My son was adopted years ago, now his returned back to me.

[cazanna]

Heres something worth thinking about...

Back in the 80s i had a young child, i loved him to bits, but, me and his father were always having fights,and i eventually, ended up with severe depression..to the stage, where i couldn't cope, i was very young and stupid then...

Years later, my son is now 20, has returned back to me, but he has told me that he started taking drugs at 10. My son was supposed to of been protected. I have a 17 year old who i have raised myself, and he doesn't smoke,drink, or take drugs..If people are going to Adopt, they need to think carefully, and think can they really cope, with raising someone else's child.
Also, its lovely when they are small, but be prepared for teenage hood.

All I know is my children live in Lincoln 😪I do have the name of the mum that adopted my son and also my son's full name don't know if that will make any difference 😪

Anne

this has information about the contact register
www.gov.uk/adoption-records/the-adoption-contact-register

these organisations may be able to provide some support for you with your feelings

www.pac-uk.org/our-services/firstfamily/
www.afteradoption.org.uk/birthparentsupport/

Thank you

Its a fact, Adoptive parents are raising someone elses child, its a fact

Absolute bollocks and I make no apologies for my language. I'm adopted and my adoptive parents are my PARENTS as far as I'm concerned, not the person that gave birth to me.

ladypenelope, this thread is 10 years old, I just responded to someone in distress. There's no point in rehashing the argument

though @Ted27 I have had a happy 10 minutes reading myself 10 years ago. It's like having a time machine!

@Anne122 I hear good things about After Adoption, you definitely need someone to talk to in real life.

Ladypenelope89 everyone is different ok that's your opinion ok if u didn't want to meet your birth family that's upto you.other children may want to and do.i didn't write on here for nothing I wanted to see if there was some support out there .I have finally got a meeting next Thursday with a after adoption lady and I can now write to my son and daughter and because they are old enough they will be able to read my letters them self's.i just want them to know that I love them and I never signed them up for adoption so please if u have nothing nice to say don't leave a comment and thank u to everyone else's for there surport 😀

@Anne122, good to hear that you have contacted After Adoption and feel you have some support

Yes I have thank you feel like I'm getting some where now 😀

Adoptive parents are not raising someone else’s child - they are raising a child that is legally theirs, have all parental control and quite frankly being the parent they deserve to have.

I think those that oppose this view do it with perhaps shame/ bitterness / sadness - whatever the reason it is what it is. The child is no longer theirs - therefore adoptive parents are raising their own darling child.

Huge respect to all AP’s x

Love untill you actually know my circumstances and what ss are really like I don't need your feed back.i know somebody close that was living with adopted parents and went on to be abused.i won't go into it but what happened to her was deskusting good job it all come out in court for the family

I have known adopted children to then go on to find there birth parents and stay with them cause they have had such a shit time with them some are scum like social services but not all

Love - the phrase ‘ raising someone else’s child’ will never stand. Ever. Period.

I wish you the best of luck

Martha g what do you mean by that?

We're not "raising someone else's child", and that phrase is unacceptable. We're raising our own children. They may also be someone else's children, or they actually may not be, depending on that relationship. But as adopters, they are our children.

Well as far as I'm concerned they are my children and my children may want me at the end of this not all children are treated well with adopted parents and nasty things happen we will see what my children want to do

Not all parents are good.

You can consider your children yours all you like.

Whether they consider themselves yours is up to them.

Legally, they are the own children of their adoptive parents. I'm sorry you don't like that.

That's your crappy opinion all in it for the money same as scummy social services my cousin sued the hell out of ss for taking her child because some sad person made allegations she got her daughter back after 3minths and them social worker s lost there job and had alot of money to pay out in talking thousands so yh scum bags!!!!!

Yes that is my opinion adopted parents aren't all that trust me there's scummy ones

Corrupted system and the best thing of it all is my son actually wants to see me😀so can't be all that bad it's funny how hospital records are ment to be private I got my son's details last week and adopted parents and they only live down the road from me😀

Of course there are scummy ones, they're human.

But their kids are still their kids. It's not "my opinion", it's the law.

Being aggressive towards adoptive parents is not the best way to appear the better person.

I'm sorry you had a tough time, I am, but the vast majority of adoptive parents are good people, taking a tough path, and raising their own children.

Of course there may be adoptive parents that aren’t the best, just like there are natural parents who aren’t the best but that does not make adoptive parents all the same, don’t tar them all with the same brush. Your child was taken away from you for whatever reason, you need to accept your part in that and not blame Social Services for it all.

If you’ve got hold of medical records by not going through the correct channels, then you’re acting illegally anyway. I wouldn’t be bragging about that myself.

But their kids are still their kids. It's not "my opinion", it's the law.
This sums it up totally.

Adoptive parents are not raising someone else’s child - they are raising a child that is legally theirs, have all parental control and quite frankly being the parent they deserve to have

I think those that oppose this view do it with perhaps shame/ bitterness / sadness - whatever the reason it is what it is. The child is no longer theirs - therefore adoptive parents are raising their own darling child

I think it is more that adopters raise their own child and someone else's child at the same time. The better everyone sees each other's point of view the better it is for the child. It is to do with putting the child's needs first, and that goes for both the adoptive parent and the birth parent.

In my experience, where the relationship has been and remains good with the adoptive parents then there are no issues, but where the relationship has not been good and remains not good for whatever reason then that is where recriminations and bitterness and sadness from the adoptees themselves is more likely.

The ideal situation is that everyone strives to be the best parent possible, everyone is aware of their own limitations and aware that parenting is hard whatever the situation, and again that everyone tries to see everyone else's point of view, and works hard to get on to the extent that there is contact whether in real life or on here.

it's funny how hospital records are ment to be private

I do not find it at all funny that you have accessed someone's private medical records - can you not see how inappropriate that is.

My son would love to meet his birth parents (and so in fact would I), but I would be amazed (though still supprtive) if he considered his birth mother to be his mother, hopefully counselling will help you to understand that whatever you think went wrong, your children have had differnt life experiences now and even if they want contact, may not want the kind of contact you were envisaging.

Probably not wise to say to a group of adoptive parents who were initially supportive to you that they could be "scum". Or as someone asked up the thread

if u have nothing nice to say don't leave a comment

In my experience of 100's of adoptive and birth parents the proportion of scummy adoptive parents to birth parents is inevitably lower (given the home study process - which may be imperfect but still does exist compared to no requirement prior to birth parenting).

You also need to consider whether taking the attitude towards adoptive parents that you do will be helpful in building a relationship going forward with your children. You may be surprised to discover that even if the adoptive parents aren't perfect, they will still be their parents and may well feel compelled to defend them if you persist in seeing adoptive parents as the bad guys and not really parents at all.

But as I say, hopefully you will be able to work through this with counselling to the benefit of your children, because I'm sure we can all agree that the one group of people in this who are totally innocent and had no choices are the children and presumably we all want the best for them.