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Anyone had a baby at 45 or 46 after older children?

161 replies

LaterBabies · 31/08/2026 21:00

Has anyone had a baby at 45/46 after already having dc?

How did you feel - was it the same or harder than previous pregnancies?

Im torn on what to do as we’ve always said we want one more and since 43 I’ve felt very perimenopausal and exhausted. If I felt better I think I’d definitely go ahead but I don’t want to feel worse! I already have 2 dc (7 and 10).

Does anyone have any positive stories ? I think I’m just getting myself anxious as I don’t know how i will cope with the nausea and there exhaustion, weight gain etc. But maybe I’m catastrophising?

We still have top quality frozen blastocysts left over from previous IVF so I need to really think about this as it was all fine in my head till we’ve actually got to the point of booking for a transfer and now I’m nervous !

OP posts:
Westfacing · 01/09/2026 15:27

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 01/09/2026 09:35

My friend did ivf for years to have her first child then got accidentally pregnant after one shag with her partner age 45- it can definitely happen!

Wow!

I hope it all worked out with her and the new partner!

Helenbelena · 01/09/2026 15:32

It’s not about whether you’re biologically fit enough to have a baby & toddler aged 45-50 (which is hard when you’re menopausal!). It’s about having teenagers when most people start retiring. It’s about needing elderly care when your children are only in their 20s.

I think you know the answer - you’re far too old. Focus your resources on your two existing children!

Anonymousemouses · 01/09/2026 15:35

TBH 7 and 10 is NOT a huge gap.

I was nearly 42 when I had my youngest, but she died. Her sister is 16 month older - I was 40 when she was born.

I didn't actually have any problems at all with my health, until I hit my 50s, but by then she was older.

Not sure how I would cope now with a 10yr old, especially getting them to school, when walking is difficult, but I may have managed.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

drspouse · 01/09/2026 16:46

Helenbelena · 01/09/2026 13:55

I absolutely cannot imagine having a 9 year old at 55! At that age you’re deep in menopause and hopefully looking forward to retirement, having finally time to travel and enjoy time for hobbies, as well as supporting your two older children who may need financial help to get on the housing ladder.

I don't feel like that at all. Both DH and I travelled loads pre DC and we still do so with them. We are too old and they too young for the really adventurous stuff (we saw some paragliding on holiday and we were all... Nah, looks amazing but no thanks, except DD who was... When I'm older!
I have things I still want to do at work though not decades worth. I think retiring as they finish school will be peak flexibility for travelling.

OneLilacHedgehog · 01/09/2026 17:00

@drspouse Most people by late fifties have either had their parents die, or are involved in some care giving for at least one set of parents. Lots of people have also had friends die, have cancer, etc. I have been shocked at the number of people I know in late fifties who have or had cancer.

Most people still want to do exciting things. But most people have had enough of corporate speak at work and workplace politics. Not that many people are still excited by work by late fifties.

And menopause itself can bring issues like incontinence due to vaginal atrophy, nothing to do with pelvic floor muscles. Hrt can help, but doesn't always solve the issue.

I am older and still working full time. So I am not sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV. But I do feel older and get more tired than I used to.

I would have been fine with a baby at 45. But the idea of having a young teenager now horrifies me. If I had a teenager I would do what needed to be done. But I'm not sure I would be a great mum at my age.

Helenbelena · 01/09/2026 17:25

drspouse · 01/09/2026 13:40

We have DS who was born when I was 44 and DD when I was 47. They are adopted and related biologically to each other, hence deciding to adopt a second time quite soon and also at an older age.
I am currently late 50s and they are early/mid secondary school age. DH has already retired which is great as they are at the "I have Scout camp this weekend and flute practice 10 miles away when I get back" stage.
I am thinking about retiring - not immediate but likely before they both finish school. This is mainly so DH and I can spend more time together!
I did not really feel old when they were in nursery or primary school at all - I'm quite active and young in outlook TBH.
I had a major injury 3 years ago and have slowed down in some areas though others I'm more or less back to where I was. It wasn't age related though - one of those things that can happen at any age. Obviously I relied on DH a lot and we spent a few weeks with just me and DD (complex reasons) which I think brought me and her closer together.
I know so many people with teenagers who are also looking after elderly parents even if they are younger than me - my mum had me very young even for the 60s so I didn't have that issue until just this year when my mum was hospitalised, diagnosed and died within 6 weeks. So you don't really know what will happen with your elderly relatives. Some people lose their parents even before having children. It's a huge lottery.

