I’ve been put in an awful position by friends Dad!

[FancyDreamer]

My friends dad added me on Facebook not long ago, which isn’t unusual I have lots of my friends parents on there. I noticed he’d separated from her mum but never messaged or engaged with him at all.

I posted some pictures at a garden centre yesterday and he has liked them all then messaged me saying hi and calling me baby girl, I’m in my 40s he’s in his 60s so immediately my back came up with the term. I didn’t respond to the message.

Today he’s sent me atleast 10 messages; not once have I replied saying he thinks about me a lot he’s single now and we should meet up one day for a drink. I’m absolutely furious because now I’m in a position where he’s crossed a line. I will feel uncomfortable at my friends gatherings as we quite often do all get together family wise as my parents were close with her parents so on and so forth.

I still haven’t replied but intend on telling him it’s entirely inappropriate, but do I tell my friend this has happened? We’ve been friends over 30 years and never ever fallen out. I feel sick.

Yuck. Why dont you just tell him to fuck off.

Telling your friend you suspect her dad's account has been hacked (as pps have suggested) or telling her that you're concerned his mental capacity is diminishing because he's behaving in a hugely inappropriate, sexual fashion, definitely seem like the 'easiest' ways to go. Make sure you screenshot the messages, in case 'proof' is required.

He's a disgusting pervert and brushing that kind of behaviour under the rug is never a good idea.

I think I’d tell my friend. If my dad was doing this to my friends I’d absolutely want to know.

Screenshot all the messages and send them to your friend. Then block him.

i’d send a message saying it’s totally inappropriate. When he replies (and he will) then unfriend and block.

On the subject of when you stop being middle aged ... I'd say that 30 to 60 is middle aged. 60 - 75 is old. Over 75 is elderly.

I think this is way too polite. Be blunt.

I assume you are very young. There is no way 30 is middle aged. Try 45-60.

I’m not sure I’d tell my friend - not sure what she can do about it.

But you absolutely need to be direct and shut it down. Just tell him that you are not attracted to him and that it’s completely inappropriate due to your friend and to please not message you about it again.

There are some seriously delusional 60 somethings on this thread! And I am not “very young” myself sadly!

Fair enough. I am 62 so I have forgotten what it was like to be 30! I hadn’t even had my kids then …

He’s not really middle aged is he?!!

Well there’s some debate about that haha

^^ This covers all I'd like to say to the creep

I heard middle age starts at 35 and ends at 50. It makes sense because 70 to 100 is a normal age range for people to die in. Hence half of that 35-50 is the mid life period. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. Half way through means there is still half to go.

The middle age of one's adult years?

I’ve just thought of the word! “Mature” 😂

I think like @Persephonia1966 said, I’d always thought sort of mid 30s (at the earliest, maybe late 30s really) to very early 50s is middle aged. Mid 50s to late 60s is “mature” and 70+ is old. Still not the point of the thread, though it seems we all need to sort this out 😂

You need to cut off this man's access to you now.

"Dear Jenny's dad. Have you lost your marbles? I'm very uncomfortable with you messaging me and asking me out for a drink, letting me know that you're now single. And? I'm not interested in old men that are also the dads of my best friends. Please find someone your own age to ask out, who's also not your children's friends. So inappropriate, seriously. I'm going to delete and block you from Facebook as I see no reason why we should be in contact."

Done.

Urgh so sorry op x

Oh god this is gross. Why are (some) men so bloody awful?

If my dad had acted like this, I’d want to know…if only so that I could stage some sort of intervention before he got himself arrested for harassing women!

I would just block him. I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell your friend though, she will be very embarrassed and could end up distancing herself from you.

I was once in a not dissimilar situation. I gave him a very curt 'no way' and did not tell anybody else. I just tried to avoid him - with varying degrees of success - at future social gatherings. This was years ago but it still pisses me off that I kept his dirty secret for him and - in a sense - became complicit. So if I had my time again I'd let everyone know what a scumbag he was. That is my own personal experience, but wanted to share as it feels as if, as women, we're often advised to keep quiet and not rock the boat - when the boat could do with a bloody good rocking. As others have said, whatever you decide, keep good records of his messages as he could turn things against you with a twisted version of events.

Block him but save all the messages.

proof if he ever tries to stir shit and claim it was you messaging him inappropriately

<bitter experience, luckily I had proof>

In my decades of experience of being hit on by sleazebags, you do have to be overly direct, because if you stay polite and friendly, they take it as a signal to carry on.

@FancyDreamer how did it go when you spoke to your friend?

Definitely think the "has he been hacked" route is best.