How to tell my late dad's partner she is not invited

[OnlyPocketChange]

Sorry to mention Christmas in September!

For Christmas, family come to us on alternating years, so one year my mum, brother, sister and their partners and kids come to us and the following year my dad and his partner come to us. I have done this for my dad only, I do not like his partner.

It would have been my dads turn this year but he died in June. Since he died, I have not visited his partner but she has called and text me a few times asking for favours and money as my dad left most of his estate to me and my siblings.

Yesterday I spoke to my aunt who is my dads sister and she has told me that my dads partner is still expecting to be invited for Christmas. I will not be having her here and need a nice but firm way, if that’s possible, of telling her that.

How would you word it?

You’re being very unkind.

Message her to say that you cannot face Christmas without your darling dad and you’re going away (if she won’t find out) or not celebrating but volunteering in his name instead.
If you feel kind suggest a date early January or mid December to meet for a mince pie and to exchange Christmas cards.
If you really don’t like her at all skip the last bit!

If he wished for stuff, could have left more of the estate to his partner.

Do you regularly invite and host people you do not like nor care for?

We don’t know if they were living together.

Just seen OP’s update and see they weren’t.

We know that they were not - OP has said so.

I didn’t when I read this but did update my post, perhaps you missed it.

It’s awful - if you want protection: get married or make a will!

I think this would be harsh, but just a simple "we will be spending Christmas with Mum from now on, wishing you well" would be fine.

If she was giving up want she wanted to do for Christmas by going to them, why is she so keen to go there this year?

How exactly is she trying? The messages involve her wanting favours and money. That is grabby, not trying to build a relationship.

wow. Hard faced cow

Poor woman. Her partner only just died and now his family want nothing to do with her.

why is it odd it went to the kids? Adults meeting in later life often have their own money and leave their inheritance to adult children instead of the new partner?

I know, what a sad situation.

Not odd. But the woman is renting, so no she doesn't have her own money if she is renting.

You sound harsh, no offence. Remember, one day that might be you.

This

Yes, good point

The woman has obviously upset several members of the family over a significant period of time.

She wasn't the OP's stepmother, either, but her dad's girlfriend.

Just be honest with her and say she is not invited. How long were they together.

It’s a bit cold of your dad to leave her nothing at all

Yes it is cold to leave her nothing at all, when they have obviously been together for years, and she is renting, so not well off.

Also people trying to make you feel bad. Just because a family member dated somebody does not mean you are required to have a relationship with that person independent of your family member.

This is the first reply I like. Its crystal clear but not explicitly saying about excluding her.

I think for some people being a partner is more than just dating. I know married people who don't live together. They don't have to have a relationship. It was the comment "might still be grieving" three months after the dad died that got me