Anyone had a baby at 45 or 46 after older children?

[LaterBabies]

Has anyone had a baby at 45/46 after already having dc?

How did you feel - was it the same or harder than previous pregnancies?

Im torn on what to do as we’ve always said we want one more and since 43 I’ve felt very perimenopausal and exhausted. If I felt better I think I’d definitely go ahead but I don’t want to feel worse! I already have 2 dc (7 and 10).

Does anyone have any positive stories ? I think I’m just getting myself anxious as I don’t know how i will cope with the nausea and there exhaustion, weight gain etc. But maybe I’m catastrophising?

We still have top quality frozen blastocysts left over from previous IVF so I need to really think about this as it was all fine in my head till we’ve actually got to the point of booking for a transfer and now I’m nervous !

I'm currently on mat leave aged 46. Unplanned surprise at 45! My first baby (planned) is now 14 so quite an age gap. I was under consultant led care because of my age this time and ended up having a planned c-section but this pregnancy and recovery were a breeze. I've also found the post natal period much more chilled this time round, I'm much more confident in my parenting and was also much better at advocating for myself and baby. I have a much healthier lifestyle in my 40s than I did pre first child which has massively helped with energy levels etc. The one downside I would say is trying to effectively parent 2 children with such vastly different needs...but then I guess bigger families of 4 or 5 kids would do this anyway

I don’t think that’s the right thing from the child’s perspective. Losing a parent or having a seriously sick parent while you’re relatively young has profound effects on them. It is a lot of pain to deal with. Why give that risk to a child deliberately.

Three DC is much harder than two, especially with a big age gap. I know a few women who had babies aged 45ish, and they all found being in their 50s with tweens a nightmare.
I wouldn't do it.

I am a long time lurker for many years but I felt compelled to post on this subject.

As a child of older parents, (mum almost 48 and dad 53, unplanned) I would ask you to consider the effects on the life of your child. My adult life was shaped by my parents needs, caring. I grew up riddled with anxiety and worry as I watched them deteriorate. I thought about their death all the time. I was only 30 when my dad was 77, mum 71. I am 47 now and lost mum at 45. Mum lived until 92 and dad 91.

In my opinion this is quite selfish to actively choose to fall pregnant so late. I never even considered having my own children (even though I’ve been with my partner over 25 years) as I didn’t want more to worry about and care for everyone. I never felt able to move out either
as they needed more and more care.

Good luck for whatever you decide. Just because you can doesn’t always mean you should.

I loved both my parents dearly, and wouldn’t have changed them for the whole. I also respect my mums choice in continuing with her pregnancy. I still went through what I did and thought it might be worth sharing xx

I had my youngest the year I turned 40. And I found that pregnancy very tiring. I’ve had 4 labours and the thought of another one isn’t something I could do personally but then I’ve got 4 children so I think that’s enough!

Fuck no! Having a 10 year old now would finish me off. It’s your hormones wanting you to have a last hurrah!
My mum had me at 42 so I have experience of having older parents, not great. I know a couple of older parents too and they’re not particularly ‘with it’ culturally wrt their kids.

My parents were both dead by the time I was 30.

I’ve had 3 physical health issues diagnosed post-40 too. Life is very different now for me. The older you get, the more health issues you can accumulate.

Listen to your body, it is tired.

No, no, no, a million times NO! Don't have a baby in your mid-late 40s! Sooooo many reasons not to. Many listed already on this thread......

I know about a quarter of the posters on MN had all their children past the age of 43, and everyone in their 'social circle' didn't even start til the age of 40, (and their great gran and great auntie Annie had 2 children in her 50s, 🙄) but in real life, 99.999% of people would never consider trying for another baby in their mid 40s!!!

.

My friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17. All well.

