newborn adoption

[BrightSunshineyDay]

I gave birth yesterday and immediately relinquished responsibility. I have so much going round in my head right now that I hope no-one minds if I blurt it out here.
I will be speaking with social workers tomorrow so I want to think of as many questions as possible. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing. He will go to a foster family for a few weeks until new parents are found (I was in denial about the pregnancy until only a couple ofdays ago)
How quickly will he be found a new family? Will the new family be in my local area? Should I write him a letter explaining my life circumstances and his birth story? Should I get him a keepsake? Is letterbox contact the best thing for him and his new family? Thats all I want. What is best for him. I want to do whatever is best so he can grow up not feeling abandoned or deserted. I want him to know I love him but I want him to have the best life possible.
Please tell me there are parents/a parent out there who are just about to receive into their life the most perfect beautiful boy, and they will be kind and loving and settled.
Sorry for the brain dump - I've been awake for hours and this is all going round in my head.

This is fab!! so pleased!!!

That's amazing. I'm soooo pleased for you.
Before too long you will have put all this behind you

I'm so glad things are going in the right direction for you and your family :-))) reading this has honestly lifted my day xxx

SO happy for you all .

Thank you for coming back to update,
I have been checking the thread every few days hoping that you would come back with good new about how you are working things out.

I am so happy that things are going so well and you are so brave and strong, I really admire what you have achieved.

Please keep us updated, we are all overly invested in you.

In tears reading this thread, amazing outcome. Please keep us updated.

So pleased x

So pleased to see your update, looks like your whole life is turning a really positive corner.

Amazing news! So happy for you about the house too

Thankyou all
Still not quite the fairy tale ending I am hoping for.
DS (14) has kicked off - blames me for his dad dying, H being sectioned and us losing the house. Dad just will not engage in any conversation about DS3 - he hasn't even asked his name, never mind circumstances re his birth - but has offered me 6K for a deposit on the house. I have to be honest and say I would prefer dad to put his arms around me and say that whilst he is furious with me that he still loves me.
My niece,brother and exsil have gone off on one - never mentioning my new baby but bringing up family issues re my mum and our family that go back 20years. my sister has been fab - but she is thousands of miles away so can only do so much.

I feel as though I am drowning. I want my baby back with me. But I feel stuck and paralysed.
SW being crap at getting back to me again. She wasn't at the LAC review last week when I said I couldn't make contact yesterday due to DS2 being at the Child Development Centre all day. So it will be a week tomorrow since I have seen him. I feel spent, useless.
When I get DS3 back how will that even be? His family don't want to know him - at least with his foster family he has a foster mum and dad, aunt and uncles and grandparents who are loving have him in their lives.
I feel stuck. Truly stuck.
Sorry its not a happier update.

I feel like I don't know which way is up anymore.

Please don't choose your useless family over your lovely baby.

He might have not have tonnes of relatives but he would have lots of MN aunties!

You can do this and you must. Your family are being horrible. Seriously ask them what they have against a defenceless baby that is their grandchild, nephew, etc etc.

Agree with itsfab. At this point it really is a case of ignoring your family right now and doing what you and your kids need you too.

This is hard and you have a lot of things your trying to sort out. It's mentally exhausting to be fighting on so many fronts but your doing it bright. Your doing it well. Just keep going. Keep fighting. Because baby bright needs you too. It will come good. If not this house then another one.

Your oldest ds is just venting at you. He can't see how things will get better yet. But they will and he will admire for your strength when this is over and he's living in a settled home with his siblings again.

Can you not buy a cheap £10 basic mobile so that you have a contact number for SS. Start ringing again today at 9am for the SW. Warn them if you haven't had contact by 11am you want to lodge a complaint. They cannot keep fobbing you off like this.

It will be okay bright. It's hard but it will be okay. Xxxx

Bright you are doing so well.
Please don't give up now.

You've had babies before so I'm not going to patronise you with a flowery view of how it will be when you get him home - but you know this. When he comes home (which he will) you will put one foot in front of the other, you will bond, and you will get there. Family or no family. His wider family are not what is important - nice if you have it, yes. But YOU are what he needs most in the world.
There are millions and millions of children in the world growing up without wider family networks. They are loved and cared for and that is what matters.

You have to fight. And it is exhausting, of course it is. You have so much emotional stregnth to even have got this far.

You are such a strong woman and your son needs you.
Your oldest DS will come round. I expect your family will too when they get used to it - think about how much shock you were in - they will be feeling that too, it is natural. Hard, unfair, and hurtful, but I bet they will grow to love him as much as you do.

We believe in you and you have done so well.
I am disgusted in the way children's services have treated you - but you need to fight back. You need to build links with the manager and liaise directly with him/her - trust me, working in a social work department - this tactic works.

Come on. you can do it.

Cut out the dead wood (ex sil particularly can bugger right off)... it gives space and energy for new growth.

I'm sad for you bright, that you are still being let down by ss. I can imagine how hurt you are with your dad. The offer of practical help (deposit) means he does care. Perhaps he doesnt trust himself to show emotion with you because he hasn't worked out how he feels about it all and just doesn't know what to say?

