Was it unreasonable to turn my daughter’s old room into an office?

[StorageUnitdisageement]

Dsd moved in with her partner 7 months ago. She didn’t take much with her as wanted to get new things , she has popped back now and then to get bits and was still referring to it as her room.

Ive now found a wfh role and want the room as a home office. We told her this and asked her to come and sort her things out. She didn’t. So the old furniture is now gone and everything else in storage boxes / vacuum bags and I’ve rented a small storage unit.

She has gone absolutely crazy! Thinks we should have left her room ‘just in case’ and begging to have it put back suddenly saying she was planning to stay occasionally and ‘what about Christmas’ I said at Christmas or whenever if you need to stay we can get a mattress in there and that’s not acceptable to her.

I thought waiting 7 months was ages !!!

Of course if the relationship didn’t work out she would obviously be allowed back and would have a room here again but I can’t just leave it as her bedroom !

She’s bought a flat for heavens sake. She’s being a brat. Stand your ground.

Bedrooms left as shrines is just weird imo.

At just 21 I’d have kept her stuff or a least a bed and a few items in the until she was a bit older .
I wouldn’t have moved stuff to storage.

My parents took over my bedroom literally the day after I moved out to live with a partner. Same age, 21. No problem. But of course it depends on relationships and her feelings of security both with her partner and in the family. I’m sure being step daughter can make a difference, for example. You didn’t do anything wrong and she can’t demand that you keep a space for her indefinitely, just be sympathetic and reiterate that you love having her to stay and there will always be space for her if she needs it etc. I’m well into adulthood and with my own family now and I still have total confidence that I could turn up at my parent’s house and stay any time. Doesn’t need a dedicated preserved room to know that.

People thinking you should have kept her room are bonkers. She brought a house with her partner, her age is irrelevant. If the relationship fails then you can support her as you would regardless of her age.

You need a home office, you gave her the chance to clear the room and she's been gone for months. Keeping it as some of shrine when you need an office space to work properly is just silly.

And you told her this? You don't need to keep a shrine, of course you don't. But put a sofa bed/futon in there at least!

I'm in my 40s, married, with kids. I would still like to know there's a place for me if I need it back "home". Not everyone has this luxury. If your children have it, tell them.

I used it once or twice, boomeranging back. After relationship breakups etc. Obviously I've no intention to do so again now.

But if there was no bed for me to use at Christmas in there now I'd be pretty miffed.

Bonkers. She’s bought a flat for goodness sake.

Not remotely unreasonable for you to use the space in your own home to work.

I moved out at 20 and I’d not even left before my younger sister was in my bedroom
measuring so she could plan the layout of HER new room with scale drawings on graph paper and shopping with my mum for new wallpaper. At least you waited till she’d gone 🤣

How old is you're daughter ?

Yanbu @StorageUnitdisageement I waited to turn my ds's bedroom into my craft room/ guest bedroom until his house purchase completed as up to then anything could have happened that would have meant him moving back. He's fine about it as he knew this was my plan. You can't keep a room for an adult child who has not only moved out but bought their own place.

It's not her home. She's 21 and she moved out 7 months ago !!!!

Yeah, 7 months, not 7 YEARS! She's only just left FGS.

OP said her DD is 21.

Really? She left 7 months ago to buy a flat with her partner... So she gets to live in her own flat while also keeping a room empty that OP needs to wfh? Or OP should give up the new remote job so she can keep the room sacred for her?

Haha I lost my room when I went to uni, luckily there was a very tiny, impersonal boxroom I got over summer etc, I didn't complain once or expect any different. A mattress in my old room would have been fine too. It was never even discussed with me, just my gear put in the loft.

I certainly wouldn't have expected a room to be kept for me after I moved out properly. 😅

Not to say I wouldn't have been welcomed back, my Mum always let me back during rough spots for a few months in my early 20s but I never had a dedicated room, just a roof over my head until I got my feet back under me.

Having said that, even though my parents divorced when I was a teen, I never had a step parent so hard to say if that dynamic would have changed my attitude or made me feel insecure.

You think she should wait 7 years. 7 months is plenty of time to allow her to settle into the home she has brought.

I know several people whose parents downsized once they left home so there wasn't even a spare room being used as an office available it's completely normal.

The OPs step daughter is old enough to have moved out and she doesn't need her childhood bedroom kept indefinitely for her to return to should she at some point end the relationship she's in. She's moved on as adults do and turning that room into a functioning part of the house is just sensible.

Either she's moved out or she's not.

She's not a uni student. She's not a dependent in any way.

She's living with someone else.

So yes, reclaiming the space is reasonable.

Is she going to otherwise let you know how long you need to wait to use your own house which you pay to upkeep and will she be paying the appropriate storage fees in the short term whilst you wait for formal approval and blessing on your own property?

Remind her she’s an adult and should start acting that way. Also remind her you’re an adult also and this is your home and not hers and you will do as you like.

Your OP reads like you told her to get her stuff, waited a bit (unspecified how long) and then moved it without any further discussion. If that's really what happened, it seems a harsh ending to her childhood bedroom. Also, those things are her possessions. Did you not feel uncomfortable about effectively assuming ownership rights over them (IE dismantling, deciding location etc)?

This.

Yeah she’s been in her new home for 7 months. She’s been out of her old home for
7 months. How many different ways can we say the same thing? It’s not her home and not her room anymore. OP can do what she wants with room in her house.

Not this. It’s not her home or her room anymore.

Maybe the OP should compromise and the step daughter can have her old room and the OP can turn the bedroom in her flat into her new office. 😆Makes about as much sense as the suggestions from those saying she should keep the room as it is and not use it for an office.

Wow, some of the responses on this thread ... you lot won't have any issues around how to organise big family get togethers at eg Xmas or birthdays etc - your kids won't come anywhere near you once they're grown 🤣🤣