Wankerbastards and summer sunshine will make us want the bloody wine. But tryers to be dryers won't give up, and ice cold becks blue we will sup.

[Frouby]

Thread 7 for the tryers.

Join us for tips and support for encouraging a more healthy relationship with alcohol. Whether you want to drink less, or not at all, stay in your units or just cut down this is the thread for friendship, support, tips and ideas.

Absolutely no judgements here, but there will possibly be swearing.

Other threads are dotted around but I have yet to master a clicky link.

Yes, that’s the one Longest. The gynae concluded it was a polyp and hoiked it out, so no major drama. I’d expected much worse, especially since ye olde cervix has misbehaved all recent procedures, but nice of friend to take me all the same.

I like the ‘if I still want it later’ approach. I’m no good at delayed gratification. I want everything NOW. I’m super impressed that DS2 has saved £50 for the game he wants that’s released on Friday from his pocket money over summer. He only gets £10 a week, so that’s good going. I might need to take savings lessons from him 😂

Hope work thing was OK Senseless

Oh, and in the spirit of the thread, decidedly not AF today. Fat club tomorrow too and I blew it on chips & gravy. FML

Hi. Didn't manage 3 drinks: had 5, which is a lot on paper but I'm not beating myself up because 5 hours plus of corporate hell is a lot to deal with and I think saying 3 was biting off more than I could chew. I'm being positive: didn't press the fuck it button; stopped the booze totally with 90 minutes left to go and hydrated like fuck. Feel a bit hungover now but hope to get it over with and be ok tomorrow. Thanks for your support you lovely lot x

My feet hurt. There are lots of errors of judgement I didn't make tonight but wearing fucking stupid shoes was a serious error of judgement

Nc4 SMART is this smartrecovery.org.uk

It's an alternative to 12 step which has the group support element, but not the "powerless to control alcohol" element. So moderation is an option in smart recovery.

Sounds really good Senseless. When is your next meeting? Well done at moderate corporate do.

That's good news Nc4! Hope it's not too sore. And yes re DS - impressive stuff.

Senseless, you didn't press the fuck it button. If sore feet are the biggest problem, that is a complete win.

NC4, I don't know how I missed the smear news?! I'm sorry. But glad it is sorted now. My DC could do with lessons in saving from your DS. Neither of them does deferred gratification. DD has just had a major strop about her winter coat ("I hate it, I can't wear it, blah, blah"). I reminded her that she liked it when we bought it at considerable expense. "Yeah, but that was two years ago".

Longest, I'm sorry about your mum, but it's great that you have decent employers.

Frouby, I am very glad none of my DC is into kayaking, given that river scenario.

Also, I don't know why I ever drink. AF last night. Had a coherent and pleasant phone call with DP before I went to bed. Was patient with DD. Slept well, though could have done without the early alarm. Do not feel hungover now. What is the fucking point to drinking?? (Though saying this now won't stop me doing it again )

Ffs. Could not persuade DM to go to doctor. She is going to dsis's house today so will see what she thinks. But dsis is 8+ months pregnant and has a scan today because they have a slight concern about baby's growth so she could do without added drama really. Just had massive shouting match with dd1 in front of my cleaner, mum and neighbour. She was having a major tantrum about there only being long sleeved school t shirts clean. Sounds a bit like your dd Dion because she swore she would wear those if I bought them "but that was last year", except she's only 8. How do you handle it? She just won't fucking be told. Had to tell her she'd get her pocket money docked and I'd book her into breakfast club and she's utterly hysterical screaming but still won't put the shirt on and the neighbours are waiting there for us to take their son. This is 1 hour after row started. Dd2 will be late too in her first week. Feel like crying but also so angry with her, probably more than is productive. She does this most days. Burly fireman neighbour who can keep a whole football team in line refuses to take her till she has a coat on and she just stands there and point blank refuses.