So many people are willing you on to come through this. Your ds will come round, surely everyone remembers being 14 and how it is an awful age to be. It sounds like he's got a lot on his young shoulders. I hear the teenagers section here is very good, maybe head over and look when you get a chance.

You can make this work bright Best wishes x

Hi bright. Hang in there, you've come a long way to get to here. Give yourself huge credit for that.

Agree with doodle that the offer from your dad shows he cares. I know not the way you want but it's something. Your ds is the only person worth worrying about here. It's a lot to cope with for all of you. How about some family counselling? I think relate do it, not just for couples.

Keep pushing ss for more contact until you bring baby home.

I really think you sound so loving and strong. You will be ok in the end. Keep on going till you get there. No foster parent will love your baby like you. Xx

Bright, I'm sorry you aren't living your fairytale ending yet. But life isn't a fairytale - often we have work to gwt through the shit life throws at us. But lool how far you have come since your first post, how much you have overcome, how much you have achieved. You are getting there, just keep plodding on, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. I know you are hurting from the way your family are behaving, they sound very selfish but please try to block them out and carry on as you are, preparing for your future with your litttle boy.

As for your ds, as someone said above, 14 is a really difficult age anyway, I can remember acting up, being horrible to my mum. I'm sure he doesn't really blame you. He is taking any hurt he has out on you. But this is temporary and will pass. You're his mum. He'll get over it. Just keep talking to him and reassuring him.

good luck bright.

Wow Bright. You may not be at your fairy tale ending yet but just how far you have come in such a short space of time.

In just one month and one day you have given birth and recovered physically and mentally enough to be getting on with life.
You have broken the news of ds3 to your dad. You have told your dcs about their new brother.
You have coped with family members reacting extraordinarily badly.
You have organised a new home for your family.
You have attended meetings, engaged with SS and proactively gone out to get support.
You have kept things going for your other dcs -school, appointments, daily life.
You have started the journey of bringing ds3 home.

A month ago today you were in despair. Down entirely to your own strength of will and character you have turned things around from going in one direction to going completely in the opposite in only a month. I do believe you are an amazingly powerful and brave person to have managed so much.

I'm sorry, Bright, but there wont be a fairy tale ending because this is not a fairy tale. It's real life with all the joys and let downs that real life brings. You've achieved this much in a month. Just think what you can manage in a year.

Keep going, Bright. Your ds3 deserves to live with his magnificent mum.

Hang on in there bright. You've been through so much and stayed strong.
Keep on at SS, give your Dad and kids some time to adjust and take care of yourself, ignore anyone being negative.
You can do this!

I'm sure your family will come round. If not, well you know where you stand. Stay strong, you've come so far. Sending hugs and good wishes Bright.

Hi Bright,

I have been thinking about you. I really hope you are getting some support. Hope you are able to lean on the people supporting you, those giving you a hard time will either come around and be on your side or prove they are not good enough to be a part of your family and support network.

Sending you hugs and support.

xx

Thinking of you! X

Bright I hope things are getting better. For what it is worth, and I am very sorry your dad cannot do or say what you need, but do take from him what he is willing to give, money for your home, which you will share with your kids. Your teenager has been through so much and hopefully will come through this. You have all been through so much.

I am sorry you are dealing with fallout from family situations and that people are saying and doing unhelpful things in your wider family.

Concentrate on what you can manage and what you can influence.

Concentrate on your family and building connection between them all.

Remember there has been an outpouring of affection and sympathy, maybe even empathy, from posters who send you many messages, this thread is up to 24 pages, 597 messages. Concentrate on the good and work towards what you want. In a long time all these squabbles and disappointments will be in the past but what will remain is your children and you. Take all the help that if offered, as long as it does not come with strings or a price you cannot manage.

Be at peace that you have changed the tide of things, you will get there. Maybe this baby will part of that change. If you can do this, maybe you can do anything.

Bless you Bright - do not be drawn into their muddy puddles but go and find the sunshine you.

Maybe this baby will be a part of that change.

do not be drawn into their muddy puddles but go and find the sunshine you need.

Just a small update. I'll have to be quiet as I have a sleeping baby in my arms
Yes I got ds back today for good!
After the sw being worse than useless and no progress being made with contact I decided house or not ds needed to be back with me. My dad agreed but just for a short time. The other DC have coped really well with meeting ds and accepting him coming home.
I feel a whole range of emotions. Keep bursting into tears, wondering how I'll cope then the next minute I feel happy beyond belief. Think that's normal?
Still a lot to do, housing, counselling and getting used to sleepless nights!
Cannot thank you all enough for all your advice and support. It means more than I can ever say. 6weeks ago today I was starting to feel the first twinges of labour and was so scared and felt so alone. Today i 'm still scared but feel less alone!
for maccie who has spent hours advising me, listening to me sob and giving me strength.
to you all.
Have to go, my baby needs feeding

Oh Bright I'm so pleased for you. I'm grinning from ear to ear. Enjoy your little baby!