Was it unreasonable to turn my daughter’s old room into an office?

[StorageUnitdisageement]

Dsd moved in with her partner 7 months ago. She didn’t take much with her as wanted to get new things , she has popped back now and then to get bits and was still referring to it as her room.

Ive now found a wfh role and want the room as a home office. We told her this and asked her to come and sort her things out. She didn’t. So the old furniture is now gone and everything else in storage boxes / vacuum bags and I’ve rented a small storage unit.

She has gone absolutely crazy! Thinks we should have left her room ‘just in case’ and begging to have it put back suddenly saying she was planning to stay occasionally and ‘what about Christmas’ I said at Christmas or whenever if you need to stay we can get a mattress in there and that’s not acceptable to her.

I thought waiting 7 months was ages !!!

Eh? It’s your house. She moved out! Convert to office as planned. Silly to leave the room effective redundant. Spoilt child comes to mind…

How old is she and how long has she been with her partner?

I’d tell her she’s being irrational so you’re concerned that things aren’t going well in her new place and she’s reacting this way because it feels like her escape route has gone

shell either agree or back off!

She’s 21, they’ve been together just over 2 years

She’s still quite young. I’d just say that if she ever wants to come home, then it can be changed back, but hopefully things will work out with living with her partner.

Is it possible things aren’t going well with living her partner?

She can't expect you to keep a room empty for her to use a few days a year or 'just in case'. That's crazy.

Although no doubt someone will be along before too long to say you'd not do this if she was your DD and it sounds like you don't like her very much, as if keeping a room empty when the space is needed is a normal thing to do.

You told her about the plan, and she ignored your request to move her stuff, that would have been her chance to say that she felt bothered about the idea (though i still think its a perfectly reasonable thing to do..). She was rude in not sorting her stuff, and is costing you money to store it, she's acting spoilt, and needs to grow up, apologise, and collect her stuff!

When things have calmed down a bit, I'd give her a deadline of a few months to meet and pick it up from the storage, that's not mean, you shouldn't be having to pay to store it if she can't be bothered to come get it.

I would reassure her that if she wanted to move back permanently you would turn the room back into a bedroom for her.

For the most part I don’t think you are being unreasonable. I assume you’d not see her homeless if her relationship ended! Is it her childhood home? If so there could be a bit of emotion there?

Hmm, I think I’d have found a way to always have a bed for her to come and stay, even if it’s a sofa bed.

I think that’s a little harsh to change her room completely within six or seven months. She may have moved out, but it’s still her home. Couldn’t you just have put a desk in there, rather than getting rid of everything? Putting a mattress on the floor is not very welcoming, when she had a room there.

Ha ha… if you were her DM, the whole thread would be “yeah, too right blah blah”

Youre a SM, so probably might as well go set your laptop up in the garden and damned well know your place 😆

of course yanbu. She will get used to it. Your work comes before her nostalgia

Torn as 21 is well within the realms of ‘might have to move back in for a while!!!’ Also putting stuff into a storage unit as opposed to finding places to store the stuff around the house and taking the bed out when she’s only such a short time out seems very drastic!! Very ‘here’s your hat what’s your hurry?’ as you shove her out the door!!!

She is being ridiculous and very immature. Do not pander to her!

WildLeader
Ha ha… if you were her DM, the whole thread would be “yeah, too right blah blah”
Youre a SM, so probably might as well go set your laptop up in the garden and damned well know your place 😆
of course yanbu. She will get used to it. Your work comes before her nostalgia

I didn’t even see she was a sm!!!!

I was a bit put out when my parents turned my room to a study, but I had already left for uni and wasn’t really home much anyway. There was a spare room just not ‘my’ room. I didn’t make a fuss though!

YANBU. When I moved in with my now husband when we bought our first home aged 25 (we are now 40), the same day I moved out my younger brother moved into my room the very same day! My family then downsized- I’ve never had a bedroom at home since. Luckily, we live nearby, so never need to stay over.

Enjoy your new home office!

How many bedrooms does your house have and how are they used? I think she should have spoken up when you told her of your plans.

I started making my youngest DS bedroom into a home office as soon as the removal van was leaving the driveway on the day he moved out! Don’t waste the usable space in the home you live in and pay for.

No you gave ample opportunity and she’s moved out! I can’t imagine my parents keeping my room for me 🤣

YANBU, when my DS moved out he was told to sort his stuff out. He didnt....

I basically packed it all up about a year later and deposited it in his garage and then painted the room pink. (It's now my WFH office and craft room 😁).

But, presumably you live with her Dad so leave him to deal with her immature outburst.

She’s very young to be living with a partner, and probably feels a bit blindsided by the realisation that her childhood home has been wiped clean of all traces of her existence I don’t think you’ve done anything particularly wrong, but I would certainly cut her some slack. Seven months is no time at all.

She's only 21? Oh no, that's pretty mean of you. She must feel like you couldn't wait to get rid of her and all her stuff. She can't 'come home' any more - there's no home for her to come home to.

My parent thirty years ago changed my bedroom into a music room. Still not forgiven. It's unacceptable

It’s flying the next time. She’s flown the nest. Good for her. Sadly too many young people are either happy at home or the economy has conspired to make moving out unaffordable.

She has managed to do it. But she’s gone now, she doesn’t get to keep her childhood room as a museum.