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Original poster

Boyfriend has really hurt me

211 replies

ThisHappysadgirl · 26/09/2026 02:33

So relationship for 18 months. Normally see each other 3 nights a week. Had planned a weekend together just local days out. Long weekend so lovely day out today. Had planned a walk for tomorrow but he cancelled tonight to do his regular hobby. We went to bed at his and I have just left without waking him up. So upset

OP posts:
Mindgardner · 26/09/2026 08:46

On Insta there is a guy on the Ramsay show who frequently tells callers to the show "his behaviour is telling you what he isn't saying out loud".
So ask yourself what you think his behaviour is saying about you and your relationship.
And face up to the answer because you are worth more than this treatment!

Jiggerypokesy · 26/09/2026 08:52

SquirrelGG · 26/09/2026 07:38

It's nothing to do with standards being on the floor, what a ridiculous comment. Some of us don't feel the need to be with our partners 24/7 and understand the value of doing something separately now and again. Presumably they could still enjoy the rest of the long weekend together, but they aren't joined at the hip.

Show quote history

I agree. But this is all weekend, every weekend. Apart from Friday night when he fits her in. That’s fine if it suits you but it wouldn’t suit me or really many other people, especially after 18 months of dating.

Also it’s fine if it was agreed in advance but to say one thing and unilaterally change it for another last second is just rude. He knows from past experience that this would upset the OP but he did it anyway.

He should do what he wants but the OP can also say that doesn’t work for her.

Jiggerypokesy · 26/09/2026 08:57

SoftIce · 26/09/2026 08:33

I don't think he did anything wrong but to be fair, I'm also baffled that you prioritise him like you do (cancelling your own plans etc.). There is definitely a mismatch in priorities here but I actually think it is on your side. Just live your life and enjoy your relationship, your boyfriend doesn't have to come before and above everything else for you to be happy.

Edited

As Laurie Fairy Cake says that’s not really a relationship that’s just dating/shagging.

Fine if that’s all you want but even calling him your boyfriend in that set up is stretching it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
JLou08 · 26/09/2026 09:00

It sounds like something that would be annoying or disappointing. Not something that hurts and has you leaving without a word in the middle of the night because you're so upset.

DarkSatanicMIL · 26/09/2026 09:01

If he’s repeatedly hurting you with ditching you for a better offer, you need to stop repeatedly going back for further disappointment. The breakfast offer is a few breadcrumbs to stop you finally getting rid of him, which would be inconvenient for him when he wants a Friday night, effort free shag.

Jane143 · 26/09/2026 09:03

Why are you calling it a hobby? Is it something secret?

comealongdobbeh · 26/09/2026 09:05

ThisHappysadgirl · 26/09/2026 07:09

We have been here before though

Then stop putting up with it.

You haven’t had a weekend together since July.

This weekend was all planned and you cancelled stuff for it.

He made a choice to cancel last minute. This should tell you something:

-He doesn’t care for this time together as much as you do
-He’s happy to make choices that hurt your feelings
-You are not a priority

It’s only been 18 months and this has been a problem before.

Now it’s time to make a choice for you.

What do you want?

If you want someone who considers your feelings and honours plans that mean something to you, it doesn’t sound like you’re going to find him in this guy.

If you think you can change him, think again.

You deserve better.

(Edited for typos)

SoftIce · 26/09/2026 09:06

@Jiggerypokesy I'd say the same thing if they were married.😅

labamba007 · 26/09/2026 09:10

I don’t really understand why you’re getting a hard time here. You both made plans then he ditched you last minute for his hobby. He’s done it before. He’ll do it again. I’d get rid.

HumbleStumble · 26/09/2026 09:10

ThisHappysadgirl · 26/09/2026 07:00

The hobby was meant to be cancelled as I cancelled and said no to things. He has asked to meet for breakfast before the hobby .

What's the hobby ? Don't you dare say it will be too outing. If you don't say, I'll have to assume it's whittling effigies of Princess Diana out of wood with like minded individuals.

MrsBatshitRatshit · 26/09/2026 09:15

If you need your boyfriend's undivided attention for the whole weekend, he is probably not the right man for you. However, if you decide to start looking for someone else, you might find yourself fishing in a small pool.

Backpain2026 · 26/09/2026 09:15

For goodness sake 18 months in, this isn't a relationship. Have you been on holiday? See each other mid week? Been out with each others friends to parties and socialise?

If no. Then you are a Friday night fuck buddy. Dinner, sex and off by 8am on Saturday.

If that's what you want then brilliant, a casual situation which suits you both.

If you want a full relationship which might lead to living together, children etc. Then this is not for you.

He's loud and clear telling you that for him it's a Friday night fuck buddy set up and he's happy with that.

Your choice is now to decide what you want, and if you want something more then you are going to have to find someone else

YourOliveBalonz · 26/09/2026 09:16

Was his plan to still do the 3 days with you as planned but to fit in his hobby today? It sounds sort of intense to be in a relationship and think it means being together 24/7, it wouldn’t be reasonable to expect that if you lived together and it doesn’t sound like you are long distance where every moment counts together?

Tbh I probably recognise elements of this from when I was younger and more immature, I’m not meaning to insult you there, but leaving before he was up does point towards that. You want to punish him for having a different plan, and thought him waking up without you would show him how he’s messed up. That’s controlling behaviour I’m afraid, you may not literally be telling him what not to do but you are sending the message nevertheless.