But the chances of losing your parents when you’re still quite young (20-30s) is much higher if your parents had you aged 45-50.

SuitcaseAndSecrets · 01/09/2026 17:29

I became a Gran age 46.. no way would l.think of having a baby at that age.

EverytimeItPours · 01/09/2026 18:00

Helenbelena · 01/09/2026 17:25

But the chances of losing your parents when you’re still quite young (20-30s) is much higher if your parents had you aged 45-50.

Yes this. People always say “but my mum died when she was 30, you never know” or “my parents had me at 45 and are still active at 90” But we all know that statistically the older you are when you have your children, the less of their lives you are likely to see.

drspouse · 01/09/2026 18:07

Helenbelena · 01/09/2026 17:25

But the chances of losing your parents when you’re still quite young (20-30s) is much higher if your parents had you aged 45-50.

Well, my genes are good - 3 grandparents and two parents alive into their 80s, out of those two into their 90s and one currently late 80s. So I'm taking a gamble but not that much of one.

Franxi · 02/09/2026 20:35

Rituelec · 01/09/2026 10:22

My friends parents had her at 45 and are still around and hands on grandparents in late 80s. (She also had kids later!) Mine had me young, and both are in 60s with health problems. Doesn't guarantee younger grandparents will be healthier.

Unfortunately in my close group of friends, three have had both parents die, and four have had one parent die. All had their children late 20s. You really can’t live your life thinking ‘what if’.

OneLilacHedgehog · 02/09/2026 21:22

But what age are your friends? I am in my fifties and lots of friends have had parents die in their seventies who had them in their twenties. Everyone does die eventually.

Ved · 02/09/2026 21:27

Helenbelena · 01/09/2026 13:55

I absolutely cannot imagine having a 9 year old at 55! At that age you’re deep in menopause and hopefully looking forward to retirement, having finally time to travel and enjoy time for hobbies, as well as supporting your two older children who may need financial help to get on the housing ladder.

Exactly this. You do tend to get the 'I'm 54 with an 8 year old and I am super fit and never tired and am coping fine' type posts on threads like this, but to be honest, they are coping because they have to, as they have no choice. And even if they are struggling and regretting having a baby at 44/infant age child at 50/teenager at 60, most people won't admit it.

As has been said, many people feel fit and healthy and still feel 'young' in their early to mid 40s, but it's not long after this that most people will start to go downhill health wise, and feel their energy zapped out of them.

By 50 many people will start to have health issues, and as has been said, will be winding down and wanting to relax by 55, not be running around after young children. Measurable physical and cellular health declines often become more noticeable around age 50,

Bone density and muscle mass start dropping faster, which increases the risk of weakness or fractures if not actively managed.

Physical tests show that balance and core stability often begin a noticeable downward trend right around age 50.

Hearing and near-vision changes frequently become more pronounced during this decade.

Menopause typically occurs around age 51, bringing shifts in oestrogen, sleep patterns, and bone health.

Research points to the 40s and 50s as a period of distinct molecular shifts affecting lipids, skin, and cardiovascular function

And as a pp said, ( @OneLilacHedgehog ) the 50s is the decade where many people have died of cancer. I have personally known many people die in their 50s of cancer over the past 5 to 10 years. (And most people I know have known people die of cancer in their 50s, and a few in their 40s...) And as that same poster said, the vast majority of people are not excited to still be working at 58. Most people would give their left arm to be retired by then! Very few people want to HAVE to work full time in their late 50s (and 60s) so they can afford their children.

Also, as was pointed out by a poster further back, @timberwolf79 (whose parents were middle aged when they had her/her father was in his 50s,) it's very unfair on the children too, to have pensioner aged parents when they're still in their teens, and to have to be caring for elderly parents who are ailing and frail, by the time they're in their early to mid 20s.

I am in my mid-late 50s, and my DC are in their mid-late 20s. (I had them around 31-32.) I cannot imagine being 15 years older, (in my early 70s,) and having children only in their late 20s. Many people start to need care by their early-mid 70s, and I can't imagine for one minute, expecting my young 20-something DC who have their own life, home, careers, friends, social life, and hobbies and interests, to be waiting on me, looking after me, running me around, and doing shopping and housework for me.

Yes, I know some people in their early-mid 70s are fine, and can look after themselves, but statistically, many people will need help and care by their early-mid 70s. Around 1 in 5 people in their mid 70s require regular assistance with daily living.

