I found and read this entire thread last night and it's been so interesting to hear your stories, finding it hugely helpful to know I'm not alone. We can do this together. I would love to join if that's OK? :) I'm a long time (12 years plus) lurker of MN (too shy to post but find MN so helpful over the years, maybe it's time I start contributing /'giving back'!)
I've been drinking since I was 17, now 47. My drinking spiralled out of control 5 years ago and became pretty much a daily habit. Bringing up kids, going back to work, dealing with social anxiety although outwards people think I'm keeping it all together, being a social butterfly the life and soul of the party. I've had many day 1s in the last 5 years, but it is not since this last stint of abstinence that I feel like it might stick.
I started my sober journey on 29/10/19 so today on day 62. The longest I've done before was just over 100 days, summer 2018, it felt amazing.
I have just experienced my first AF Xmas in 30 years. It was weird, I feel better for it, and I'm sure next year xmas will be easier now that I know what it feels like! I've got 2 ds (13 and 10) and dealing with my own emotions around them and the fact that they are getting older is probably my main reason and inspiration into living healthier and stopping what had become daily drinking. I drank to block feelings, smoothing everything over, connecting with my inner 'rock chick', being a cooler me, it all sounds ridiculous, I know. Interestingly, my hero Kate Moss going AF a couple of years has been an inspiration into imagining a life without the juice.
I have this irrational fear of being boring, but I'm slowly overcoming it. After much soul searching I think it stems from always wanting to be liked, being an original introvert, struggling with social interactions, finding group environments really tricky, being too honest, wearing my heart on my sleeve, being a people pleaser, needing to achieve and impress, arggh it all sounds exhausting... And the way to cope was to drink. What was a game changer this time was reading two books that struck a chord in me: Unwasted - My Lush Sobriety by Sacha Z. Scoblic and Blackout - Remembering the things I drank to forget by Sarah Hepola. Both American writers, both very hard hitting stories that made me cry with recognising my own issues, those books were extremely triggering for me, but in a positive sense. Other books I've read before that are amazing and already mentioned on this thread: The unexpected joy of being sober by Catherine Gray and the Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley. Both can be followed on Instagram.
I'm slowly getting to know the real me without booze again, but it's having to rewire a brain that got used to being intoxicated for 30 years. Connecting with my kids, nature and running helps. Need to get back into regular yoga next year!
So 62 days sober and looking forward to my first AF NYE, this year as a sober host, we're having a little party. I'm looking forward and dreading it at same time. Not told everyone, finding it the hardest to deal with other people's reactions.
It has been enlightening to hear about everyone else, I need to find my tribe as I don't know anyone else in RL doing this. The only person I've told is my lovely DH who used to be my partner in crime, he still drinks but is very supportive.
How you all getting on and what's your plans for new year's?
Sorry this was so long, it's been bubbling inside for a long time, needed to get it out on here...