I’ve been put in an awful position by friends Dad!

[FancyDreamer]

My friends dad added me on Facebook not long ago, which isn’t unusual I have lots of my friends parents on there. I noticed he’d separated from her mum but never messaged or engaged with him at all.

I posted some pictures at a garden centre yesterday and he has liked them all then messaged me saying hi and calling me baby girl, I’m in my 40s he’s in his 60s so immediately my back came up with the term. I didn’t respond to the message.

Today he’s sent me atleast 10 messages; not once have I replied saying he thinks about me a lot he’s single now and we should meet up one day for a drink. I’m absolutely furious because now I’m in a position where he’s crossed a line. I will feel uncomfortable at my friends gatherings as we quite often do all get together family wise as my parents were close with her parents so on and so forth.

I still haven’t replied but intend on telling him it’s entirely inappropriate, but do I tell my friend this has happened? We’ve been friends over 30 years and never ever fallen out. I feel sick.

I agree with this100%.

Send him a firm and clear message. Let him know that you are not interested in him.
His behaviour is totally inappropriate. Then block him. At family gatherings ignore and blank him.
I wouldn't tell your friend because I believe this will create an awkwardnessbetween you, your friendship may not be the sameafterwards.

I agree. I know lots of friends/neighbours etc in their 60s all are still working in professional roles. I certainly don't consider any of them elderly.

That's fair enough.

That means nothing, 45 is grandad age where i was brought up 😂

Why is it entitled or being a sleaze? He has hit on her, and that’s it…as long as he backs off when OP tells him to then what is the problem.

I sometimes wonder how we are ever supposed to meet someone of the opposite sex now if someone trying to crack on is now sleazy and frowned upon…I am glad I am married and don’t have to deal with any of that nonsense.

FancyDreamer I prefer the suggestion your mother made. I need to tell my friend and I think I am going to take the “I think your dads been hacked” route.

I do receive some weird posts from an old friend because his page has been hacked, asking for money for a sect after a few messages, which he has no idea about until I inform him via email. You never know.

Reply saying you aren’t interested in people old enough to be your father, that should shut him up and would he be interested in someone old enough to be his mother?

This happened to friends of mine. Friend A’s dad did the same to friend B. Friend B told the dad it was inappropriate but never told friend A. Definitely the right thing to do. Friend A would have been devastated and felt she had to choose and would realistically have affected the friendship regardless of fault

Come on he should realise it’s inappropriate to be hitting on a woman who is the same age as his daughter, and someone who is with friends with his daughter in fact! I’m sure there are women his own age he could meet.

You might not be the only one, he may have messaged a few of his daughter’s friends.

Maybe middle-age should finish when you reach retirement age?

But you would probably view your friends parents differently, as you have known them in a parental role for years and years and treated them with the respect due to their age and as your friend parents.

This happened with the father of a friend of mine (genuinely). Well, not the flirting, but he was hacked and started messaging me. I replied a bit at first, but then realised something was off.

I think it’s more that he’s known her since she was about 10 years old, that’s the real ewww factor.

Oh I missed that. Even worse!

Why the fuck should op be ‘polite’ or ‘deal with it’?
When will we stop pandering to these disgusting men?
find your anger op. The shame is not yours to bear.

I think it depends on their age. Elderly implies infirmity to me. I don't see people in their 60s like that.

My parents friends are in their 80s and beyond. They are definitely getting on but some of them are pretty fit and healthy so I don't really consider them elderly either. They're just older. I wouldn't want to go out with one of them though !!!

GROSS. Block him. And tell your friend, sorry.

Perfect

You’d be surprised. I found out some stuff about my dad. I honestly wish that person hadn’t told me about it to be honest. I think OP should just block him and forget him.

God even my sleazebag of a father wouldn't have done something like this. He'll tell everyone he was hacked if you do raise it so you might as well just tell your friend her dad has obviously been hacked on FB since he's sending inappropriate messages. Don't engage with the messages at all because I suppose there's a tiny chance he has in fact been hacked

Yes, this. I mean, honestly, can any of the women on here imagine messaging their son's friends and saying this ("Hi baby boy ... thinking about you now I'm single.") I mean when you reverse it like that it goes beyond comedy, yet men seem to think we'd find it sexy.

I think Op that provided you slam this door shut on him, and hard, you don't need to feel any guilt about not telling your friend. As a pp noted, it's not like she can divorce him. I WOULD keep the messages to show her if it all comes out warped.

Just go in quickly and simply: "I'm sorry, I find it really inappropriate and, to be honest, slightly creepy, for you to message your DD's friend in that tone and I will be blocking you. Please don't try to pursue this line further with me."

ETA when responding OP, I'd draft it as though his DD is the audience ie; draft it so you would be 100 percent comfortable with her reading it. Have her in mind when you write it, and that will have you covered if it all comes out later. It doesn't matter what he thinks; it matters what she thinks if it all comes out.

Isn’t that ageist? There are plenty of relationships that have age gaps that work, just because you don’t approve doesn’t mean it isn’t ok. There could (legally) be just 16 years between them, that is almost nothing…it’s ok for him to hit on her, just as it is ok for her to turn him down and set boundaries. It’s only a problem if he doesn’t respect the boundaries once they are set.

It’s not ageist and 16 years isn’t nothing. It seems like op has given no inclination that she sees him in that way and he’s known her since she was a child!

I would take screenshots for evidence, I wouldn't delete. It might help you if anything comes up in the future