.

nowimabeliever · 02/09/2026 21:31

Just wondering – why didn’t you do it sooner? Would be much easier in late 30s than in your 40s. I’m a similar age to you and had kids in my 30s. I get the broodiness (I love babies), but a baby now would just finish me off. I think I would probably end up divorced.

bocketyaulbag · 02/09/2026 22:19

I adopted at 44, he's nearly 18 now. It's been fabulous and I've enjoyed it all, and am still full of energy. But this was after years of trying, failed IVF etc.

bocketyaulbag · 02/09/2026 22:22

amber763 · 01/09/2026 14:08

Don't be daft. Youre too old now.

I know someone who got pregnant at 50 from a one night stand

OneLilacHedgehog · 02/09/2026 22:32

There are about 250 births a year of women aged 50 in England and wales. So sure it happens, but it is very rare. And most are through fertility treatment

Ved · 03/09/2026 08:55

bocketyaulbag · 02/09/2026 22:22

I know someone who got pregnant at 50 from a one night stand

Did she go full term and give birth to a healthy baby though?

Ved · 03/09/2026 08:57

OneLilacHedgehog · 02/09/2026 22:32

There are about 250 births a year of women aged 50 in England and wales. So sure it happens, but it is very rare. And most are through fertility treatment

Edited

Exactly. They are nearly 100% through IVF. The percentage of women falling pregnant over the age of 50, and going on to have a healthy baby is so small that the figure barely registers. It's infinitesimal.

mkio · 03/09/2026 09:10

depends on your physical health and mindset.
Im 54, nowhere near ready for retirement and feel very young for my age. I have a 14 year old, easiest pregnancy and birth of all my children. I have friends who are grandparents and I feel way way too young to be a gran, so later motherhood suited me. That said, your age is around where my cutoff would be. 45 onwards is risky.

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 03/09/2026 09:23

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 31/08/2026 23:58

You won't get pregnant at your age so it's academic.

I did. I was pregnant at 40 then again at 45 so it’s totally possible. I’ve just taken my now ten year old to his last year in junior school and my 14 year old will be going to school to start his gcse year. I also have a 25 year old who lives away and works full time. I feel as fit as I ever did and thanks to an incredibly supportive husband we sail along. I’m going through menopause so no periods had been fabulous. My 25 year old often remarks that I’m not like the other mums he knows and he means this in a positive way. I think it’s because I have younger children and they have kept me busy and active and I’m still aware of latest trends and fashions. I bloody love being an older mum and I marvel at my incredible body making perfect babies and doing it so easily. Pregnancy and births were a breeze. No horror stories at all from me. Go me!!

ithinkilikethislittlelife · 03/09/2026 09:24

Ved · 02/09/2026 21:27

Exactly this. You do tend to get the 'I'm 54 with an 8 year old and I am super fit and never tired and am coping fine' type posts on threads like this, but to be honest, they are coping because they have to, as they have no choice. And even if they are struggling and regretting having a baby at 44/infant age child at 50/teenager at 60, most people won't admit it.

As has been said, many people feel fit and healthy and still feel 'young' in their early to mid 40s, but it's not long after this that most people will start to go downhill health wise, and feel their energy zapped out of them.

By 50 many people will start to have health issues, and as has been said, will be winding down and wanting to relax by 55, not be running around after young children. Measurable physical and cellular health declines often become more noticeable around age 50,

Bone density and muscle mass start dropping faster, which increases the risk of weakness or fractures if not actively managed.

Physical tests show that balance and core stability often begin a noticeable downward trend right around age 50.

Hearing and near-vision changes frequently become more pronounced during this decade.

Menopause typically occurs around age 51, bringing shifts in oestrogen, sleep patterns, and bone health.

Research points to the 40s and 50s as a period of distinct molecular shifts affecting lipids, skin, and cardiovascular function

And as a pp said, ( @OneLilacHedgehog ) the 50s is the decade where many people have died of cancer. I have personally known many people die in their 50s of cancer over the past 5 to 10 years. (And most people I know have known people die of cancer in their 50s, and a few in their 40s...) And as that same poster said, the vast majority of people are not excited to still be working at 58. Most people would give their left arm to be retired by then! Very few people want to HAVE to work full time in their late 50s (and 60s) so they can afford their children.

Also, as was pointed out by a poster further back, @timberwolf79 (whose parents were middle aged when they had her/her father was in his 50s,) it's very unfair on the children too, to have pensioner aged parents when they're still in their teens, and to have to be caring for elderly parents who are ailing and frail, by the time they're in their early to mid 20s.

