My son was adopted years ago, now his returned back to me.

[cazanna]

Heres something worth thinking about...

Back in the 80s i had a young child, i loved him to bits, but, me and his father were always having fights,and i eventually, ended up with severe depression..to the stage, where i couldn't cope, i was very young and stupid then...

Years later, my son is now 20, has returned back to me, but he has told me that he started taking drugs at 10. My son was supposed to of been protected. I have a 17 year old who i have raised myself, and he doesn't smoke,drink, or take drugs..If people are going to Adopt, they need to think carefully, and think can they really cope, with raising someone else's child.
Also, its lovely when they are small, but be prepared for teenage hood.

adopters raise their own child and someone else's child at the same time

I do agreed with this. However I would add that the more time goes on the more your adoptive child feels like "yours", that is not to deny biology but your relationship has been forged in the fire of teenage years and illness scares and injures and fighting with schools for support and against bullies etc. If you were not able to channel your inner Angry Mother where necessary and truly believe that your child is yours and understand that they depend solely on you for this support then it would be a sad day for the children involved.

They need adoptive parents to 100% beleive that they are their children as much if someone had chopped of their arm and made a a child from it. The alternative of wishy washy quasi- parenting isn;t a very appetising prospect for a child.

I presume in two parent families both parent would consider the child to be their own child? It does not make you any less their parent just because someone else is also.

It is entirely up to DS the value/weight he places on each of the people who are his parents.

@Anne122

I really hope you haven't resurrected a 10 year old thread to have a go at adopters. It would have been easier to start your own.

I spent time providing you with information in good faith, not to give you an opportunity to criticise. If you have obtained medical records then its likely that you or someone else has acted illegally. Be careful what you do now or you are likely to drive your son and his adoptive family away.
My son is 14, he knows the truth about his birth family, the truth, neither a sanitised version or a false one. At some point in the next few years he would like to meet his birth mum. But he does not want to ride off into the sunset with her. He has a home, friends, a life. He is happy and does not want to give those up. Your son will have that too and its unlikely that he will want to give them up either.
Thats tough to hear. I hope counselling will help you come to terms with it.

As to the medical records it was on file that my children are adopted so the hospital is to blame and what ever happens they are still my children in my eyes we have had alott of trouble and hear alot about adopted parents so swings both ways

All I know is my children live in Lincoln

In four short days, you've gone from knowing nothing to knowing private and confidential information and knowing that your son wants to see you?

You haven't gone about this the right way at all @Anne122. It also sounds like you're doing all of this for YOUR benefit and not considering how any of this may impact upon your son.

I don't know the details of your case, but I do know that the majority of birth parents who have had their children taken from their care all say the same things as you have about social workers, the care system, etc. Yes, they can and do make mistakes, but nowhere near as many as birth parents in your siruation seem to say.

Isn't it possible that the social workers in your case assessed the situation correctly and in fact you weren't capable of looking after your child AT THE TIME?

Lady excuse me I spoke to the hospital to see if I could have updates on my childrens health it was in there notes they where with foster parents they still went ahead and give me details so only the hospital to blame

Huggy bear u know nothing about my case yes social services are scum I've seen them remove children for the stupidest thing I don't know my case and won't because there's nothing to tell apart from they did it while I was so young it's all about the money scum!!!!!

You're deluded if you genuinely believe that.

There's a lot more to your case, even if you can admit it here/to others/to yourself.

"It's all about the money scum" is a deflection from your own failings as a parent, whether you see it that way or not.

Posters here were kind to you and gave you information in good faith. It's been 18 years and you still can't see that you were in any way to blame? Are you absolutely sure that you're acting in the best interests of your child by perusing this?

I'm not even gonna bovard with this I have a meeting next week with the after adoption team I don't need to explain myself to you none of you it's how I feel and I've seen this happen in real life where they took my cousin little girl on false allegations and after 3months she was reunited back and social where then standing in front of a judge big sack and big compensation so yes they do lie and yes some are scum my opinion on what I've seen ok if I was that crap of a mum I wouldn't have a 13yr old and girl😀

And huggy bear 18yrs where did u get that from???

