I’ve been put in an awful position by friends Dad!

[FancyDreamer]

My friends dad added me on Facebook not long ago, which isn’t unusual I have lots of my friends parents on there. I noticed he’d separated from her mum but never messaged or engaged with him at all.

I posted some pictures at a garden centre yesterday and he has liked them all then messaged me saying hi and calling me baby girl, I’m in my 40s he’s in his 60s so immediately my back came up with the term. I didn’t respond to the message.

Today he’s sent me atleast 10 messages; not once have I replied saying he thinks about me a lot he’s single now and we should meet up one day for a drink. I’m absolutely furious because now I’m in a position where he’s crossed a line. I will feel uncomfortable at my friends gatherings as we quite often do all get together family wise as my parents were close with her parents so on and so forth.

I still haven’t replied but intend on telling him it’s entirely inappropriate, but do I tell my friend this has happened? We’ve been friends over 30 years and never ever fallen out. I feel sick.

60 is elderly if you are 40 yes. “Age is just a number” is a creepy phase and parroted usually by pervy old men trying to justify hitting on their daughters friends 🤮🤮🤮

Take screen shots, send them to your friend and explain that you think her Dads fb account has been hacked because obviously the messages aren’t something he’d send.
Tell her you’re blocking the account whilst he sorts out his security and then don’t remove the block/re add him.

So if you're in your 40s and you've known your friend 30yrs. Then he has known you a v long time, this would ick me out on sooo many levels. A few yrs ago when i was in my 20s one of my mums best friends husbands used to openly come onto me, when my parents werent around. Made me feel sick and v uncomfortable. Be v direct and make it clear its a firm no, block him and address your friend about it. Xx

That makes no sense. Is the OP elderly as well then if age is not just a number?

Yes the baby girl instantly had my back up. I was a baby when he met me. It all just makes me feel sick.

Of course it's not your fault. Victim blaming and you should not be feeling any guilt.
If you don't feel comfortable calling him out or contacting your friend just block him.

as you have to see him again at the odd gathering and as she is your friend, i’d not want any hassle or uncomfortable situations. for me and for her. i don't care about him.

so i’d go with telling him he’s “been hacked as someone pretending to be you has asked me out. clearly it cannot be you as you are my good friends dad, and that would be very wrong, so i’d suggest you change your password asap and i will block you as i dont want some strange hacker near me”

block and dont mention it.

Hmm, maybe I'd give him one chance to stop it cold dead - only then do this. Mainly as this creates a bit of an issue all round with your friend (yes ok he's crossed the line already but he's an eejit).
Strong assertion of boundaries - block - only then go further if needed. That'd be my approach. Fucking men!!

NHS definition, not mine.

Did you read the OP? The question was whether to tell her friend, his daughter

I would tell her, so that she knows what you're dealing with. If you've git to socialise with him in the future she needs to understand why e.g. you may be avoiding him or curt towards him. Otherwise she may think you're just being rude.

And she may want to have a word with him herself, and warn her other female friends.

All men try it on. Married, single, old, young. None of them need the slightest bit of encouragement.

The NHS says 'age is not just a number'?

Yes she came to my primary school not long after moving here but towards the end of school, we then went to the same secondary and that is when we really became friends with sleepovers and family bbqs , our parents really got on well too so it was just an easy friendship that’s I’ve valued for a long time. I have spoke to my mum about it this evening as a voice of reason he and my dad fish together every weekend. She said I need to tell my friend and I think I am going to take the “I think your dads been hacked” route

What does your dad think of his friend coming onto his daughter?

Rodney, Your messages to me are inappropriate, not solicited and definitely unwelcome. You are my good friend's father and should know better than to message me in a way which could compromise our friendship, or yours with my parents. Do not contact me again.

But I'd screenshot the messages as proof and your reply, in case he turns nasty now that you have shunned him.

I haven’t spoken to my dad about it yet

I like the message on the first page to send him, then block him. He grossly overstepped.

I would tell your friend. She needs a heads-up that he's being inappropriate with you at least, and there might be more friends he's hitting on.

I’d take a screen shot of the messages and send them to your friend with ? See what she says!

I like that - I'd add asking the friend to bring it up with her dad "in case his account was hacked" - it gives her and the friend a way out i.e. to move forward by pretending it wasn't him(!) but means the friend has responsibility for dealing with it and cannot really blame or fall out with the OP over it.

Did you? Clearly not as someone else has already pointed this out and I gave my answer.

Just yuk.
Why do these fuckers think its ok to do this!

If have to tell her privately and with sensitivity and let her know your going to ignore him and unfriend but you don't want it to affect your friendship. What she does with that information is them up to her .

I'd screenshot the messages then block him.
What is it with these daft old men (I'm not being ageist, l'm in my sixties) that makes them think they're God's gift to younger women?

Yeah but it’s definitely creepy. I’m in my 60s and the thought of messaging someone who I’d known since their childhood even if they’re now in their 40s who’s shown zero interest in me is pretty disgusting.

The double standards that it’s okay when men do it to women has to stop. And okay someone might say that they and their Brian who’s 20 years older have a real connection and have been blissfully happy doesn’t change how I feel about it. It’s quite simple unless someone actively shows a romantic interest in you, not just friendliness then leave them alone. Especially if you are old enough to be their parent!