I’ve been put in an awful position by friends Dad!

[FancyDreamer]

My friends dad added me on Facebook not long ago, which isn’t unusual I have lots of my friends parents on there. I noticed he’d separated from her mum but never messaged or engaged with him at all.

I posted some pictures at a garden centre yesterday and he has liked them all then messaged me saying hi and calling me baby girl, I’m in my 40s he’s in his 60s so immediately my back came up with the term. I didn’t respond to the message.

Today he’s sent me atleast 10 messages; not once have I replied saying he thinks about me a lot he’s single now and we should meet up one day for a drink. I’m absolutely furious because now I’m in a position where he’s crossed a line. I will feel uncomfortable at my friends gatherings as we quite often do all get together family wise as my parents were close with her parents so on and so forth.

I still haven’t replied but intend on telling him it’s entirely inappropriate, but do I tell my friend this has happened? We’ve been friends over 30 years and never ever fallen out. I feel sick.

In my world "could be your daughter" has always been the frontier of ick territory.

I realise that will offend some people, but I guess they already know a lot of people think like that.

Had a Dad like this, don't involve the daughter it's more upsetting for her. Just send one of the boundary setting messages suggested or block him and have minimal contact with him going forward now you know what he's like.

Your dad’s been hacked is a great way of dealing with it.

DON'T do this! Poor girl would be so embarrassed, she shouldn't be having to get her dad to behave appropriately.

I would do as pp said. One message then block.

Yes, I consider men in their 60s old. They're not middle aged. They're old and this man is sure old enough to know better than hitting on his daughter's friend that he's known since she was young. Ew.

I think trying to bring this up as a hack is 🙄dumb. Just be straight with her. He's sent 10 messages in a day, he's crossing the line into harassment.

I agree - I’m 50 & I think 60s is old. People may not feel old or want to consider that they are, but 60s is definitely old!

This is disgusting. I think for me what is worrying is that he knew you as a child, he shouldn’t be able to see you as a potential love interest. He needs his hard drive checking!

Also, why do men have this much confidence? Imagine messaging a man 20 years your junior, fully shooting your shot without any hesitance, thinking full well you’re in with a shot! They’re so embarrassing.

Honestly I think you should screenshot his messages and then just block.

Don't respond. But if he tells your friend, you can tell her he sent some messages you were uncomfortable with and decided blocking was the best option. Then you have your proof but you've done nothing to antagonise.

But it’s her friends dad, which is why she’s in a bind. She’s probably used to being polite to him.
If it was a random man she could happily tell him to eff off, rant about him to everyone she knows, and never speak to him again. He’s using his position of trust and her friendship to manipulate her.
It’s not about the age particularly.

as the ‘friend ‘’ in this situation, please her tell:

my dad is creepy and inappropriate and I wish people had told me so I could deal with it

I’d go the other way. I’d be straight onto my friend with some screenshots (including one showing him messaging you and you not messaging back) and say “hey I’ve had this weird string of messages from your Dad, is he okay? Doesn’t seem like him, very out of the blue”

Im not ruining a great friendship but keeping some secret I never agreed too. Easy too then to say to friend “might be avoiding the family gatherings for a bit!”

Honestly I would forward the messages to your friend and say I think your dad's account has been hacked. Let her deal with it. That way you've been upfront about having received the messages and she will see that and also that you didn't instigate them. If he has been hacked they can take steps to resolve that and if he's a dirty perv then she can deal with him.

I’d copy to all his contacts with a note saying I think your account has been hacked so I’m blocking you
that covers all bases

🙄

I didn't say it was about the age. My original comment was to say a 60 something person isn't elderly in response to someone who said he was elderly, that's all 🤷‍♀️

Screenshot his messages in case he tries to twist things with your friend.

I would then message him:
’Hi Bob, are you ok? Given we’ve had a father/daughter relationship for the last 30 years, I’m finding your messages completely inappropriate. I realise this is a difficult time for you so wanted to drop a hint. Best Op’

When something similar happened to me, I told him to stop sending me emails and never communicate with me again, and that I wouldn't tell anyone what he'd done (and I never have). When someone asked me at the next gathering we were at together whether something was up (I guess she clocked awkwardness/ avoidance), I told her to ask him - and left it at that. Never heard a word again, don't know if she did ask him or not. (I think people have a radar for creeps, wouldn't be surprised if she never bothered).

I would probably tell your friend. I'd want to know if my dad did that to my friends and then I'd know not to keep him quarantined virtually and not to introduce him to anyone IRL.

To be honest I’d not tell your friend as I don’t think it’s her job to fix this. And I’d not want to burden her with it, I would howver treat him like any other old pervert and just respond and say this crosses a line, don’t message me like this again, and let’s be civil when our families get together, and then I’d block him.

Actually rethinking this, he could be messaging all her friends. So maybe best to tell her.

Personally I wouldn’t be able to hide it from a good friend for 30 years. I wouldn’t feel I was lying by omission. I think I would screen shot the messages and say something like - I know this is a awkward but this has happened and I feel like I’m in a difficult position, made the decision to ask your advice and I don’t want him contacting me in that manner. Something like that with the screen shots of the messages.

This is a brilliant and fair response

Op I’d have a look at his friends on Facebook, is he friends with a lot of uour friends friends and younger women, as such he could be doing this to many women,

I often have random men message me on face book and when I look at their profiles and friends, it’s all women. They go trawling looking.

i know that’s different as it’s a stranger, but there is a high chance this man is playing the numbers game and messaging lots of his daughters mates,

I'd screen shot the messages just in case you ever needed them as proof/evidence in the future and then block him.....
I wouldn't bother telling your friend. Some things are best left unsaid.

"Dear xxxxx, please stop sending me messages. I would suggest you look for someone nearer your own age."

Then block him on every channel.