Would it be kind to take treats in after an awkward comment?

[ForMerryPinkCat]

I saw the most awkward situation at work today and have to share it because I keep thinking about it.

I work in a small team and we had a new person start today who unfortunately seems to have foot in mouth syndrome.

She's already accidentally insulted the business owner by making a bad joke about his car. (He's a farmer and drives a mildly battered pick up)

She then made a thoughtless remark because I put a spoonful of sugar in my coffee. Fat people shouldn't have sugar, apparently.

The thing that's making me cringe is a conversation I only got the last bit off but it was awful.

The business owner's wife also work for the business. New hire said "sorry, I have CDO. It's OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be."

That's cringe enough but it was incredibly awkward and horrible because the couple who own the business have a teenager daughter who has been suffering very badly from (diagnosed) OCD and is currently in hospital because of it.

Would it be weird if I took a few treats in tomorrow? They're both lovely people and the family has been through so much I'd like to do something to show them we care!

Sure, do that, but you might also need to have a word with Ms Foot In Mouth

But I assume the business owners are perfectly capable to putting the new starter in her place if and when necessary? I mean, you’re acting as if they’re powerless young children upset because another child was mean to them, but they have far more power than she does here. Let them handle it.

If she comments on what you eat or drink again say ‘I’m sorry, Helen, I didn’t hear that’ and give her a chance to rethink. If she does actually repeat ‘You take sugar, porky?’ then tell her that commenting on other people’s food or bodies isn’t professional. And surely bringing in treats is just going to line up another opportunity for the tactless new person to comment on your food intake?
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Treats are never a bad thing. I really hope the daughter is well and home soon.

Honestly OP, stay out if it.
This person sounds like a terrible fit for the company and ought to be finding another job before she pisses anyone else off.

Well that isn’t ‘foot in mouth’ as that makes it sound like when you say something and it comes out wrong and it’s mortifying.

She is just fucking rude. Hopefully they will sack her off. I was told by a new person once that I should change my personality - he wasn’t even joking,

No don't do that. Let the business owners deal with it in a professional manner and stay out of it.

Honestly I'll be surprised if they keep her on.

I've taken some chocolate brownies out of the freezer and will take them in tomorrow. It's pretty normal for one of us to take treats in anyway.

Good plan. Hopefully she will be a very temporary pain in the ass for you all!

On the plus side, she will be one of those people who becomes the stuff of legend!

I think it’s a bad idea. You are getting involved with something unnecessarily and it’s a bit mean. They have hired her and now you are sending the message that they need cake to bolster themselves up deal with her.

She shouldn’t have said what she said to you about the sugar but that’s a separate issue and if this were me, I’d speak to her privately. But just about that.

I don’t see why she should not have OCD just because her boss has a daughter who also has OCD.

But in conclusion, I think you should keep out of it.

She doesn't have OCD. She made a crass joke about OCD.

Unless OP is telling her bosses that she’s brought them cake to make them feel better then she’s not “getting involved”. And if people regularly bring cake in there’s not a lot to worry about.

Not sure how brownies will help with the fact they've clearly hired the wrong person. I'm sure they will be enjoyed though!

‘Treats’?
Ugh.
You will just be inviting more ‘porky comments. Are you going to provoke this?

I don’t see the connection between bringing in “treats” and your colleague being weird, but these two things can easily co-exist. She’ll still be weird and you’ll all have cake?

Sounds like you are being really quite hostile to this new hire, nit-picking everything she says and taking faux-offence.

So if you think they’re going to end her contract during her probationary period, why are you behaving as if they need to be consoled with brownies as though they were sad schoolchildren to whom someone is being mean?

If this is actually about her rude remark to you about taking sugar, own that, and address that with her, rather than getting outraged on your employers’ behalf.

Addressing that with her is all sorts of wrong. She is clearly vile. If the opportunity arises for you to help her on her way out of the door, do take it though.

Why would saying ‘Can you please not comment on me taking sugar in my coffee, Vanessa?’ be ‘all sorts of wrong’?

Quite hostile? Bloody hell. She’s clearly a bit of a twat. I have a mouth on me and love to have relaxed relationships where we take the piss but anyone with any brain cells knows that when you start a new job, you keep your head down and your gob shut until you get the lie of the land.

Failure to do that will put you in a very awkward position. She has said several things so it’s not accidental.

Because people like that who are happy to insult someone in their new workplace are unlikely to have done it by accident. They then do the whole faux ‘oh I didn’t mean it’ shit.

Plus even though she’s insulted the bosses, she may still go whining about it being hostile.

I speak from experience unfortunately.

I wouldn’t assume your boss has had their feelings hurt about the stupid OCD joke. It’s a general ‘joke’ and wasn’t aimed at their child.
The ‘joke’ about the sugar was aimed at you so it’s more understandable that you feel upset.

IDK about the joke about the truck. Was your boss actually offended?

Well, she literally says she wants to show the boss that she cares. So to me, she’s making a statement with her treats. If people regularly bring in cake, then I don’t understand why she’s even asking the question.

We don’t know if the has OCD or not because the OP hasn’t said that she does or doesn’t. The woman has only been there for a day.

So what, though? It’s irrelevant whether the new colleague is a tactless dope or a conscious bitch, or whether she says ‘I’m sorry, that came out wrong’ or ‘That’s not what I said! You’re mean!’

The OP should confine herself to dealing with rude or tactless things the new hire said or did to her, and deal with those directly if necessary, not go around getting hurt on behalf of other people.

If, as she thinks, her employers are unlikely to keep the new hire on beyond probation, whether or not she thinks it’s a hostile environment is unlikely to be important. She doesn’t have any power as a brand-new employee.

Well, yes.