You said the children you had taken were 17 and 18 now, that's where from.

If you didn't want to listen, you shouldn't have posted here.

You're going to bring stress and upset to a boy who doesn't need or deserve it. Leave the parenting to his parents, the ones who have loved and cared for him since you were deemed incapable.

I never usually comment on threads like this, but your attitude and opinions are dangerous on boards where people come to for advice on issues such as adoption and social work proceedings.

You're in the UK - NOBODY has benefited financially from your children being taken from you. That's a lie people like you tell others to deflect from their own failings as a parent.

That's what I have done for years let them take care of my children but I will be fighting to see my children when I can I never gave them up and hopefully one day they would like to meet me.im willing to meet the adopted parents I have no problems with that and I thank them for everything it's just how I feel I don't want my children thinking I never loved them and to be filled with lies

Also they have brothers etc so I'm sure they would like to meet them one day if they don't me

Ok, well good luck to you then. I hope everything works out for all of you.

Wow. I had got used to the reasonable birth parents posting on this board. Always brings me back to earth when a truly ignorant one posts.

Astounds me that someone can have their children taken away and seem to mix in circles where their friends and family seem to have theirs taken away/social services involvement and STILL believe that they deserve to raise their children. But there you go, that ignorance is clearly part of the original problem and will probably cause huge issues when arranging to meet birth children in the future. I hope it bites you on the arse.

What your trying to say is you are all perfect is that right? doubt that for one second.ive heard bad things about foster parents adopted parents social services so no one of the social workers who I went to school with told me her self that some of I'm are crooks that's why she left the job so no there really not all good!!I'm not wasting my time commenting any more no one knows what my future will bring with my kids but if I do ever meet them I'll let u know!!!!!

Sorry, are you saying you're being as nice as you can be?

Perhaps in your cousin's case there were errors. That doesn't mean every case, or your children's, was an error, though.

I hope all is as good as can be, for your children.

No one is claiming to be perfect on this board. Apart from perhaps you, Anne. That's interesting.

I did not say everyone was bad but what I've seen and heard I'm gonna think that ok we all have options so let it be anyway thank u for taking your time to read😀

I can't put it out to u as much as I want to but I was young things happened I'm not going to explain to you my life story all I want to do is meet with them one day.letterbox contact as now been started up and agreed photos etc so we will see how it goes 😀

Letterbox has been sorted within a few days?! That's amazing, you must live in the most efficient LA in the country. All the best to you. (And all the best to the kids in this.)

I don't have to go into this but letterbox contact was all ready sorted I moved and lost contact etc I have been told by the after adoption team I can write to my children thanks and send photos so what's it to concern you?I speak to one of the child's foster mum and we get in fine I don't know the other lady only name etc but never met her but she's willing for me to carry on sending letters I did say not all of them are bad but there are so nasty ones same as social services where r u because I'm UK works differently I'm afraid!!

I don't understand what financial gain there is in taking children into care ?

Anne as a birth parent myself your not really helping your cause. My daughters Adoptive Parents are my daughters REAL parents. My circumstances are different of course.

I will be open and say Social Services and the mental health team could have done more to help me but, I have the evidence for that.

Seriously as a birth parent it gets frustrating when other Birth Parents trot out the who SW have targets bollox. It doesnt make the birth parent look good and it just makes you look like your wanting to find an excuse.

IF my daughters want to find me when they are older my door is always open. I am realistic of the relationship we may have. However, there will be no pressure or expectation placed at the childs or adopters feet.

I was also told by the after adoption team the lady that visits me that by law really every adopted child needs to know they are adopted because when they get older it's important they know things about past health brothers sisters etc if they find out the adopted parents have kept that away from the child then there gonna be angry with them they have a right to know and that all came from the after adoption lady just so u know!!!