Was it unreasonable to turn my daughter’s old room into an office?

[StorageUnitdisageement]

Dsd moved in with her partner 7 months ago. She didn’t take much with her as wanted to get new things , she has popped back now and then to get bits and was still referring to it as her room.

Ive now found a wfh role and want the room as a home office. We told her this and asked her to come and sort her things out. She didn’t. So the old furniture is now gone and everything else in storage boxes / vacuum bags and I’ve rented a small storage unit.

She has gone absolutely crazy! Thinks we should have left her room ‘just in case’ and begging to have it put back suddenly saying she was planning to stay occasionally and ‘what about Christmas’ I said at Christmas or whenever if you need to stay we can get a mattress in there and that’s not acceptable to her.

I thought waiting 7 months was ages !!!

People are far too precious. I moved out at 23, my mother changed my room within 2-3 months and has stayed that way since, it’s her home to do with as she pleases. If it went messy after I moved out I’d be found somewhere else myself or she would of course have me back home and we’d make it work. Your daughter’s being a bit precious and probably showing her age a little. It’s a lot of big changes in that time of life. I wouldn’t feel guilty at all

Maybe she has her room at her mothers place?

I would have made sure there was a bed and the option for her to come home, but I don't think it's unreasonable for you to use the space how it suits you until such time as that is required.

I would have given her a deadline to remove her stuff rather than just doing it.

My DD 21 has announced that her and her boyfriend of 3 years are getting a flat together. She is taking most her things. I will use it as an office and we’ll put a double sofa bed in there for occasional use.

if it doesn’t work out she can bring her things back home of course but I’m not leaving a room spare when we can make use of it. Our home is not that big to have that luxury.

I think it’s mean, and too soon.

My room was gone when I moved out to go to university at 18. Sister moved out 2 years later at 16 and her room was gone too, within 2 months, parents moved. They didn't downsize.

At 21 she needs to grow up, if she's adult enough to live with her boyfriend she's grown up enough to realise the needs of the people who pay for the house come before her room.

I went travelling for 3 months at 19 before going to university. I packed my stuff up so younger sibling could use the room while I was gone. Couldn’t have it sat empty and them sharing. Just had to shift about when I came home.
I was bright enough to realise that it was very selfish to expect that, and that it didn’t mean I was unloved or abandoned.

Do it when ever you want.
I still call the bed room at mum and dad's house 'my room' even though I haven't stepped foot in it in 42 years!!!

Was her moving out a really permanent thing in her mind ? She didn’t take much.
Despite asking her to take her things it is obviously a bit of a shock to her. As if she still saw it as home and her bedroom. I can relate to that a bit.
When I left home my bedroom had been a place I loved. My sanctuary. Away from the rest of the house. I loved everything about it.
My father pretty much instantly removed all the furniture and turned it into a messy office. Papers everywhere.
I was horrified to see what had happened to it.
It feels very personal. Which sounds very dramatic. Almost as if the memory of you wasn’t wanted there. Perhaps it wasn’t. For me that is.

I agree with the comment about couldn’t you find a way of working in it and keeping it much the same ? Until you realise she was truly settled.

As long as she is not in student halls or some other temporary accommodation, it is absolutely time to redecorate. She has her own home.

When my DS1 moved out, the front door had barely swung shut when DS2 moved into his room 😆

It's your house, your daughter moved out, what more is there to say?

YABU. Don’t you know that you are supposed to keep their room as a shrine to them for at least the next 35 years? Longer, if you are a stepmother. If you need a home office, tough, you’ll just need to perch with your laptop at the end of your bed and remember who really matters in the house you pay for.

According to MN, you need to keep a child’s bedroom for ever if they are not to be traumatised. If you are cruel enough to move house you need to make sure that you buy somewhere with enough rooms so that you can keep a bedroom exclusively for each child. You should probably also make provision in your will forbidding the sale of your house so that they will have a bedroom to come home to if they ever need it.

ETA:Haha, cross posted @GCAcademic !!

Get a grip. She’s an adult who is unlikely to come home. She sounds like a brat to me

My brother moved in to my room as soon as I left but there was always space for me so I wasn't miffed for very long. I knew I was always welcome. If you haven't already, make sure your child knows that if it all goes pear shaped she can come home again.

Silly. Both mine and my brothers rooms got changed the year we went to uni and we accepted that

Blimey she's only been gone since earlier this year. I may be in the minority, but I think you've been harsh just basically deleting her bedroom as if it wasn't ever there - for your 'office.'

She is only 21 and has been living with her boyfriend for only 7 months. She's not been with him for 10 years, married, around 30 years old, and with kids. It's quite possible that she may want to come back. I'd be like 'good grief mother, tell me you don't ever want to come back, without telling me you don't ever want me to come back...'

I would have been upset too if I was her. YABVU.

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This. She has moved out. She doesn't need the room anymore. Of course she could can home if things don't go to plan but she can't expect you to keep the room as it was.

She’s very young to be committing to and moving in with a partner. I’d be doing everything I could to make it possible for her to come home easily. I wonder if living together isn’t as great as she hoped. BUT that doesn’t mean keeping her room set up “just in case”. I think you should use it as you need to and assure her it can be converted back at any time, but only if she needs to move back, even if you think this won’t happen

I’m don’t know about this - my parents completely changed the set up the day after I moved out. Moved on the Sunday, popped in on the Monday during my lunch break and they handed me a box with a few bits I had left behind as they’d finished changing it around. I think 7 months is plenty of time to wait!

You've been generous waiting 7 months. My mum had already bought paint and new curtains for my room before I'd even moved out. Same day I moved out she started redecorating it!

But then my parents were always very clear that once I'd finished uni and got myself a job I could stay living at home for only 6 months and would then have to move out.

This. OP has got rid of her DD's room far too quickly IMO. I would be upset too if I was the daughter.

Good grief.

My Mum moved to a smaller house when I was at Uni and hadn't fully left home. Had to spend my last summer sleeping on my sisters floor and all my stuff was stored in a garage. I got over it.