I’ve been put in an awful position by friends Dad!

[FancyDreamer]

My friends dad added me on Facebook not long ago, which isn’t unusual I have lots of my friends parents on there. I noticed he’d separated from her mum but never messaged or engaged with him at all.

I posted some pictures at a garden centre yesterday and he has liked them all then messaged me saying hi and calling me baby girl, I’m in my 40s he’s in his 60s so immediately my back came up with the term. I didn’t respond to the message.

Today he’s sent me atleast 10 messages; not once have I replied saying he thinks about me a lot he’s single now and we should meet up one day for a drink. I’m absolutely furious because now I’m in a position where he’s crossed a line. I will feel uncomfortable at my friends gatherings as we quite often do all get together family wise as my parents were close with her parents so on and so forth.

I still haven’t replied but intend on telling him it’s entirely inappropriate, but do I tell my friend this has happened? We’ve been friends over 30 years and never ever fallen out. I feel sick.

WTF!!!

I’d send that message telling him to stop and say that you’ve had to let his daughter know because frankly you’re concerned about his behaviour. And I’d let your dad know.

Personally, I wouldn’t go down the “I think your dad has been hacked route” because it isn’t really true is it? And she’ll know that’s not really what you think.

If I were in your position I’d send something like the one you quoted and said you were going to send to him. And then I’d tell your friend that her dad asked you out for a drink and you told him you didn’t think that would be appropriate with your families history.

You don’t have to tell her all the gory details of either his messages or your response to it all, but it’s honest and gives her the general idea without causing any embarrassment. I wouldn’t appreciate a friend of mine saying “I think your dad’s been hacked” when it’s bloody obvious that’s not what she (or anyone else) would think.

perfect, quite perfect imo

it’s all a bit of hair splitting on the terminology — how about “He’s an old as dirt dirty old man’ with the ‘baby girl’ — so gross!!

I agree with the first part, just block him and he'll get the message. Not sure about your sweeping statement about middle aged men. I know plenty who are nothing like that.

I would block him and say nothing, then be polite but distant if you see him in public. Your friend doesn't want or need to hear about her dad's sleazy behaviour. Being blocked will be give him a clear message that you're not interested.

So horrible for you. I wouldn’t tell your friend. I would message him as he needs putting in his place and maybe tell him that if he messages you again you will tell his daughter and then of course block him on everything.

It is Facebook so there is a chance he has actually been hacked.

That is pretty perfect!

Tell him he's being ridiculous and block him.

No need to say anything to friend, she would be mortified.

Yeah, which is fine. She just needs to tell him that and then all is well.

It’s only sleazy if he doesn’t let it go after she turns him down.

I'd keep it short, reply 'not if you were the last man on earth, you daft old bastard' - maybe add the vomit 🤢 emoji - and then block him.

To be honest, this makes the entire situation even worse! This is a man who's daughter is not only a close friend, but one who's home you spent time in as a teenager and he's friends with your parents. This man goes fishing with your own Dad, at weekends!!

He's known you since you were 11/12+ years of age! He's watched you grow from a teenager into a grown woman!

I honestly don't understand why he would think you'd be interested in him??! He's 20 years older than you, at least, and more importantly he's the Dad of your friend! It's inappropriate, full stop.

As for telling your friend....well she'll either somehow blame you, because it's easier than facing up to the fact her Dad is a creepy, sex pest. Or she'll be utterly mortified, and be disgusted with him. You need to be fully prepared for your friendship to fall apart if you tell her, and to lose her as a friend. In an ideal world, your friend would back you up, no question but reality can sometimes be different.

I’d screenshot and send to your friend saying “has your dad’s account been hacked?”

Then block.

It's weird, but this seems like another example of a poster being melodramatic, being "sick" and "absolutely furious." What if instead you characterized it as just awkward and a bit creepy?

If it were me, I'd reply, pleasantly saying that you got his note, but, whether he's single or not, your view of him stays the same, as the father of your friend, so it would be too bizarre going beyond it. Don't lecture him. I'd throw in an "LOL." Then I'd send a note to the friend, also with an "LOL." Just treat it lightly, as if it were an absurd faux-pas on his part. The more seriously or angrily you treat it, the likelier it is that you will damage the relationship with your friend.

Another instance to make me glad I stay away from FB.

I actually think the "has his account been hacked" is making it more awkward, not less.

Rather than playing it all down, it is tantamount to saying he is SO creepy it isn't even believable. It's kind of passive aggressive - in the true sense of that term, not the "this person won't act exactly the way I want them to" usage..

ETA I'd just do her the courtesy of playing it straight if you must raise it with her. Just tell her what has been sent, without anger, and, more importantly, without pity. There's no need to opine on whether he really sent it or not. Let her make up her own mind.

I don't think the OP should be pleasant to him at all. She's the same age as his daughter, She's known him as a friendly father figure since she was 10 years old, and now he's hitting on her? He deserves nothing but a robust 'fuck off you pervert' response.

He's in his 60s like myself, a woman, and as I'm beyond middle aged now, then so is he.

Yes, I figured that would be the way most of you think. However, in my opinion, her being overly direct and insulting might not only damage the friendship, but would increase her feeling uncomfortable at gatherings.

That’s really good!

THIS

Unfortunately it has to be the message and not just blocking. He might be doing this to others
So I would add something to the excellent suggestions already given, saying I hope you are not repeating this unwanted and inappropriate behaviour elsewhere

"Fuck off you creepy perverted old cunt. Bye."

I’d screenshot the messages before I blocked, as I don’t think you can see them once you’ve blocked someone? and maybe you will want evidence. I’d probably also reply- ‘I’m not your ‘baby girl’, although I’m about the same age as your actual baby girl. Don’t contact me again.

How could middle age go up to 65 unless you’re expecting to live to be 130?

eta Sorry I didn’t mean for that to sound argumentative! I know you were just posting a screenshot of a definition. I just don’t really get how the concept of middle age works, I don’t think. I used to think 40s-early 50s was middle aged. But I don’t think of people in their 60s being “old”, so I don’t know how I’d word it. Anyway, not the point of the thread!