SomethingYum · 26/09/2026 09:20

He’s just not that into you, take it or leave it.

and it’s probably best to leave it because if it upsets you you clearly don’t feel the same meh about him as he does about you.

you will absolutely meet the right person the sooner you stop wasting time on him

Northernparent68 · 26/09/2026 09:23

Why on earth don’t you tell us what the hobby is

C8H10N4O2 · 26/09/2026 09:26

SoftIce · 26/09/2026 09:06

@Jiggerypokesy I'd say the same thing if they were married.😅

Someone who could fit me in a few nights a week for a shag but never had time for me during the days would be, as pp say, a fuck buddy.

Someone who did the above then made plans with me for the day time, letting me cancel other plans to be with them and then fucked off to the hobby is a jerk as well as a fuck buddy.

After 18 months this man is telling the OP what she is to him - it isn't a partner.

Luckylu123 · 26/09/2026 09:26

Glitchymn1 · 26/09/2026 05:01

In all honesty I’d bin this off, it’s a new relationship and you’re young. This hobby will always come first, if he made plans with you then he should’ve stuck to them. You’ll always play second fiddle.
Have you not done anything together since July and why not? If it’s because of his hobby then he doesn’t have time for a relationship.
Make plans with friends going forward, he can either make a plan to see you or you’ll never see each other and it’ll fizzle out.

It’s NOT a new relationship though. They’ve been together 18 months. I dunno I’ve only had two long relationships and the second one I married. But at 18months I’d have thought you’d be really into eachother and heading towards making your lives together. Only seeing eachother 3 nights a week suggests to me that you don’t really enjoy eachothers company that much - certainly not enough to make eachother a priority…

RumPidgeon · 26/09/2026 09:29

I understand that you’re upset but leaving without speaking about it seems very childish to me. You essentially spat the dummy but aren’t able to articulate yourself in a way that gets the point across without looking controlling.

If he messages you just behave in a normal way and bring it up when you next meet. You both need to develop your communication skills as your relationship grows. I hope you can work it out.

CharityShopCharlie · 26/09/2026 09:38

MagneticSquirrel · 26/09/2026 07:31

Not enough information: How much time would this hobby take out of today?

If it’s park run or a regular 1-2 hr class or game (tennis, padel, badminton) or a short cycle ride then sounds unreasonable to have insisted on a completely exclusive long weekend seeing or doing nothing else but spending time with you when you see each other 3 nights a week. (Which is a lot if you are both working full time already - I couldn’t manage it!)

is this a “compromise” for him - short time for a regular hobby rather than usual all day Saturday? (1 game vs 3 games?)

You don’t sound compatible TBH - if I was already spending 3 nights a week with a partner and then they insisted I could no go for a park run, class or play a quick game of tennis on Sat morning because we have to be exclusively together all day Friday to Sunday I’d tell them they could take it or leave it!

Edited

You're missing the point absolutely. They made weekend plans and he cancelled. She didn't tell him he couldn't do whatever he wanted.

hamnish · 26/09/2026 09:41

If, after getting on for two years, he rarely sees you at the weekend, only through the week, and cancels plans at the last minute for no apparent good reason, are you absolutely sure he’s being honest about how he sees your relationship, at best - and at worst, whether he’s fitting it around, um, other commitments?

Either way, there’s better out there for you, OP.

anyolddinosaur · 26/09/2026 09:42

He ditched you last minute, you are not his priority. He knows how you feel, he's done it before. If you make up easily now he'll go on doing it.

localnotail · 26/09/2026 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Firstly, wanting to spend time with someone is not "needy" - this is generally a put down controlling people use towards someone who has expectations of them.

Secondly - cancelling at the last minute is a shit thing to do - she planned the weekend and he fucked up her plans without care or respect.

Thirdly - What do you want, for a person to spend their time off doing something they dont want to, knowing that they would rather be elsewhere - well exactly, he would rather be elsewhere, so as she. He can fuck off to his hobby and do whatever he'd rather do.

OP - I think you done the right thing. You showed him you are not happy, the ball is in his court now. Dont message or contact him, do something for yourself, see friends and forget about him for a while.

WildLeader · 26/09/2026 09:49

ThisHappysadgirl · 26/09/2026 06:59

We live close but generally he is busy at the weekends so we see each other Friday night and then go our separate ways at 8am on Saturday morning. That is why this weekend was special and planned as time together

Omg! You’re a weekly booty call!

he’s not into you. Throw this one back

Merseymum1980 · 26/09/2026 09:56

Get rid. If he hasnt spent one weekend with you since july then he isnt that interested.
Its the last minute thats hurtful when you are so excited.
If done it before will continue.
Not sure how old you are but you are probably best concentrating on other things than a boyfriend

Waitingforthistopass75 · 26/09/2026 09:58

I feel
like people have forgotten how to communicate and do relationships. There’s so much nuance people miss.
surely in this case OP should communicate how it made her feel, talk it through then base the next steps on where they end up.
No person is perfect in a relationship. Every person makes a mistake and upsets the other. Relationships need to be worked at and worked through. If the behaviour becomes a pattern and there’s no resolution that works for both then decide on what to do. As a one off? It’s not LTB stuff really is it?