Would you be comfortable if your daughter was assigned a male nursery worker?

[Nervousb2b]

Out of interest, how would you feel if your daughter was assigned a male member of staff in an early years setting to provide intimate care? Would you feel just as comfortable if a female member of staff was assigned?

Some may be okay with it, some may not - interested to see the general consensus.

Nope.

I agree most abuse is in the home. They have only ever been left alone with their dad. They are now adults.

My brother is a nursery worker and loves it. He’s very kind and caring, but also firm and sets boundaries, which the children take to well. He’s had brilliant feedback and peers and parents respect him. I think if people have a vocation like that, it should be encouraged. I work in a very male dominated industry and I know how tough it can be to be respected. I would definitely encourage your son to look into it, it’s great he has a vocational drive at that age.

What about your own father? You wouldn’t let him change your child’s nappy? Surely he changed yours at some point? Apologies if you didn’t have a father growing up.

Nope.

Its sad for the few lovely men who would be amazing role models and great nursery workers, but it's the males who carry out 98% of SA who spoiled it for them.

What is the % of abusers in the home who are male?

No chance. I would even take my child out of nursery if a male worker started there.

I’d prefer a female for your daughter .

I would not be happy with a man providing intimate care or having lone access to my sons or daughters.

Of course not all men, but enough men that I wouldn't take the risk.

If someone offered you a box of maltesers and said a couple of them are balls of shit, but they're not all balls of shit, you'd still decline the box.

It's a no from me.

Currently our 3 year old has a male room manager at nursery, but he was previously DS’s key worker. I have found it difficult. But mainly because of my own experiences as a child (not nursery or school but not family members, either). I did ask some questions about safeguarding and was satisfied with the answers. But it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with it, I’m just trying not to let my own experiences as a child impact my whole life.

I also think whether the child is a girl or a boy is totally irrelevant in these situations, with vulnerable very young children. And I feel really sad for the lovely, kind and genuine boys and men who feel they can’t work in childcare because of very few awful men.

I did 15 odd years ago. Nursery had good safeguarding principles for intimate care and I had no concerns.

My kids still talk about how Martin was one of their favourite nursery workers. He was really good with the children.

No, I wouldn’t and I would take my child out if necessary. And I’ve taught reception where I had an amazing male TA and also been in a double EYFS classroom where the other teacher was a man. But still no.

No. Sorry I wouldn’t. When a male started working at my daughters Creche a few years ago I was so so glad we were finishing with that Creche as my daughter was due to start school. 99% of the parents also felt very uncomfortable with him starting.

There was a male member of staff in DDs second nursery she went to when she was 4. He was great, the kids love him.
On paper I would say no, but having known him it changed my mind. She’s 18 and I see that he’s still there. The kids adored him. He was fun but strict.

.

I have a boy but no, I would not be happy.

This is a fair point. My father unfortunately passed away when I was younger and I guess if he were alive today I wouldn’t mind (as I know he hadn’t abused me so my daughter wouldn’t be a target if this make sense). But apart from my father I really wouldn’t want anybody other providing intimate care. However I do see where you are coming from.

Maybe it’s because we hear about (or don’t!) so many cases where it’s a male abuser who harms vulnerable children. I still think about Vincent Chan who did so many awful things to those innocent children, and can’t get over how he must have slowly built the trust with parents and co workers before he even started an form of child abuse. Rightly or wrongly i must just equate men with a higher risk of being child abusers!

No I wouldn’t. I also wouldn’t hire a male babysitter for her either.

No.

Unfortunately, yes I am.

My husband and I initially felt we might be old fashioned in our thoughts and feelings surrounding it. However, upon reading the majority of the comments I do feel its best we act on instinct where our daughters' situation is concerned.

I feel slightly guilty as I do believe the chap in post is most likely wonderful and will be amazing with the children, but it's a risk I just cannot take. She's 3 so nearly toilet trained but as another poster mentioned, accidents will still happen occasionally so can't rule out the possibility of intimate care being required.

The line that really persuaded me was...

"If someone offered you a box of maltesers and said a couple of them are balls of shit, but they're not all balls of shit, you'd still decline the box".

So thank you to whoever contributed that one.

Does everyone feel the same about male NICU/PICU or even general paeds nurses? What about male paediatricians?

ETA: I'm a paeds nurse and have often provided intimate care to non verbal or preverbal children without parents or carers present mostly in specialist centres and wards but also on general paeds wards.

I always thought no, but DD nursery has a male worker. He’s not her key worker so I don’t have any dealing with him but I’m sure he interacts with all the kids. I don’t have any concerns. I’m sure all the staff members and management who hired him are aware of the stigma, as I am sure he is too.

I’m afraid I completely agree with this

Why feel guilty, OP?
I reserve my sympathy for the children sexually assaulted by men.
It's men who have put good men in jeopardy. Not women.