I am in my mid-late 50s, and my DC are in their mid-late 20s. (I had them around 31-32.) I cannot imagine being 15 years older, (in my early 70s,) and having children only in their late 20s. Many people start to need care by their early-mid 70s, and I can't imagine for one minute, expecting my young 20-something DC who have their own life, home, careers, friends, social life, and hobbies and interests, to be waiting on me, looking after me, running me around, and doing shopping and housework for me.

Yes, I know some people in their early-mid 70s are fine, and can look after themselves, but statistically, many people will need help and care by their early-mid 70s. Around 1 in 5 people in their mid 70s require regular assistance with daily living.

.

Edited

Christ. You sound fun 😵‍💫

SodaPopBop · 03/09/2026 10:35

EverytimeItPours · 01/09/2026 18:00

Yes this. People always say “but my mum died when she was 30, you never know” or “my parents had me at 45 and are still active at 90” But we all know that statistically the older you are when you have your children, the less of their lives you are likely to see.

And if a person does have bad luck and die at say 55, there’s a vast difference between leaving behind children of 25-35 vs a 9 year old.

bocketyaulbag · 03/09/2026 10:42

Ved · 03/09/2026 08:55

Did she go full term and give birth to a healthy baby though?

Yes. She did indeed

drspouse · 03/09/2026 10:58

Ved · 02/09/2026 21:27

Exactly this. You do tend to get the 'I'm 54 with an 8 year old and I am super fit and never tired and am coping fine' type posts on threads like this, but to be honest, they are coping because they have to, as they have no choice. And even if they are struggling and regretting having a baby at 44/infant age child at 50/teenager at 60, most people won't admit it.

As has been said, many people feel fit and healthy and still feel 'young' in their early to mid 40s, but it's not long after this that most people will start to go downhill health wise, and feel their energy zapped out of them.

By 50 many people will start to have health issues, and as has been said, will be winding down and wanting to relax by 55, not be running around after young children. Measurable physical and cellular health declines often become more noticeable around age 50,

Bone density and muscle mass start dropping faster, which increases the risk of weakness or fractures if not actively managed.

Physical tests show that balance and core stability often begin a noticeable downward trend right around age 50.

Hearing and near-vision changes frequently become more pronounced during this decade.

Menopause typically occurs around age 51, bringing shifts in oestrogen, sleep patterns, and bone health.

Research points to the 40s and 50s as a period of distinct molecular shifts affecting lipids, skin, and cardiovascular function

And as a pp said, ( @OneLilacHedgehog ) the 50s is the decade where many people have died of cancer. I have personally known many people die in their 50s of cancer over the past 5 to 10 years. (And most people I know have known people die of cancer in their 50s, and a few in their 40s...) And as that same poster said, the vast majority of people are not excited to still be working at 58. Most people would give their left arm to be retired by then! Very few people want to HAVE to work full time in their late 50s (and 60s) so they can afford their children.

Also, as was pointed out by a poster further back, @timberwolf79 (whose parents were middle aged when they had her/her father was in his 50s,) it's very unfair on the children too, to have pensioner aged parents when they're still in their teens, and to have to be caring for elderly parents who are ailing and frail, by the time they're in their early to mid 20s.

I am in my mid-late 50s, and my DC are in their mid-late 20s. (I had them around 31-32.) I cannot imagine being 15 years older, (in my early 70s,) and having children only in their late 20s. Many people start to need care by their early-mid 70s, and I can't imagine for one minute, expecting my young 20-something DC who have their own life, home, careers, friends, social life, and hobbies and interests, to be waiting on me, looking after me, running me around, and doing shopping and housework for me.

Yes, I know some people in their early-mid 70s are fine, and can look after themselves, but statistically, many people will need help and care by their early-mid 70s. Around 1 in 5 people in their mid 70s require regular assistance with daily living.

.

Edited

I'm not coping because I have to - I'm "coping" because I enjoy doing things with my DCs.
And as for the "why didn't you do it earlier" brigade, well, because I thought my future children would be better off with two parents and then had several miscarriages. Is that enough of an excuse?

caringcarer · 03/09/2026 11:18

If you think you might be peri now you'll be exhausted after menopause. Even if you had the energy to go through the sleepless nights with a baby and toddler you'd be knackered before they got to teens. Enjoy the DC you have and save any energy for future DGC.

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