Would six weeks abroad without my children be unreasonable in these circumstances?

[justafteropinions]

I live in Australia. My mother lives in Spain. My mother has been given up to a year to live. It might be my last chance to see her. My children are 4 and 6. We have no other family in Australia. Would it be unreasonable to go and visit her for six weeks? I considered bringing the 4 year old with me, since the older one has school, but I have decided to leave both if I go. The whole family can't go because we can't afford it and can't get finance. My sister is going to pay my airfare. They would stay with their father obviously. I want to see my mother but feel torn about the children.

Go, your children will be ok. You can video chat with them whilst you are away.

Sorry to hear about your mother.

Under the circumstances I would say yes. Your children may miss you but you have time with them in the future. Not so with your Mum xxx

Go, but could you buy your return ticket separately so you can come back earlier if you needed to?

Go Op
The chance to go stay with Mum is vital.
It is great the kids have Dad to stay with..video chattings so handy.

Oh OP. How awful for you all. I’ve been in a similar situation although it wasn’t another country but 4 hours away, and my DD was 11.

I had to “dump” her at my friend’s house for 6 weeks while I stayed with my mum at my old family home. It was a traumatic time for me as a single parent but I’m so glad I was there.

40 years later and I’ve just started counselling about it, as for my DD she doesn’t even really remember it.

Your kids will be with their dad, they will be fine. And service personnel leave their kids for 6 months at a time so it’s not that rare.

If I have one bit of advice is look after yourself too. When you get back to the UK and normality it’s easy to push everything down. But don’t be like me and need counselling 40 years later ❤️

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but be with your mum.

Your children will be absolutely fine. Go.

Just to add some balance. No I wouldn’t leave for 6 weeks for any circumstances. Depending on your children perhaps they will be absolutely fine. I only have one dc and would only leave if I was physically unable to be with her as the impact would be insurmountable. She’s 6.
its a long trip but is there any way you can shorten it to 3 weeks?

Ignore this OP - do what you need to do and do not feel any guilt your child will be fine. When I was 9 my Dad was away for 8 months, this was in the 80s so only had letters & all was fine.

The impact would be insurmountable - What a load of tosh!! 😂

Kids are resilient. If your dh is a good dad, it will be fine. If he isn’t a good dad, it’ll be a good time for him to learn.

This is your last time with your mum on this earth and the children will be just fine with their Dad.

You are only a text / call away if they need to know anything and video calls will see them through. They'll miss you but maybe also appreciate you more when they are back 💜

Fair enough but it’s true in my case. Some children need more others need less. One of op’s children may be fine the other may not.

If my DM had travelled when I was small I would’ve been unbothered. My younger brother would have stopped functioning- he could barely cope if she was late home from work!

You don’t know if her children will be fine. Lots of parents wouldn’t leave their child for 6 weeks. If I had to do it I’d pull her out of school.

my DH travelled for 3 weeks to see his DM and said he’d never do it again and we’d all have to if he went again. We couldn’t afford to do it which is why he went alone. I’m not being unsympathetic I’m just not agreeing as if there’s no possible impact.

If their dad is responsible and caring then they will be OK. You will be able to face time them etc. Is there any information that you have left out about their father's capacity to provide them with support?

(edited for typo)

I would go, you won't be able to replace the times and memories you will make with your mum. When we were young my dad travelled for work to places which back then in the mid 1970-1980's were fairly remote places. Mum was left for 5-6 weeks each time with 5 of us kids with only letters and planned 2 minute phone calls on bad lines. We all survived. We understood, no one needed counselling. It's so much easier these days with easy communications.

You can leave your children if their father is able for it. You could also take your children if you can afford it.

So, if you leave your children at home, contact the school. They need to know. Have a look at your routines. Will you need OSH? Or does your DH need help just one or two days per week so you could put a call out to your class parents for help. Does your school have a parent liaison/pastoral care lead? They can help.

If you take your children. They will take time and effort. And this won’t be a holiday. Will you have the time for this or is your sister looking for a greater effort from you? Would you have the finances to hire an au pair? Re schooling, school will be fine. Either the teacher will set work or you can contact SIDE in your state and talk it through with them eg https://www.side.wa.edu.au. There isn’t the ferocity about school attendance here in Australia. There are often workarounds.

I’m sorry you’re in this position. It is terribly hard.

I’m so sorry OP. This would have been terribly hard for me and for my children when they were this age. But if it was my last chance to spend time with my mum, I would absolutely go.

You think that taking a child out of school to a potentially traumatic situation, having little or no attention as OP will be focused on the DM, is preferable to being kept in normal (as possible) routine with their other parent is a better option?

Go OP, you need to do this, your children will be fine, it’s also coming into summer in Australia and they’ll have lots to do there. I bet other parents will also rally round your family and help out.

You need to focus on your DM now.

Definitely go. We have FaceTime now it’s not like you will vanish. What about kids whose parents are in the military/ oil rigs? Or the numerous children in places like the Philippines where mum works overseas to send money home?

Pay no heed to the martyr up thread! Do what you must.your mam hasn’t long left ,your child will be fine.they will understand in years to come.

I'm so sorry, we had this exact situation when I was little only our family were in NZ. My mum left us with my dad for 2 months, we were fine, she bought loads of presents back 💐 I was 7 and barely remember it xx

Is their father capable of looking after them? What about school drop offs if he’s working etc? Do you have any other support in a case of emergency? If so yes definitely go you can face time daily it’s important you are with your mum. Just take care of yourself too.

He will feed them takeout the whole six weeks. That's a fact. Otherwise he'll manage.

What’s the worst that’s going to happen? I don’t think they’ll be permanently traumatised or forget you in 6 weeks.

There is a friend of the family who could help. My children will have to go there two nights a week when my husband works. My eldest is crying about this because their older son bullies her but there isn't anyone else. We've been in Australia for five years and don't really have those contacts and no family. School drops are sorted. I think I need to go. It's my last chance.

I would just go for 2-3 weeks. Why six weeks?

My eldest is crying about this because their older son bullies her but there isn't anyone else.

You absolutely cannot send a young 6 year old girl to a house with a bully, she’s told you she’s not safe there and you’re saying you don’t care if you send her there. You husband can change his work plans for a few weeks or find an alternative arrangement.