Anyone had a baby at 45 or 46 after older children?

[LaterBabies]

Has anyone had a baby at 45/46 after already having dc?

How did you feel - was it the same or harder than previous pregnancies?

Im torn on what to do as we’ve always said we want one more and since 43 I’ve felt very perimenopausal and exhausted. If I felt better I think I’d definitely go ahead but I don’t want to feel worse! I already have 2 dc (7 and 10).

Does anyone have any positive stories ? I think I’m just getting myself anxious as I don’t know how i will cope with the nausea and there exhaustion, weight gain etc. But maybe I’m catastrophising?

We still have top quality frozen blastocysts left over from previous IVF so I need to really think about this as it was all fine in my head till we’ve actually got to the point of booking for a transfer and now I’m nervous !

This might be a better solution

I did.
Planned and fell naturally at 43.

My youngest of the older ones was mid teens when i had DD4.

Preg went well. Birth was horrible but that was because they insisted on inducing me the moment i got to term. As it turned out i needn't have been induced as placenta was fine 🙄🤷‍♀️ but hey ho better to be safe.

DD4 is now 12 and i'm coping fine. Yea i'm tired more easily and probably not as bouncy and 'fun' as i was when i had my older ones (in my 20s'), but we're all different and we all parent differently. You wouldn't tell a disabled mum they were wrong to have have a baby just because they wont be able to run manic laps round a park with the child. There's more to parenting than that. Love, patience, time, having fun, embracing school friendships, empathy, teaching them about the world and getting stuck in with helping with home work ect.

In our case my youngest is spoiled rotten by her 3 big sisters and is so loved.

Honestly my biggest challenge has been navigating the whole tech situation with youngsters and social media and their phones and keeping them safe while not holding them back. Didn't have this problem when her sisters were born in the 90s !

Im 46 and have been thinking about this - academically as I’m in no way doing it and my husband had a vasectomy anyway but I think it’s just hormones and peri and feeling much, much older and slight regret we didn’t just go for a 3rd when we were younger. My friend had his son at 47 and he’s profoundly autistic and will need care for the rest of his life - so my friend is about to turn 60 and has a 12 year old who needs him immensely. It looks exhausting and is exhausting and there’s no end to it. I think going out to think about being 60 will help focus your mind a bit!

Yes but IVF outcomes remain consistent with donor eggs until 48, then birth rate does decline. OP having frozen blasts debunks the claim I was responding to that ‘she won’t get pregnant at that age’ which is incorrect because a) women do naturally and b) she has blasts

the relative health of the embryo is basically frozen in time from when she was in her mid 30s and as we know the vast majority of early losses are related to the health of the embryo and this embryo is from a woman in her mid 30s (presumably)

Urgh, no way! I couldn’t imagine it would be fun, for me or the child.

It sounds like a bad idea to me, I think I would want to concentrate on the children I already had, 7 & 10 are lovely ages do you really want to add a baby in to the mix, who will be a toddler when your eldest is a teen?
But then on the other hand women do get pregnant and have babies mid-late 40s so I guess they just get on with it.
Getting pregnant by accident and deciding to go ahead is different to deliberately making it happen too!

Apollonia1, could I ask if that was a natural conception,?.I had my last DC at 41, planned,second DH,had no dc. I had a miscarriage at 40, then pregnant again. I was incredibly fit and healthy.I was told at 40 there was a 1/20 chance of Downs. It was my easiest pregnancy and birth. People asked if it was my first....my oldest was 20. I feel it now,75, at family gatherings,sil grandparents are my age, parents oldest DD age.

My friend did ivf for years to have her first child then got accidentally pregnant after one shag with her partner age 45- it can definitely happen!

As the child of older parents, 40 and 48, I wouldn’t recommend it. If you go ahead make sure you have generous life insurance as at least when they died in my early 20’s they left me financially okay…doesn’t make up for the years I missed with them though. They were both exceptionally fit and healthy, teetotal non smokers until cancer struck.

My friend has 6 and 10 year old big sisters who were amazing help when her baby was born, now three years on the 13 year old is almost pld
enough to actually babysit! She brings the middle girl on days out with us as she genuinely likes pushing three year old boys on swings and roundabouts and running around with them. She is so much less tired than me with only one three year old as her big girls help so much because they really want to

My thoughts go to being around for any grandchildren. I was 33 with first. If my eldest did the same, i would be 66 when they become a parent. So i might not be here for gc into teens and twenties which I do feel a bit sad about.

(Appreciate my kids may not have children. Also appreciate i never had grandparents growing up. Im also NC with my parents - i know how hard motherless mothering can be -.i would like my own children not to have to do it alone. I would like to support them and be available)

Sorry but it’s so unfair on the child to have another at that age. It’s too old.