Managed 7 days AF, then cracked yesterday for no real reason, just a strong craving and a supermarket trip at the wrong time of the day. I drank a bottle and a half of wine and I woke up feeling awful.

I’ve ordered This Naked Mind off Amazon and started watching Annie Grace’s podcasts. I don’t buy into the idea that I have no control over my drinking. I think I need a new mindset on it, and to challenge some of my deep beliefs about it.

7 days is amazing though theotherme. I haven't been 7 days AF for about 3 years I don't think.

Will be AF tonight. DH not drinking, he's tired and says he doesn't feel well so having his tea and off to bed. Don't want it enough to drink on my own, which I suppose is progress. Had blacksmith this morning straight after schoolrun and didn't get home til 1pm. Then back out at 2.10pm, half an hour on allotment then schoolrun, swimming lesson and an aldi trip.

Kids are fed, dh is fed. I am having pasta and sauce later, then having a shower and also having an early night.

Want to get loads done tomorrow. House needs a fettle from top to bottom, need to get new tyre fitted, want to get to ponies, loads of toms and raspberries to pick on allotment, want to clean carpets and sofa and sort out the bloody paperwork cabinet for the business to box files in new living room cabinet, then swap paperwork cabinet for a kallax or something.

Just not enough hours in the day.

Evening all,
Flossie how is DD? And how are you? Has she had any other problems since Monday? Hugs, it must be so difficult and after the first week went well for her.

Dion yay, DP being charming. And Day 1 AF.

Frouby I'd think that Kayaking on a river would be easier, it was always easier to row on a river than in open water, I'm sure DS will be fine.

Water how are you doing this week?

NC4 I hope fat club goes well despite the chips and gravy

Longest I'm so sorry about your DM, she sounds quite a handful refusing the doctor, very worrying for you.

I'm knackered, not AF although only 2 small glasses a night. I'm not sleeping well and last night DP kept pestering me for sex which I didn't want. Its OK for him he doesn't have to get up at 6 every morning.
Have cut more laurels and consequently I was slower at the swimming pool today. I also cycled 45kms and ran 13km which didn't help (no teaching today). 4 hours sport in a day is completely self indulgent but I'm feeling OK at the moment, the spiruline I'm taking to boost my iron levels seems to be working.
Summer is due to return too this weekend, which will be nice. I hope it's the same in the UK too. Although it is far too dry here, I've never seen the river levels so low. Probably not AF tonight, but no more than 2 glasses as teaching tomorrow.

Thanks, Frouby. 7 days was a big deal for me. I can usually manage 3-4 when I pull my finger out, but I really want to stop altogether. The Annie Grace videos on This Naked Mind and the 30 day Alcohol Experiment have introduced me to the idea of cognitive dissonance: why I want to quit, but I also want to drink, and how to begin accepting that conflict and not beat myself up about it.

Tbh am a bit worried my mum's thing is related to alcohol abuse. She has hurt her back due to fainting. And fainting seems to be related to digestive issue. Drs were concerned about low sodium last time she had a fall. I wonder if she's worried about that too, which is behind reluctance to go to Dr.

Obviously despite worries I am also tempted to have wine. FML.

Sweeping thru. Dd managing just about since mon. She’s my inspiration. I’m wrecked. My body hurts. Had horrific news about a family member today. Can’t say yet as outing and need to let family
Know first. Have been a wreck all day but somehow held my shit together. Then cahms counsellor called out the blue..and got my full meltdown!!
Fml. Not sure how much more I can cope with!! Seeing gp tomorrow. Spoke to him on phone today and had absolute breakdown of tears to him. Doesn’t help he’s hot!!

Oh Flossie. Sending supportive vibes. I’ve been utterly crap in terms of af recently. Had half s bottle every night for last ten nights. So cross with myself.

Hugs Flossie. Counsellors always make me cry, even if I’m not there about me. It’s the way they ask. I won’t say I hope you’re ok, because it sounds like it’s awful for you at the moment, but we’re here for you.