We have DS who was born when I was 44 and DD when I was 47. They are adopted and related biologically to each other, hence deciding to adopt a second time quite soon and also at an older age.
I am currently late 50s and they are early/mid secondary school age. DH has already retired which is great as they are at the "I have Scout camp this weekend and flute practice 10 miles away when I get back" stage.
I am thinking about retiring - not immediate but likely before they both finish school. This is mainly so DH and I can spend more time together!
I did not really feel old when they were in nursery or primary school at all - I'm quite active and young in outlook TBH.
I had a major injury 3 years ago and have slowed down in some areas though others I'm more or less back to where I was. It wasn't age related though - one of those things that can happen at any age. Obviously I relied on DH a lot and we spent a few weeks with just me and DD (complex reasons) which I think brought me and her closer together.
I know so many people with teenagers who are also looking after elderly parents even if they are younger than me - my mum had me very young even for the 60s so I didn't have that issue until just this year when my mum was hospitalised, diagnosed and died within 6 weeks. So you don't really know what will happen with your elderly relatives. Some people lose their parents even before having children. It's a huge lottery.

Do you take creatine??

I’m 44 and no way would I consider more. What if the labour isn’t plain sailing? You wouldn’t recover as quickly from a traumatic birth - I struggled enough in my twenties! The sleepless nights would hit harder most likely. And that’s before school starts. Everyone is different, OP but pretty sure it would kill me.

Whenever there is a thread on here about which of all the ages of your children was your hardest, about 70% of people will respond teenagers. (And many of the other 30% often only have under 10s so aren’t actually qualified to respond!

so your thought process shouldn’t be about how hard you think having a baby at 45 will be, but how hard do you think having a 15 yr d at 60 will be. I can tell you - likely an utter nightmare.

I absolutely cannot imagine having a 9 year old at 55! At that age you’re deep in menopause and hopefully looking forward to retirement, having finally time to travel and enjoy time for hobbies, as well as supporting your two older children who may need financial help to get on the housing ladder.

I did, but the stars aligned. I was able to give up work thanks to dh’s big promotion, which benefitted older dc during teenage and exam years too. Plus my mum had been widowed just before so spent lots and lots of time with us. It was extremely helpful to have someone else in the house for company, and so I didn’t have to drag baby out on the school run, or when I needed a pint of milk. So it was tiring, but could have been so much more so.

I’ve only just lost the baby weight though, and she’s a uni student now

That’s a good point. When thinking about it from the child’s standpoint it can indeed be more difficult to have old parents.

The pregnancy and birth were far easier than with older dc, too

I hope you're not advising anyone to stop using contraception at that age, because you are definitely wrong!

Don't be daft. Youre too old now.

Silly comment. How do you know she won't? It's entirely possible. My mum got pregnant naturally at 44.

I agree with previous posters, it’s not just about having a baby, I’m sure lots of women in their 40s feel fit enough for that. Your children are at that lovely age and haven’t hit the teenage years yet. I’m 56 with an 18 and 21 year old, I’m menopausal and I can’t tell you how much more tired I am than I was even 5 years ago. The teenage years can be really challenging and I can’t imagine going through that in my 60s to be honest!

Sister had neice at 44 natural conception 18 years ago. She said she felt more tired than earlier pregnancies but more calm about everything. Sister and neice are both healthy and happy.

I had my two girls at 39 and 42 natural conceptions , sister-in-law had hers at 45 and 49 , my grandmother had my dad shy of 51, I’m fit and healthy it didn’t tire me out anymore than a younger Mum. Some people can handle it some can’t we are all different Go for it you have healthy embryos!! ❤️

I'm 48 and my youngest is 14 and already am feeling that I have less energy and patience for the teen school years, exams etc. I can't imagine it would be any easier if it were the toddler years now and teen stuff in another 10 years.
You might have a very different take on things to me though and some families absolutely make it work having different 'sets' of children that sometimes grow up in quite different families to their older siblings.
If you questioning it and didn't take active steps when your youngest was 3/4 I'd be wondering whether you do actually want the 3rd child or just don't want to deal with destroying the embryo. How would you and your DH feel about donating if that was an option? (Again not something I would choose).

My DCs are adults. Born when I was a pretty standard 29-31 years old.

I found the toddler years far more difficult than the teen years, and I struggled, they were harder than I’d expected. But I was still very fit at 45-50 so I think I’d have coped with a toddler had I got pregnant at 44-47 just as I’d coped more than a decade earlier. As I say, the teen years were good and actually a bit easier than I’d anticipated.

So I’m not as horrified by your question as others on here OP. But that’s me.