My grandparents were 44 and 48 having their youngest. She is very close in age to me - eldest grandchild.

She says she feels cheated that they were both dead before she was 30 - I know you can die at any point but the odds do increase as you age!. Also that compared to her older sibling she had a very limited childhood. The older ones have lots of memories of doing things she simply did not.

If you did not already have children I would say yes I'd do it. In your situation no I wouldn't

I agree with this. Enjoy your 2 children.

Please consider this very carefully. It's also about the impact on the child in question. Mine were 44 and 48 when they had me, and were well into their 60's when I was a teenager. It was fine for them but has been terrible for me.

They were both very healthy when I was born and for a few years after. But from uni onwards, I watched my friends travel, hang out, do activities with their younger parents. While I helped with medical appointments, listened to ailments and complaints, etc. Honestly I don't really have many happy adult memories with them, especially my dad.

Frankly, I feel a bit resentful about it all. It's all well and good to say that anything can happen to anyone - and it's true - but aging is inevitable and the children are likely to carry the burden of it. I moved halfway across the world but still do lots of admin etc which I wasn't expecting in my early 30s.

I had my youngest at 43, naturally. I’m
approaching 50 now and so far so good. I’m tired, but I have early years boys and a teen - that’s tiring for anyone, I’d think. Peri has been fine - GP
said I was the first breastfeeding mother he put on HRT but it helps immensely. Pregnancy was hard with GD and a traumatic birth but neither were especially age related.

However. I didn’t go back to work after DS1 at 41. We are comfortable, DH wfh so I have always had someone else around. Life is getting harder now with elderly parents who need me, and there is no denying I will be 60 when youngest leaves school.

In your shoes, I don’t think I’d put myself through the process, the risks of loss etc, increased risk to your own health and so on, deliberately. 41 was a different kettle of fish, 43 was a surprise - actively making it happen seems risky to me.

My friends parents had her at 45 and are still around and hands on grandparents in late 80s. (She also had kids later!) Mine had me young, and both are in 60s with health problems. Doesn't guarantee younger grandparents will be healthier.

I had my child at 21 and that was exhausting enough! My sister had hers at 37 and 39, and she is constantly exhausted. I have to be honest, I look at her and thank goodness that I started early. Not that it was planned.

I do sometimes regret not having had any more children, but I also have chronic anaemia and the thought of another child is absolutely exhausting.

If you think you can conceive in your mid 40s and won't be tired dealing with a teenager in your 60s, then absolutely give it a try.

I’d you hadn’t had any children that would be one thing, but as you have 2 it would be crazy! Enjoy what you have - especially as you’re already feeling tired. A baby really saps your ability to look after yourself at at this age that is even more important. It’s very common to get broody as our fertility ends but you do not need to give in to those feelings!

We had DC3 late. We didn't plan DC3 though.

We have never been mistanken for DC3 grandparents.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having babies while you still can and of course many women will thrive on it, BUT, if you are already feeling knackered at 43, you could go like me and be so insanely exhausted it will really impact all areas of your life by 48. I am having to change everything to fit ‘me’ now (have had all the tests, take all the hrt and supplements) whereas previously I was a massive Duracell bunny and overachiever. Friends are bouncing through hyrox and marathons, I am barely making a walk and a mini Pilates video, house is a mess, feel I’m not doing anything exciting with the kids. I too wanted a third, DH didn’t, am now so glad as I would be so worried about failing them.

In my opinion its a bad idea and you're to old. You already have kids make the most of them. Having kids as an older parent is selfish.

@TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne tell that to my cousin (45) and friend (46) and Mrs Blair (47).

I don’t have experience age wise but I did similar to you a decade earlier. Had a 3rd at 35 and my children were 8 & 11, my god this third ones has nearly killed me, I’m totally exhausted and it’s so hard to manage those age gaps. I’ve got 1 starting primary, 1 starting secondary and 1 starting GCSE’s. Looking back I’d have either closed that gap and done it much much sooner. Or not at all.

Op take note that most posters who are being negative haven't actually experienced being an older mother themselves. There's a lot of prejudice and assumptions.

I had dd2 at 43. No regrets. Yes I'm more tired than I was when I had only one. But that's to be expected with an additional child.

But that being said, be wary about whether this is peri hormones influencing you. I'm 48 and sooooooo broody. To the point of tears sometimes. There's zero.chance of risking it,. and we couldn't afford a third child. But with frozen blastocysts I understand why you're thinking about it. Consider the impact on your body though.