I’ve been put in an awful position by friends Dad!

[FancyDreamer]

My friends dad added me on Facebook not long ago, which isn’t unusual I have lots of my friends parents on there. I noticed he’d separated from her mum but never messaged or engaged with him at all.

I posted some pictures at a garden centre yesterday and he has liked them all then messaged me saying hi and calling me baby girl, I’m in my 40s he’s in his 60s so immediately my back came up with the term. I didn’t respond to the message.

Today he’s sent me atleast 10 messages; not once have I replied saying he thinks about me a lot he’s single now and we should meet up one day for a drink. I’m absolutely furious because now I’m in a position where he’s crossed a line. I will feel uncomfortable at my friends gatherings as we quite often do all get together family wise as my parents were close with her parents so on and so forth.

I still haven’t replied but intend on telling him it’s entirely inappropriate, but do I tell my friend this has happened? We’ve been friends over 30 years and never ever fallen out. I feel sick.

'Fuck off you dirty old bastard'. Simple and to the point. It's all they understand

Screenshot the worst of the messages and show them to your friend.

Unfriend and block this creep. No need to worry about being rude - he is hardly worried about making you feel uncomfortable, is he?

I don’t think it’s just younger women they do it too though. I’ve had two acquaintances come onto me recently and we’re all in our 60s. Maybe they think they deserve a last hurrah. Whatever it’s gross. And much worse when they’re perving over younger women.

This

Screenshot it, maybe a firm no to him and tell him he is inappropriate.

Then yes actually I would tell your friend. If my was acting like this with my friends, I would want to know.

I wouldn't just block him, and I wouldn't go with the faux worry of 'have you been hacked'. I agree that this needs dealing with very directly.

I like the 'Dear Jim' message on the first page, and there are a couple of other very blunt ones. I would make it very clear that not only is it utterly inappropriate that he thinks its ok to send either a friend's DD or his DDs friend (as you are both) a message like this, but also that he's deluded if he thinks women in their 40s are interested in a sexual relationship with an old man like him.

I'd hit him in the ego to stop him messaging other women who are much younger than him, some of whom may be too polite to tell him he's disgusting.

Edited to say I wouldn't tell my friend out of concern for how mortified she would be, but I would screenshot his messages in case there was any need in future to produce them. I'd also make it clear to him that if he EVER contacted me again privately, or made any inappropriate remark to me at a family gathering that I WOULD be sending screenshots to his daughter and family.

I wonder though by going the "his phone may have been hacked" route that you are giving him a get out? He saves face, can deny intent and may well stop or find more subtle ways of 'wooing' you. I would send him a direct firm message to shame him and leave him in no doubt of your repulsion. Maybe to your friend you give her some vague info which she can either persue or ignore.

First reply says it all. Block!!! And ignore. Yuck

The most repulsive part of this is that he's known you since you were a child, and then he sends a message with the words 'baby girl' in it.

Christ on a bike - how many years has he been wanting to make a move?

@FancyDreamer You need to tell your dad that his fishing chum is trying his chances with his daughter.

Another angle to take would be to ask him if he knows who you are - does he know you're someone he knew as a primary school friend of his daughter? His internet/ tech skills may be so poor he's not put that together. Him in his 60s wanting to date someone in their 40s isn't a problem (unlike say 30s and 18 - 20). But most people wouldn't include their children's friends as part of their dating pool.

I agree with you, it's sleezy. It was the use of the word 'elderly' to describe someone in their 60s in relation to someone in their 40s I had issue with.

Why? 60s is quite elderly. There’s no denying it.

No! Dont Don’t do that. She isn’t responsible for him.

"I think you must have sent this to the wrong person or been hacked because this is FancyDreamer, your daughter's friend, I'm sure you didn't mean to call me baby girl because that would be quite embarrassing!

I'll let <friend's name> know in case any of her other friends are getting fake messages from this account, cant be too careful!"

I'd be tempted to ask him if he had been thinking about me that way since I was a child, given how long he has known you. But, that wouldn't be helpful.

I like the direct messages upthread spelling out how inappropriate he has been, followed by a blocking. I also quite like your mum's 'has your dad been hacked' option - you can sound blithely innocent that he could possibly be so grim and she can address it direct, when he either agrees he was hacked (lie) or has to admit the truth.

all of this. You are making it more dramatic than you need to.

Yes, if you're a child. If you're in your 40s it isn't and if you're in your 80s it's positively juvenile 😂

Middle aged? He's in his sixties it's highly unlikely he'll live to be 120 plus.

Middle-aged doesn’t mean ‘literally halfway through your life’.

I'd tell him very clearly at the first possible opportunity that I'm not interested and never will be. If he stops, fine. We're both adults, some 40something women would date 60something men including their dad's friends (it happens) so I wouldn't go straight to outrage and ageism if that's not my normal mode. But the fact that he has sent you ten messages already suggests that he probably won't stop, so be prepared to ruthlessly cut him off. The biggest issue I think is that you will "see him around". You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about and should not have to adjust YOUR behaviour or associations so I'd proceed as if nothing had happened (but, of course, avoid being alone with him or anything he might imagine is "banter") but if he crosses a line again I'd follow my gut on letting my parents and or my friend know why I'm intentionally avoiding him. It's uo to them if they continue to invite him.

Be an adult, don't say he's been hacked. You know he hasn't. I know you probably want to protect the daughter but come on.

my neighbour has massively stepped over a line. I need to deal with him too. Me early 50s same age as his daughter. 🤮

Yes, this is perfect.

No need say/do more than this.

Ouch! What a position to be put in, I’m so angry on your behalf. How dare he !

I’ve had this too and I’m always like WTF. Late at night so I just assume they are drunk and will be ashamed in the morning.
Amazes me that they think they can get someone their kids age !? I think it’s a weird stage they go through ..

I’d do this too. What a dirty old man & complete fucker putting you in this kind of position!