Is concern about shorter men’s attractiveness mainly an online exaggeration? In my experience it is

[KJ311]

Have only quite recently found out about this, probably in about the last year or so, but after having a nose on other halfs mn account and seeing a few height related threads, nearly all featuring at least a few women being quite vocal about not finding shorter men attractive [definitely not all women but quite a few], as well as seeing a few other social media platforms featuring content relating to shorter men being undesirable, left me feeling very perplexed. For the record I am male, 33, 5'7'' [maybe hovering around 5'8'', haven't checked my height in a while but around 5 7/5 8]so not drastically short but definitely nowhere near what could be called tall, and have never once experienced "heightism" in my day to day life, I have been in 4 relationships over the years and have never struggled at all with dating, including during my teenage years when girls are usually at there most superficial, and no one has ever even mentioned my height. My current partner, soon to be mother of my first child is 5'3''.

Just recently when looking online I have seen literally tons of online articles and social media, as well as threads with comments [including on here!] basically painting the picture that if your a shorter man your pretty much going to struggle immensely with being found attractive, I'm sorry but this doesn't translate in any way to the real world, and is completely debunked by walking down any high street and witnessing literally millions of shorter men of all ages who are married or have girlfriends. To me it just seems to be one of those weird online things thats heavily exaggerated [not completely untrue but definitely exaggerated], just wondered if anyone else noticed the same?

Observationally and anecdotally, it seems more often that woman are willing to overlook massive physical 'flaws' if the man ticks other boxes in terms of personality and, yes, status in some cases.

Do they? I've never heard or even read a woman list a man's flaws and then say "But he's so tall! So it's all worth it!"
People overlook all sorts of flaws if a partner offers other things they want. I think financial means can be a big driver to throw a veil over other faults. He's this, he's that, but he works hard and we have a good life...
You never see that about height.

There is a worrying trend, certainly in the Romantasy sphere of fiction, for the 'heroes' (most of whom are anything but heroic and whose often appalling behaviour is overlooked because 'he's hot') to be described as absolutely enormous, compared to the women, who are teeny tiny little things.

As it's a genre frequently read by girls emerging into adulthood, I wonder if this is feeding into the perception that only men who are built like wardrobes are 'hero material'?

Same here. So probably 95% of men are my height or taller. Which is a shame about Tom Cruise, but he never called ....

Height is a weird thing though, even though I'm 5'6", I've got long legs for my height. So I tend to look taller than I really am. When I was younger, people could be quite uncomplimentary about my perceived height, and I got a bit paranoid about it for a while. Which means I can understand the OP's point.

Although I think men are just as picky about physical appearance as women!

I’m 5’2 so never been an issue for me , my dp is 6ft, last one shorter, I have a preference of broad shoulders, not really height, like men prefer bigger or smaller , it really isn’t a big of a deal as you think it is.

Yes! The ‘tall, dark and handsome’ trope!

In my experience, the short men who really struggle, aren’t just short. They also tend to be arseholes, or misogynistic, or entitled(normally to have a very attractive girlfriend) and so on.

Totally agree. I doubt a decent short guy would struggle much with dating, but not the bitter, chip on the shoulder types! I've only met one such example, he's the type who'd home in on everyone else's imperfections before anyone got chance to mention his (even though they probably weren't going to).

I am short. It's never seemed to affect my dating. I have had short and tall girlfriends. My wife is a bit shorter than me. It's just a preference, isn't it? For example, I prefer my partners to have quite big noses and a slim figure, but kindness and being smart trump all other preferences really.

There are women who would automatically notice and lean towards tall men. Some would definitely overlook other flaws for height. People can be ‘shallow’ beings!

The halo effect often triggers a cognitive bias where physical height leads people to subconsciously assume a person has other positive traits like confidence, power, or protection.

I like tall men.

So do I!

Hmmmm

There's also a theme in pretty much all mens adventure type fiction where the wife/girlfriend/child/niece/dog/fish is either kidnapped or killed. And the protagonist has to either save or avenge them (usually but not always while also romancing a sexy Laydee they meet on the way but it's OK because the wife's dead!!!)
Does that mean that men reading it are secretly hoping their wives are kidnapped? Or that young men/teenage boys being exposed to these tropes too young will be doomed to always secretly hope their child is murdered so they can avenge them? There is a difference between fantasy and reality and most healthy adults should be able to tell the difference
I don't like the prevalence of those tropes particularly either but I don't really read romantasy so I am not the target audience. I just think that women's fiction is judged more harshly in a way fiction aimed at men isn't and I don't think we can really get started on the (real) toxicity in women's or men's books before we have fully addressed all the toxicity in porn and porn tropes. But somehow there isn't time for that so....

