Boyfriend has really hurt me

[ThisHappysadgirl]

So relationship for 18 months. Normally see each other 3 nights a week. Had planned a weekend together just local days out. Long weekend so lovely day out today. Had planned a walk for tomorrow but he cancelled tonight to do his regular hobby. We went to bed at his and I have just left without waking him up. So upset

I think I’m done he isn’t going to change

Good for you, @ThisHappysadgirl. That sounds like the right decision. You’re a second thought, not a priority. Sounds way too casual for 18 months in. A committed boyfriend will want to spend quality weekend time with you. That’s not happening here.

Bin this one

Just don’t see him again. It’s only 18 months - not supposed to be this hard.

You are not his priority. Not even close. I am sure you can do better.

This all sounds odd.

You see him 3 times a week but rarely at weekends.

How old are you both?

After 18 months do you want to move this on into living together or getting married?

I think that's the right decision - he's showing you were you come on his list of priorities and it's below his mates and his hobby.

Anyone sacking off established plans with someone else to pursue a hobby is a arsehole. It is rude and entitled behaviour, and shows no consideration for OP at all.

Honestly you sound very high maintainance, having a weekend together doesn't mean every minute together and if goes to play football as usual or similar then that's perfectly normal?

Well done. So glad to pick up this thread and you got to a very logical and reasonable conclusion. You are worth someone who wants to be with you.

It is not high maintenance to set aside one rare weekend to spend with each other. You wouldn't say it was normal to disappear for the full day if they'd gone away for the weekend. This is the equivalent for them as they don't normally see each other on weekends but despite their plans he ditched her for his friends. That's not the op being high maintenance its him that's an asshole.

Edit for spelling

To him, you're jiust a shag, then he goes off to spend time with his mates

I'm confused. Did he want to meet for breakfast before sticking to his plans for the day? Maybe he wanted to smooth things over and placate you as he'd have to be completely thick not to realise you did a French exit due to being upset with him. Maybe he's going to promise another weekend just for you two but I wouldn't trust him to keep his word or be a willing participant. Even if he then said "OK, I'll keep to our original plans and spend the weekend with you" I'd be feeling second best. As for going back for 8pm - no, no, no.
I hope you've told him the rest of his weekends from now on are free...and the weekdays too.

My god, I couldn’t be dealing with all the childish drama. Relationships aren’t meant to be this hard!!

That is weird, to just leave. You discuss it like an adult when you wake up. Not leave in a huff.

I have read the thread, they don’t live long distance, and so not spending a weekend together since July is how it has suited both of them (or not suited OP at all more likely but I’m guessing that’s not been communicated either, just a lot of one-sided expectation for this one weekend to be special). I won’t regurgitate the rest of my post because, well, I’ve read the thread and given my response already, thanks.

The issue here is twofold.

1. He'd rather spend his weekend time with his mates doing his hobby thsn with you.
2. He makes, then breaks, his arrangement with you, despite knowing that it will upset you.

I'd say he's not that into you - he has you compartmentalised as a convenient 3-times-a-week sex and takeaway gig, and that's all he wants from you.

Typos

He won't spend the day together but still wants to shag🙄
Bin the twat

You've come to the right conclusion. He sounds like he's all taken and no give

So you asked to spend one weekend together in 3 months. He said yes then backed out.

Sorry but you are on the B track there. Stop wasting your time with him. He's not your life partner. Your partner shouldn't ever make you feel second best. Not after 18 years. And certainly not after 18 months.

“Here’s the thing, Dave. We had planned to do something this weekend so I had kept it free. When you cancelled that let me down. I’m wondering if that’s your normal way of being? If so, I found it off putting. “

Not angry, not emotional, but brightly and confidently and just a calm statement of fact.

See what response you get and take it from there.

Is the hobby Parkrun - meet up, run, then coffee afterwards?

If so, is there a reason you don’t join in and be part of it too?

It does sound like you both have quite different communication styles and expectations around relationships and time together

A weekend together in your home town wouldn’t strike me as meaning you need to be together 24/7. But equally, after 18 months, I wouldn’t expect to have to ‘book’ those days with my boyfriend either

The reason that she doesn't want to join in is that they had already agreed to do an activity she knew she would definitely enjoy. and now is being forced to fish for invitation to an activity she may not enjoy with people she may not choose to be with.

And I don't see why she should have to pretend not to be emotional. She has been rejected and is understandably emotional.

Hasn't she contorted herself to fit in with his world enough?

He hasn’t hurt you, you’ve sulked when he’s wanted to do something he enjoys. He’s not gone out of his way to cause you pain.

He cancelled a day they had planned together involving the OP cancelling other options.

It is not the first time he has done this.

The OP has had enough of being a handy shag during the week but surplus to requirements during the weekend.

If the OP was my daughter I'd be encouraging her to kick him into touch and find someone who actually wants to spend time with her.