Anyone had a baby at 45 or 46 after older children?

[LaterBabies]

Has anyone had a baby at 45/46 after already having dc?

How did you feel - was it the same or harder than previous pregnancies?

Im torn on what to do as we’ve always said we want one more and since 43 I’ve felt very perimenopausal and exhausted. If I felt better I think I’d definitely go ahead but I don’t want to feel worse! I already have 2 dc (7 and 10).

Does anyone have any positive stories ? I think I’m just getting myself anxious as I don’t know how i will cope with the nausea and there exhaustion, weight gain etc. But maybe I’m catastrophising?

We still have top quality frozen blastocysts left over from previous IVF so I need to really think about this as it was all fine in my head till we’ve actually got to the point of booking for a transfer and now I’m nervous !

Don’t be daft OP, even if you weren’t exhausted and perimenopausal it’s a bad idea at 43.

My mum had my brother at 45

You won't get pregnant at your age so it's academic.

Why? You’d be 56 with a 10 year old. At 56 I want to be thinking about retiring not going through high school. Up to you though.

I’m with you
I was 39 when I had my youngest and I was EXHAUSTED
there’s no way at 46 I’d contemplate anymore!
but each to their own

No older children, but I had twins at 47.
Pregnancy was a breeze, birth was a calm
scheduled c-section. No weight gain, since I lost my appetite during pregnancy.
Now they are 6, I’m exhausted (but mainly due to working more than full-time in a senior role). I spend all my energy on the kids - we go trampolining, ice-skating, hiking, etc.
You already have two kids, so you’ve to think of balancing their needs too.

My sister and my first cousin did!!

Having young children at that age is fine. I can't imagine having a teenager at 60 though.
Everyone talks about peri menopause, but you can get different issues with menopause. And unless you are very lucky you end up with at least one set of parents needing care and or dying. Very few adult kids in the UK provide physical care. But you do still end up having to help with admin, sorting out care, advocating for healthcare, etc etc.

You will be caring for a teenager and dealing with exams, and then possibly helping to fund university, while all your peers are retiring or are at least going part time. But unless you are very well off you will still need to work.

Most women get a bit of baby hunger at your age. I think it's the ovaries going last chance, give it a go. But it passes.

As I said I think having a baby at your age is fine. I think having a teenager at 60 would be tough.

No chance I’m so bloody tired can’t imagine it …45 soon to be 46

And the risk of multiple births and disabilities increase at your age. Chance of twins is 1 in 18 after 45. 1 in 30 having a child with downs syndrome. By 45, 1 in 2 pregnancies end in a miscarriage.

Please learn some basic biology.

women DO fall pregnant naturally at that age and have healthy children

but also read the OP she still has top quality blasts and given her youngest is 7 years old they are likely from when she was 35 ish ergo the quality question has been taken out of the equation.

thats why the recommend older mums 40+ to consider donor eggs because the success rates matches the bio age of the donor and OPs blasts are from when she was much younger

Had a surprise at 43 and already had an 8 and 12 year old when she was born. Very healthy and nice recovery, completed our family and she and her older sister are best friends despite the 12 year age gap. You have the healthy embryo, so no worries on that front. My caution is what is your support system like? Tragically my DH was diagnosed with glioblastoma a year ago and this has caused considerable stress in the home. Older kids are amazing but live away and have their own lives. Thankfully DH is stable and our teen is doing well, getting counseling and states she’s happy, but due to circumstances outside our control, the rest of her childhood can’t help but be different. No one can predict the future, but major health issues are more common as we age. Something to ponder as you decide

I had a “surprise “ baby at 45 . 21 year gap to my older children . Pregnancy was fine apart from having to have a CS due to rising blood pressure. The teenage years were challenging but DS has kept me young . He is very close to his older siblings and great friends with my grandchildren who aren’t much younger than him . Go for it if you are fit and well x

I did OP - I have a 10yo and a toddler. I had my second at 46. DC1 has complex SEN and DC2 is so far happy and healthy, very different baby to my first. The first 6 months were amazing - DC1 adores DC2 but it’s not been easy since. DC1 is pretty independent thankfully, but toddler DC2 is even harder work than I remember with my first - when both their needs hit me at once it can be difficult. And even with the 8 year age gap they are somehow still fighting over stuff. DC2 also still wakes through the night so I’m often tired. And I do feel it more - getting up off the floor after a nappy change etc. I do have my moments when I think I should have been content with one child, but I love them both so much and I really wanted my first to have a sibling. It doesn’t help that we have no family or support nearby. And grandparents are too old anyway and wouldn’t be able to chase either kid around.

If you really want to go for it I’d make sure you’re as fit as can be beforehand and do all the pregnancy and baby yoga available, and ideally make use of any family support around you.

I had my dcs over 25 years.
Dc in my teens, 20s, 30s and 40s.
I was absolutely fine.
No health issues, pregnancy and births totally uncomplicated.

Then I went into premature menopause. It was (and still is) horrendous. Menopause with toddlers and teens is a different level of hell.

I'm now in my 50s with a 12/18/21 still at home. I was so selfish. I really thought I could beat my age, was fit, healthy and active.

I was so wrong.

As someone who's parents were older (45 &60), I wouldn't recommend it. I lost them both at the ages of 19&24 and my health isn't great, which rightly or wrongly I blame on "old eggs & sperm" 😂

Just enjoy the children you have, the odds for having a Downs syndrome child also increase.

We have frozen embryos that are the highest quality so it’s a very real possibility which is why I need to think seriously!

Oh gosh, I’m so so sorry to hear about your hubby

She’s got frozen blasts so the increasing risk with age is parked

Is there a reason you have left it until now to try for a third child?

You may also have teenager, toddler and menopause all at the same time, a winning combination!

My Mother had my younger sister and was 45 the day after, her children were born over 20 years. She was in hospital for months before with various PG related illness. My little sister is evil personified though nothing to do with Mothers age. She was a perfectly healthy baby. I think it’s too old. Because you are starting all over again. Have you no desire to do anything but prolong small child stage?

I’m not really sure I think I was a bit undecided at points. I’ve not been able to face not keeping the embryos so deep down I do want to try but it’s just the perimenopausal symptoms and exhaustion I think ? I felt sure I wanted a third then as soon as peri hit at 43 it’s just made me feel like I’m maybe too tired !
I think I do still want a third but hormones are playing tricks on me!

If you’re on instagram vineta.life talks about this subject a lot (I think she had a baby at 45 & already had older kids.)

It comes down to health. Even little things. At 53, my migraines have worked, I have chronic insomnia and I have recurrent UTIs. Work fulltime and am pretty tired. I am so so glad my kids are young adults and I don’t have any dependent little ones. There are no guarantees and you might be lucky. But with two kids already, no way would I do what you are planning.

I had a surprise pregnancy at 43 and decided not to go ahead. A few years later, I very occasionally get broody (for about 3 mins every month 😂), but I’m glad I don’t have a 3 year old to contend with!!

Our DC (ages 8 & 10) are great company and easy nowadays. I wouldn’t want to roll the dice again, particularly with the increased risk of ND.