My son was adopted years ago, now his returned back to me.

[cazanna]

Heres something worth thinking about...

Back in the 80s i had a young child, i loved him to bits, but, me and his father were always having fights,and i eventually, ended up with severe depression..to the stage, where i couldn't cope, i was very young and stupid then...

Years later, my son is now 20, has returned back to me, but he has told me that he started taking drugs at 10. My son was supposed to of been protected. I have a 17 year old who i have raised myself, and he doesn't smoke,drink, or take drugs..If people are going to Adopt, they need to think carefully, and think can they really cope, with raising someone else's child.
Also, its lovely when they are small, but be prepared for teenage hood.

I was sorting letterbox contact and when I rang the after adoption lady it then flagged up on her system they wasn't even aware I'm numb sad all mixed emotions at the minute

I need answers it's not good enough me and my mum went to her grave side yesterday nothing is processing at the minute the lady from after adoption is coming to see me again in 2weeks.she didn't even know herself how to tell me there's ment to be a big meeting do hopefully we shall have answers either way that doesn't bring my girl back:'(:'(

Very sorry for your loss Anne. X

im really reluctant to post on this thread Anne, even to offer my condolences to you. After all, you reactivated the original thread and then proceeded to tear adopters apart. Now you are back wanting sympathy? From the very people you seem to despise? You’ve thrown all sorts of accusations round and made it very clear you don’t trust anything anyone says so I’m mystified about why you have chosen to come back to ask for support. I hope you have people in real life you can rely on.

I am always extremely sorry to hear of a life that has been lost, especially one so young. I suggest you make all your contact with social services and hopefully it will get them to look at their systems (that clearly don’t work if you were not informed). You then need to rely on the support from your family and friends.

And definitely ask at the meeting if they can help you receive counselling for this. I’m not sure what post adoption support is like but it is a question worth asking. I would have a member of your family available to attend the meeting with you so that you can make notes or have another pair of ears listening etc

really reluctant to post on this thread Anne, even to offer my condolences to you. After all, you reactivated the original thread and then proceeded to tear adopters apart. Now you are back wanting sympathy? From the very people you seem to despise? You’ve thrown all sorts of accusations round and made it very clear you don’t trust anything anyone says so I’m mystified about why you have chosen to come back to ask for support.
^^this

They are looking into it now I have a lady from after adoption who seems very surportive we are going to the grave together in the next 2 weeks I did go with my mum the day after I found out I'm broke I just don't know how they failed to tell me but I'm waiting for answers but I don't think they have any for me

And lady I'm not on here for that so leave it out I'm grieving and don't need your options at this time I was just letting u all know what happened thanks

Please tell me would u want answers if your child had passed away 2yrs ago and have only just been informed so can u not see why I'm abit angry at the way they all dealt with this even after adoption are deskusted with it

anne122 I am sorry about the posts above. I have reported the thread. I think it would be better if you started a new thread in a different part of mumsnet to get support. When the thread was resurrected ladypenelope quoted a post from the OP (ie a long, long time ago) about bringing up other people's children and I think a couple of adopters thought that this was you had said or a more recent poster had said. things got heated, and everyone reacted to each other's comments. I hope that in a new thread replies might be more measured. Best wishes to you

Word to the wise - if you think you have the moral high ground it is good to post in such a vein too.

Would soc services have been informed though ? The adoptive parents have all the rights and I guess if they don't want to make soc Ser aware then they have no way of knowing. Once a child is adopted all ties to the birth family are severed in a legal sense so they are under no obligation to inform anyone in the event of a childs death.
That is the legal position but morally I do not understand how any adoptive parent could not get a message to the birth family to pass on such grave news though of course we have no idea of the state they are in following such a terrible blow. It is v sad all round and once again deepest condolences to you and your extended family.

The lady that adopted my girl was a very nice lady I met a few times before the adoption went ahead indeed she did inform ss but they never in formed after adoption so that knew nothing the mum to my daughter is in shock herself as she thought I would on known and that she wanted me to know it's all abit down hill how it's gone but a bigger shock for me to think I was sitting there with after adoption to write my girl alerter to be told that she had passed away in 2016 in her sleep I'm broke I'm in shock I don't know how to put it as I'm so numb

Oh well no excuses for them not letting you know then . Shocking failing on soc Ser behalf. I am glad you have a good connection with the adoptive mum. She sounds lovely . X

I didn't resurrect the thread, a poster prior to me did so this whole thread appeared in active posts. Everything I said still stands. Your child was adopted, there are no legal obligations for anyone to notify you of anything, you've no longer any rights.

I'm not gonna argue with u I did have rights and the adopted mum wanted me to know that's why she passed on the information social services failed with that information and a big meeting is to take place I will get answers and have a right to make a formal complaint more failings there side so please read carefully like I said the adopted mum wanted me to know not 2years down the line

I'm glad I think that lady I must say they I still have birth to my girl u didn't know my circumstances at the time through no fault of mine.i really ent asking for u to reply so if u have nothing to say and want to be negative then plz don't comment thank u flap jack fairly:'(

Surely there should be a moral obligation. It's the decent thing to do. Birth Parents still love their children regardless of the circumstances of the child being adopted.

Yes I loved her and never one day went by that I never thought about her social services didn't pass on the information to after adoption that's how no one knew untill I was due to write my daughter a letter that it flagged up on there system now I don't know how true that is but I will get answers and they need to answer them

I'm getting surport from after adoption at the moment and they are investigating this it's had a huge impact on me and I'm so numb broke hurt I can't describe how I'm feeling because at the moment nine feels real.i had to go to her grave Friday to see if I could get some closure but nothing has sank in:'(

This thread is a great example of why old threads that have become inactive should be locked, so no new posts can be made

(Though I did enjoy seeing that Kew was as wise back then as she still is now)

Wimpie what is it your trying to say??

Reported anyway

People are responding to the OP, because they dont' realise it's a zombie thread

Other people are posting on it when a completely new thread would have been far more appropriate, both for the people posting about their more recent experiences and those replying to them.

The only good reason I know of to keep a thread this old open is for the OP to come back and update on their situation - not for new posters to start talking about something completely different.

Not sure who or why you have reported - if it's me, well, I haven't broken any talk guidelines

anne122 I think olennas was responding to my post. She has been online friends with kew for years I think, hence her reference to kew.

olennas I understand that you feel strongly about zombie threads, and it might be worth you emailing MNHQ to see if they agree that zombie threads can be closed to new posts after a period of time?