Hopefully, most men know the difference between fantasy and reality!

Plenty of men fantasise about being a ‘hero’ and saving others and proving their strength and courage.

The desire to protect family, loved ones, or the vulnerable is a fundamental root of these thoughts.

Some women associate tall men with physical strength and protection.

Fairy tales, movies, and literature frequently depict heroes and protectors as tall, broad shouldered, and imposing figures, shaping what people visualise as an ideal partner.

Women’s fiction and female authors definitely suffer from the ‘gender penalty’ and are judged more harshly!

Porn and porn tropes is probably for another thread! 🤣

I think many women think taller than they are so at 5ft 7 or 8 you are taller than a lot of women. If you were 5ft nothing it might be more of a problem.

I think there is something genetically programmed about the man being the defender and needs to be bigger. Very un pc now.

And some men for model looks or a big bust or long blond hair. It's not just (or even mainly) women who can over look flaws for a perceived type of attractiveness and the status of having that type of look on your arm.

I’m 5”6 and curvy. A few years ago I dated a guy who was a couple of inches shorter than me. He lied on his dating profile about his height. We got on well and I liked him, we dated for a few months before it naturally fizzled out. His height did bother me in the sense that I always felt so big next to him and often uncomfortable. But I put it to one side because apart from that I really liked him.
He has absolutely no idea I felt that way.

I'm also 5'6" and thankfully most men are taller than me, or at least no shorter. But being beside a man who is shorter than me makes me feel very unfeminine

Okay....I didn't realise using this word would give such a completely different context, I didn't give much thought to using the word "current", but she is my permanent partner

Also, I never suggested anyone should date someone there not attracted too, or think its ridiculous, to be fair I didn't you know you were 5'8 which is a fairly tall height for a woman, I can understand you wanting to date someone taller. The whole point of my post was that having seen male height being quite a popular debate and talking point online [and finding a few MN threads related to it], this left me a bit stumped as I have never been affected by this, and I've seen women of literally 5ft for example, claim that a man of about 5'9'' is too short, and only want to date a men 6ft or above, I've never met women of this height who are like this which is why I was confused and hence the whole point of my question

Me thinking its ridiculous is due to the fact that I don't understand how a 5ft nothing women could view an average or close to average height man as "short" , its a way of thinking I can't comprehend, I can maybe understand how a very short man of for example 5ft3 or 4 who's only a little taller could be seen this way but when its 5ft7'',8'' ,9'' and above and still being called too short despite being several inches shorter I don't understand it, they have every right to have that preference but I am allowed to say I don't understand it, which I think is totally fair

Well okay, but like I said in my original post, in real life I have never been affected by height and no one has ever mentioned my height, therefore I've never felt short or thought anything of it, its only very recently that I discovered height being such a spoken about subject online, hence the reason for my post. Obviously there has always phrases like "tall dark and handsome", but I never realised it was taken this seriously until very recently

I guess its a good job i'm having a daughter, going by mine and my partners height she will likely be small and delicate, I won't have to worry about having a son who might fall into that trap of believing everything thats said about height on social media, if I do have a son I guess I would just have to reassure him by telling him about my experience and that its never been a huge barrier for me

@KJ311 “Me thinking its ridiculous is due to the fact that I don't understand how a 5ft nothing women could view an average or close to average height man as "short"

Would it be okay for a taller woman (like me) to view an average or close to average height man as “short”?

A short woman does not need to settle for an average height man just because of her own height.

I've explained enough times in previous replies my reasons for asking my question in previous replies to other posters

:What could possibly be your motivation? And why haven't you married your girlfriend before getting her pregnant?

Money

Whether you have a son or a daughter your best bet is to remember that their physical appearance is the least important thing about them and avoid focusing on it either way. Also, dissuade them from being influenced by SM by role modelling staying off it yourself.

I don't understand how a short woman could physically view an average height man as short, surely an average height man would still feel tall to her? I never said anyone should have to "settle" for anyone which is basically why I have said several times that someone is entitled to have whatever preference they want, I just don't understand

An average height man is average by definition, but I'm assuming you consider an average height man as short, that's up to you

I don’t think a man of your height would struggle though, it’s not considered super short? If a man is 5’5 however I think it would affect his options quite a lot

A short woman might not view an average height man as tall because her perception of height is relative and culturally conditioned.

Her personal experience and society's expectations make her see "tall" as something much bigger.