I’ve been reading about cognitive dissonance too theotherme. It’s interesting, isn’t it? I got a free bottle of wine with a meal deal yesterday and didn’t finish it, which never happens. I’m hoping it’s a sign I’m learning to recognise if I really do want it.

Worrying about your mum Longest. Has your sister persuaded her to see a doctor?

My main goal for today is to stop Toby from weeing in the log basket. It’s full of newspaper and he’s decided he prefers it to his litter tray.

NC4Now

It is, and it seems really obvious at the same time: I want to be sober and I want to drink. I drink to square the circle because it numbs the conflict and slows down the thought processes that make me feel anxious. But my conscious mind actually wants sobriety because it knows I am suffering from drinking. I need to increase my awareness of what a craving is: my unconscious mind trying to dominate my conscious mind.

Flying by. I think it's hugs all round, really, especially for Longest and Flossie. How did the school shirt saga resolve itself, Longest?

NC4 - you say it so well about counsellors.

Sport sounds good, MadameF.

Theotherme - you have said precisely what I was trying to say yesterday.

Third of a bottle of wine last night, as DS had left it in the bottle. Then a work emergency cropped up. I couldn't drive, so had to walk two miles to deal with it, then two miles back again. Bloody well serves me right. I was pretty sober by the time I got home.

@NC4Now - good luck with your goal for today, hope Toby is compliant!!

@Flossie44 - hope things go as well as can be expected with gp & it helps. I also always cry in front of counsellors.

Considering I was so down a week ago & really sick of myself, I'm considerably better & more content, though still gutted over house. I have been AF since Sunday & think it's helped me a lot to feel better- had just 2 bottles at weekend which is fairly good for me in recent times 😬 considering trying to be AF over this weekend to help with my healthier future & weight loss hopes, though I have a spa day tomorrow & may cave by teatime.

Buckeejit that's brilliant how are you managing not to give into temptation? Is your OH AF too?
It's normal to cry when strangers are nice to you. No idea about the psychology behind it but when someone listens and tells you that you are someone worthy after all when you are tired emotional and generally lack confidence it often triggers tears.
Dion only a third of a bottle is real moderating. I'm pleased DP is still being nice.
Flossie Good luck with your GP appointment

Flossie, I am so sorry about your bad news. I am glad you were able to offload to the counsellor. Hope hot gp was helpful.

Dsis couldn't get DM to go to Dr either but she has at least promised to do so once she gets home. Her own scan was fine, thank goodness.

Dion - dd1 was pretty sweet in the evening- was clearly feeling sheepish, though there was a bit of fuss this morning too and I confess I stuck t shirt in dryer for a few mins as couldn't face another morning like yesterday. Part of me feels like I am too soft and should make sure there's a proper consequence for shit behaviour and part of my feels like fighting battles over this stuff may not be worth it, as she just doesn't seem to react to consequences in the way I would expect. I'd love to stand firm and watch her learn to manage things better but I am not sure she is capable of it yet - she just gets panicky and overwrought.

In positive news DH was in charge of them yesterday after school and hosted two play dates, managed to take a gaggle of kids to a meet the teacher thing and do laundry plus kids' tea. He wanted a lie down after but I think there fair enough. Feel like we are getting back to being a team.

@longestlurkerever that's amazing of your dh. I'm a childminder but struggle with the same battles with my own dc. Easier to be steadfast with others but I find my own more annoying!

As people get older it's harder to reason with them & also for them to be honest about things I think - a lot have anxiety that they'd rarely admit to ime.

Dh is AF for the month & a week ago I was totally raging about that as it felt like adding more guilt to my drinking! I'm ok now & we have a night away in a few weeks to a strange & wonderful boat on a private beach -look! & he will drink then so I'm appeased!

Meant to add pic.

Also Dion - I've never previously managed to go to a work thing without drinking at least 10 drinks so you did fab. Off to look at the cognitive dissonance thing....