I’ve been put in an awful position by friends Dad!

[FancyDreamer]

My friends dad added me on Facebook not long ago, which isn’t unusual I have lots of my friends parents on there. I noticed he’d separated from her mum but never messaged or engaged with him at all.

I posted some pictures at a garden centre yesterday and he has liked them all then messaged me saying hi and calling me baby girl, I’m in my 40s he’s in his 60s so immediately my back came up with the term. I didn’t respond to the message.

Today he’s sent me atleast 10 messages; not once have I replied saying he thinks about me a lot he’s single now and we should meet up one day for a drink. I’m absolutely furious because now I’m in a position where he’s crossed a line. I will feel uncomfortable at my friends gatherings as we quite often do all get together family wise as my parents were close with her parents so on and so forth.

I still haven’t replied but intend on telling him it’s entirely inappropriate, but do I tell my friend this has happened? We’ve been friends over 30 years and never ever fallen out. I feel sick.

I don’t have the best relationship with my dad. If someone told me such a thing, I wouldn’t feel comfortable confronting him. I’d feel so awkward about the whole situation and annoyed I was brought into a situation that was not my fault. So I really wouldn’t tell her if it can be helped.

You say he added you on fb - but he sent a friend request and you saw fit to add him, although what you thought he would add to your life is beyond me. It hasn't worked out though, so just block him and get on with your life. Don't give the sad git any more head space.

She has said she has lots of her friends' parents on Facebook so it probably didn't seem like a big deal. I'm sure she wasn't expecting him to start propositioning her.

I think you should tell your friend. It is just so very inappropriate, I can't help wondering if it's dementia which can manifest itself as disinhibited / inappropriate behaviour.

Or it could just be a man of a certain age trying his luck. A regular occurrence on MN as middle aged believe they should be dating 20 something aged women

@FancyDreamer

This! He should see you like a daughter. Big age gaps are one thing, this is quite another. ‘Baby girl?!’ He likes them young then?

I would tell your friend, yes. I see you decided that you would. How has it gone?

I’d also tell your dad. Your friend’s dad obviously hadn’t considered this when hitting on you! Actions need to have consequences. I hope your dad has a strong word with him at least.

(And you were perfectly fine to have added him/accepted him as a friend on FB, in my opinion. Long standing family friends, it’s intended for connection, why wouldn’t you fgs? 🙄 )

I think @WeasellyCreature suggested response was perfect. But I would take screenshots of his messages and your reply. Keep them tucked away somewhere in case you ever need show them to your friend. As he is enough of a fool to send them, he may well be foolish enough to react badly to rejection.

This

As the daughter of a sleezy dad I would say please tell your friend -

it was the knowledge of how he behaved over the years with my Friends that helped me to see my dad for who he is and counter balance the rose tinted/ apologist angle that my mum put on his behaviour. It was deeply embarrassing how he behaved but I have been happier since I a have processed it.

This is probably a low thing to do but I'd want to screenshot those messages and send them to his daughter. And screen shot you've blocked him.

Agreed, but it is a change in behaviour. As he hasn't previously been like this then you have to question why the change and keep an open mind as to the cause.

Yes, he’s split from his wife and is single

I think it's far less likely to be due to dementia and far more likely to be due to him being newly single and trying his luck in a very inappropriate way.

Obviously dementia is not impossible and yes, disinhibitedness can be associated with it. But if there are no other symptoms it's pretty unlikely, and 60s is young for onset.

We don't know if that's the cause of the behaviour, or another symptom of something else. You'd probably want to leave your husband if he became disinhibited. It's very difficult to live with and very upsetting.

The cause of his behaviour is likely to be because he's a man. Not because he's got a brain tumour or is having an extreme grief reaction. He hasn't got a form of explosive diarrhoea that's inexplicably caused him to become sexually incontinent. He's just another dirty old bastard trying it on with his daughter's friends. Why are women making excuses for this tediously predictable behaviour?

Unfriend him and block him. Or tell him that you aren't interested (politely but firmly) then do the above.

It's an interesting question. Incidence of dementia age 65-70 is 2% of population. I wonder what the incidence of being a dirty old man / sleazebag is? Probably higher ,as you say!

Not friendly, just civil. And if she tells her friend, the friend may also give the father a talking-to.

I'd maybe message your friend or him or both to be completely transparent and say you think his account has been hacked.
As the messages seems very odd and out of character. Then leave it at that. He will know he is out of order and she will think he has been hacked. Then block him.

Tell him you've got a dad at home !Block him!

Way too wordy.
Jim - I am not interested in meeting for a drink or anything else. And don't call me 'baby girl'.
Then block.

It's not her friend's job to manage her father's behaviour, though. I'd be wary of telling her unless the situation escalates. It could cause a lot of upset. (Which would be his fault, of course.)

Sounds as if you've not had much experience with a complicated family.

Oh, believe me, that is far from true 😂