Boyfriend has really hurt me

[ThisHappysadgirl]

So relationship for 18 months. Normally see each other 3 nights a week. Had planned a weekend together just local days out. Long weekend so lovely day out today. Had planned a walk for tomorrow but he cancelled tonight to do his regular hobby. We went to bed at his and I have just left without waking him up. So upset

Read the thread first weekend together since july

After 18 months, where is this going OP? I bet you have an idea in your head but I would sincerely doubt that concurs with his.

I don’t think you are in a relationship, you are in a casual situationship. Especially at three nights a week and limited weekends. Fine, if all parties are on the same page but you don’t seem to be.

Use your words, discuss this, again, that’s how relationships work. Not flouncing. You do seem a little hard work, this should all be easier. He should be desperate to spend all his free time with you! And for future it’s essential that people have hobbies and friendships outside their relationship/situationship.

I am not a LTBer, but for your sake you may be better drawing a line here and looking for a person who is a better match for you. Good luck!

Oh, and because women post on here in crisis, with physical injuries sometimes, in future please think more carefully about your thread title. You are upset, not ‘hurt’ in the way most of us would read that as being (physically).

Mate, he's just not that in to you

Why not read the OP’s posts? He’s done it before and he knows how she feels.

@ThisHappysadgirl do you really want to spend your time waiting for him to want to spend time with you. Find someone who values time with you. Obviously to find that someone you need to be single so ditch this one, he can't give you what you need.

The op could be 18 in this situation, that changes everything.

we haven’t got the context, especially when I responded. Though now the extra info does mean that he has a pattern of being inconsiderate

Why would he value you? You provide comforts on tap in his accommodation (please correct me if I am wrong). He is fine - he is sorted. He has what he wants. Why should he bother?
Change your behaviour with a new boyfriend, start properly, so he would treasure week-end time with you, look forward to it and not swap it for anything. But it is too late with this one - dump him. Let him do his hobby all he wants.

Why are you accepting being treated like this?
Of course he will continue to do it.

We teach people how to treat us.
You are a convenience, nothing more.
An option.
He'd prefer to be with friends today so that is what he is doing.

You are hanging around like a puppy waiting for a bit of his time.

He's not into you.
You are good enough for now, that's it.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk because your self esteem is non existent to accept this.

End things and move on.

So you usually see each other two weekdays evenings and one Friday evening until 8a Saturday morning, but no weekends as standard? Despite neither of you working at the weekend? Do you go on holidays together? If not I'd say you're not really in a relationship you're still dating

I think sneaking out in dead of night was pathetic.

Its fucking rude and if this was a female friend OP, you wouldn't get half as many people running defense for this shitty behaviour.

I personally dont think hes good enough for you, but if you are going to continue, at least learn to return his energy.

Because 18 year old girls should accept being treated badly?! What did you mean by that comment? Why would her being 18 change everything?

Thank you for all the comments. Time for a think

Disagree, in a later update the OP says “Not a team sport more meeting friends and then a quick go at a hobby they all do.”

He could done by 10am! (Given OP also said she usually leaves at 8am).

But OP hasn’t given enough info. Is it a truly quick meet up or will the he not be free until 9pm this evening, in which case that is a cancellation of a days plans and that is rude.. Also it’s not clear from the OP, what today’s plans were originally because a walk and a few local visits don’t sound time sensitive or like they’d have to take all weekend.

Boyfriend shouldn’t have agreed to an “exclusive 3 day weekend” because given he repeatedly changes plans it doesn’t sound like it’s what he actually wants to do, he probably agrees at the time it’s proposed because its easier than disagreeing at the time.

However think OP is being a bit overdramatic by leaving in the middle of the night, and saying he’s really hurt her - if he’s done this before it’s not going to change - she needs to decide if 3 days a week is sufficient and if not find someone else.

He cancelled the day and said see you tonight at 8pm

Basically he wanted you to go away until he's ready for a shag again. Sorry to be harsh, but you need to see this for what it is.

The bottom line is that he's not treating you with respect, and you are not a priority to him. You're not his first choice to spend time with at the weekend, and even when he does make plans for a whole weekend, for the first time since July(!) he will easily bin you off for time with his mates/hobby.
I couldn't be with someone who 18mths into a "relationship" didn't want to spend a whole weekend with me. I think you find someone who will actually prioritise spending time with you.

A bit of a drip feed OP. So basically the problem is that he keeps cancelling at the last minute, and this isn't a one off. If he isn't listening when you raise it, and keeps repeating the same behaviour, then you need to decide if this is what you want from a relationship. Seeing each other 3 times a week and then a weekend too feels like a lot to me, but that's just me. If it's too much for him, he needs to act like a grown up and tell you. You have boundaries, if he's continually crossing them, you know what you need to do.

Boyfriend shouldn’t have agreed to an “exclusive 3 day weekend”
Why are you implying OP forced him to agree to this? Where did you get that from?

Ffs, I thought from the title that this was about DV.

This all sounds very young and casual. Take it as a learning experience in you don't want to be treated in the future.

If you are in a relationship why don’t you spend the weekend together? What are your long term plans as a couple?

Is the hobby fishing ? which is why he suggested breakfast after the hobby ?

but then he changed his mind about breakfast too ?

So he messaged this morning to have breakfast?

And now he’s messaged again to cancel and meet at 8pm instead?

Please tell me you’re not going to meet him?

Sadly it shows that he would rather spend time with his friends than with you.

You are not a priority to him, and he wants you to stay there so he gets sex tonight.

I think you know what you need to do, end it, and find somebody who actually wants to see you.

How would he react if you suggested that you both spent the day with his friends?

That will tell you whether he genuinely wants to spend time integrating you into his life or wants a fuck buddy