know she's there.

DP doesn't really drink (he had a heart condition flare up a few years, and since then has cut right down).

I've told a couple of people that I'm off it at the moment, but they don't know the whole story. I drank at home mostly, so it was very easy to hide. I think apart from my Mum, who has a similar relationship with alcohol, I've not confessed anything to anyone. Well, asides from you lot!

Hope you're ok Ontheshingle and your mood lifts as the day progresses.

Good morning everyone and welcome to all the new people

I'm day 21 and the most noticable things for me are clearer skin and less puffiness around face, my dry skin has improved amazingly, my OH (who has also quit and is on day 21 with me ) and I both noticed how much more patient we are with our children and how much more time we have been spending having conversations as a family. I also really love waking each day and knowing my health is improving it just makes me feel so happy.

I have real life support because my mum doesnt drink alcohol except weddings etc and my dad is 36 years clean through NA and so I go to both of them for advice. I didn't have an addiction yet but i was seeing signs that it was coming so I've stopped before it ever gets to that stage, it does run in my family.

My OH has been finding it alot easier than me but he wasnt really into drinking anyway and he said he loves the great example we are setting for our kids.

Hope everyone has a great day

Lovely post, Boots - I can relate to the more patience element big time.

Feeling happier - what a simple concept - I never could have imagined not drinking would bring me such peace.

I've booked a facial for the end of the month. It's going to be my monthly treat for staying AF.

Sounds like we’re in similar places ontheshingle

A lot of our activity has an alcohol element- we meet Fridays after work in the local pub for a debrief, Saturday or Sunday afternoon we go out for a beer, or a big boozy meal out. We collect wine from travelling holidays are towine regions, of course!) this is actually going to present a substantial change to our relationship, and he is not going to embrace it immediately. Which I totally get- it’s me changing the parameters, not him, and he’s allowed to want things to stay the same.

Argh, where did my brackets go? 😂 hope that gibberish was mostly intelligible.

After a bit of lurking I’m coming to join you. I’m another person who can’t moderate, the switch is either on or off. I was doing really well, 10 days.. (I started once the kids were back at school).

Then, we had 2 family emergencies and a bottle of wine after a very bad day seemed completely reasonable. That was Thursday. Friday dry, Saturday ridiculously wet. Sunday hoovering up a leftover bottle of wine.. Monday heading to the garage to buy more.

So here I am on Tuesday. Hungover and fully aware this can’t keep happening. I was so much happier, productive, calmer and less anxious during those 10 days alcohol free!

I’m not fishing for sympathy, but some support to stop the self sabotage and regain my belief I can do this would be great. Has anyone else come back from a blip? The saying goes, lapse, relapse, total collapse... I don’t want that.

DH is fully supportive, he liked the new me!

For anyone interested, you can read Claire Pooley’s obstacle course here... mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-obstacle-course.html

I was one of her early blog followers.. I seem to spend a lot of time in the mud!

Welcome Stircrazyschoolmum.

You can have all the sympathy you need - honestly, we all understand, and feeling ashamed doesn't help anyone, I don't think (though I do, trust me, still feel very much ashamed of some of my actions, and the things I've said!).

Sophocles - I understood!

What I mean is, I think (for me), that I am not going to waste my energy on regretting those years. They are what they are!

Thanks tornado no shame and no regrets sounds like a pretty good starting place. (I’m a gardening jigsaw puzzler too so we have something in common!)

I hate day 1’s, I can’t help but feel I should know better by now and unless you’ve been through it yourself I think friends/family find it very hard to understand.

One thing I try and remind myself is every day sober is a good day and a step in the right direction. A day of detox and a day of respite. The more of these days I string together the better. I live for the day when it becomes automatic/second nature and I know it’s possible as I did it during my pregnancies.. it feels a long way off today though!

Let's hear it for gadening jigsaw'ers, Stircrazyschoolmum!

I hate them too. But it'll only be day 1 today. Tomorrow will b2 day 2.

I had a billion day 1's, and could never, ever imagine not drinking. It really only took a few days for the reality to shift - BUT - it's different for everyone.

For most of Jan I had a sinus infection which put me right off drinking, so I'm aware I've had a very lucky helping hand. I also read tons of stuff, went to bed early, logged my dry days on an app (still do) and tried to keep busy. It's years of habits to break, so be kind to yourself.

What are you up to today? I'm finishing writing a presentation which is still too long!

'will be day 2' is what I mean, ffs.

Hello all new people! I have found this thread just the most helpful place to come for inspo and reasons to stay strong.

Thank for the obstacle course link @Stircrazyschoolmum - I read that a while ago but interesting to re-read, especially the 'it takes 100 days to see the new field and six months to get there'.

I have booked a holiday for May half-term and am a bit nervous about how I'll cope as I'll be with my mum and also husband, both of whom are great fun and big drinkers. Never mind, I have a few months to build up strength - might even have got past my 100 days by then.

I have no AF friends or family, and work in a fun, fast-moving, hard-drinking industry. I am the last person anyone who knows me would expect to go AF. Which is why I'm so glad to have this thread!