Anyone had a baby at 45 or 46 after older children?

[LaterBabies]

Has anyone had a baby at 45/46 after already having dc?

How did you feel - was it the same or harder than previous pregnancies?

Im torn on what to do as we’ve always said we want one more and since 43 I’ve felt very perimenopausal and exhausted. If I felt better I think I’d definitely go ahead but I don’t want to feel worse! I already have 2 dc (7 and 10).

Does anyone have any positive stories ? I think I’m just getting myself anxious as I don’t know how i will cope with the nausea and there exhaustion, weight gain etc. But maybe I’m catastrophising?

We still have top quality frozen blastocysts left over from previous IVF so I need to really think about this as it was all fine in my head till we’ve actually got to the point of booking for a transfer and now I’m nervous !

Having seen a family member trying raise a young child whilst perimenopausal then during menopause, I can safely say this wouldn’t be something I’d do or suggest was a good idea to anyone else. The level of exhaustion was just unreal for my family member, to the extent I’d say the child’s childhood was/is very limited and small.

It’s obviously your choice but I’d think long and hard about what you want your life to look like for the next decade, and what sort of childhood you’d want you for this child.

I got pregnant at 45. Unfortunately I lost that pregnancy but now, at 65, the thought of having to have spent my 60s dealing with teen angst, exams, Uni applications, being a mum taxi again I wonder if it was for the best.

My other children are all grown up and independent and I am loving socialising with them as adult to adult. They would have had less of my time as they went into the teen angst, exams, uni etc if I'd had a baby to deal with and I realise now how much that would have impacted them.

Why blow up your family with an exhausted, menopausal mum AND a new baby all at once? Even though you'll struggle through, it won't be optimal, will it? Not for the baby, not for your existing older children, and not for you either really.

Personally, I think once you've got kids then their needs and best interests need to factor into the decision too. They might love a younger sibling, but with the best will in the world your younger children are going to suffer by having an even-more exhausted pregnant mother for 9 months and then an exhausted mother and new baby/toddler/child in the house. Not to mention the health risks of pregnancy and prematurity by having a baby at your age. I wouldn't do it unless I was absolutely certain - frankly, you don't seem to be.

Why have you said you want one more? What are the reasons for that? Is it that you have two of one sex and want the other or something else

If you feel exhausted now, it’s not going to improve with a baby in the mix.

Im broody but I think its nature making us realise we are done with that etc. My eldest would be 34 when the youngest was 10 😁

Don’t do it. Get a puppy instead.

I had DC2 at 45 (DC1 was 5). It was fine and no harder than my previous pregnancy. I wasn't exhausted before the pregnancy though so from the sounds of it I had an easier starting point, I had lots of energy and didn't hit the wall of exhaustion until 48. Whilst in theory I would like another (if it were possible & ignoring my age) I personally am not sure I could be as good a mum as I feel I should be if I were starting again right now due to tiredness. So I personally would not - not because of the pregnancy but because of the years of parenting following it/would I be able to do a decent job of it. Hope all goes well OP whatever you decide.

Friend had unexpected pregnancy at 45.
She had a cruel pregnancy, sick, spotting, waters broke at 22 weeks. She spent 10 weeks in hospital and didn’t bring home a baby. Her children visit their sibling in the graveyard and everyone is brokenhearted.

Personally I don’t think it’s fair on the child . No child wants to be told their grandparents are here to collect them at the school gates . My parents were young and I loved it . I’m 61 now and still have both parents alive fit and well .

My parents are older and I loved it. I’ve never been told my grandparents are here to pick me up, but either way not doing anything because of immature childhood bullying isn’t a reason not to do something. If that was the case my ginger dad possibly shouldn’t have risked having me and my siblings due to all the ginger comments. Never give in to the bullies!

How old is your husband? Is he the sort of man who will take his full responsibility for things like ferrying to clubs and parties etc. when the child is older? Will be be likely to be younger than retirement age when the child is in their teens?

You are still within the age range where women do get pregnant naturally, plus you have bypassed the risk of things like Down syndrome by using your own younger eggs. So for me the deciding factor would be your husband.

If you are single I wouldn't do it. If your husband is more than a couple of years older than you I wouldn't do it. Otherwise I would if I wanted to.

My sister got pregnant at 45 and gave birth at 46. I wouldn't recommend it, it's utterly knackering.

Your not spring chicken and your peri. You'd be very silly and unfair on your current children.

In your shoes, no I wouldn’t have another baby. You have a lovely family already.

I did have a baby age 43 when dc1 was already age 8.

It has been fine because:

1. my dh is amazing and very hard working
2. i can afford to drop my working hours to part time
3. my parents are dead and I’ve no other aging dependent relatives. My PIL are younger and nearby and still going strong, hopefully my ds will be at least secondary school age before they need a lot of (my) extra help. I am ready for it, having seen all my own relatives pass away, and I know it can be very demanding and hard going but since I’m not as emotionally invested I hope it won’t hit me quite as hard.
4. dh and I plan to (can afford to) retire at or before age 60 depending on energy levels so we can devote ourselves to ds in his later teen years.

You do have to be determined and plan ahead - I swim, cycle, do yoga and walk a lot and I added strength workout to keep myself going. Dh is a gym addict. I wouldn’t have tried for a baby in my 40s if I didn’t have a solid plan to stay fit for the long term.

If I already had two lovely boys I wouldn’t add another baby. It’s a limiting factor when planning holidays and activities for all the kids, plus your older kids will be up watching tv with you at 10.30pm and then the youngest will be up at 6.30am and that’s hard - long days, especially if you are working FT too.

A woman on my road has had a very surprise baby girl who is now 4 months old. She will be 49 next month - her husband is 59. They have 3 teens aged from 14 to 19. They love the adorable little baby but life is hard...all the more so because she has been treated for cancer twice in the last 8 years. She was strongly advised to terminate but didn't want to.

I wouldn’t recommend trying for a baby at your age. I had my youngest in early 40s and now exhausted with two teens in my 50s. But. You have that embryo and I think that changes everything. I think you will regret it forever if you don’t try the transfer. I say go for it!

I should say I’m exhausted but very very happy!!!

Why do people still think this? 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

My aunty did. Dont..

She's got embrios that can be implanted so age doesn't matter.

I’m 55 and our youngest child has moved out and the oldest has moved back in. I’m broken, not by the idea she’s moved back in but by my husbands behavior about the youngest moving out. I’m desperate to stop looking after people.
The youngest wanted to move out so much and my normally DH was desperate to stop him. We’ve had tears, emotional blackmail and blame.

He is moving into an apartment we own, with 2 mates, 40 mins from home, in the town that DH works in, he will be using the gym at DHs work, next year he’ll be an apprentice in the same company as DH, and he can see his sisters apartment from his window.

Homestly I don’t think I’ll ever look at my husband in the same way again.

It wouldnt be for me but i DO get it.

Ultimately some women have done it (the ones I can think of are v wealthy) so uni fees / facing late retirment etc dont apply....

I just can't see why anyone would choose to do this unless they were starting a family with a second partner. The logistics of it seem crazy. My OH has a young teen and I can't imagine adding a toddler or 4-5 year old into the mix of days out, activities, holidays etc, even mealtimes are an "adult" civilised affair and no need to feed someone else at 5pm. And when you add a third child you're adding complexities like the size of car you drive, not being able to give anyone else a lift unless you drive a bus/people carrier, not fitting in family hotel rooms, etc etc
At your age I'd also consider your long term plans and financial plans around things like retirement and paying off your mortgage.

There’s so much more to having a baby than an egg actually implanting - as I’m sure you know it being basic biology.