Was it unreasonable to turn my daughter’s old room into an office?

[StorageUnitdisageement]

Dsd moved in with her partner 7 months ago. She didn’t take much with her as wanted to get new things , she has popped back now and then to get bits and was still referring to it as her room.

Ive now found a wfh role and want the room as a home office. We told her this and asked her to come and sort her things out. She didn’t. So the old furniture is now gone and everything else in storage boxes / vacuum bags and I’ve rented a small storage unit.

She has gone absolutely crazy! Thinks we should have left her room ‘just in case’ and begging to have it put back suddenly saying she was planning to stay occasionally and ‘what about Christmas’ I said at Christmas or whenever if you need to stay we can get a mattress in there and that’s not acceptable to her.

I thought waiting 7 months was ages !!!

Oh she's being a right princess. I moved out at nineteen, that very weekend my parents emptied it and made it a office. Tell her to grow up.

That beside the point.

How much warning did you give her? How much time did she have to sort out things out? And did she have the option to say “ please keep my room for me”?

She’s moved in with her boyfriend, It’s not her room anymore.

We gave ours about 3 months then said we were reorganising as guest rooms, welcome to stay but the posters and personal effects left have been packed away.

I think it's really hard when your parents change your room. It feels so permanent and like a rejection. That said, I don't think that means you shouldn't use the room as your office, but your dsd might need some tlc for a while to help her come to terms with it.

Not really. An adult who's left home can't realistically expect a bedroom at her father's and one at her mother's to stay available to her.

I’d also have kept a bed in there and kept it as her room, but made it an office for me the rest of the time,

my daughter is late 20s she still has her room here, to be fair we don’t need the room for anything else, so speaking from a position of privalge but I’d also want a space for my child to come back and stay

It’s not her home. You don’t get to claim every house you’ve ever lived in as your home for ever more.

My mum and dad’s house hasn’t been my home since I moved out at 18 to go to uni. I worked at uni so stayed away for the holidays too - but it’s certainly not been my house since I graduated and moved in with my partner. If we split up, my first plan would be to find somewhere else to live myself - mum and dads would be my last resort so it would be weird if they kept a whole room in their house dedicated to me when they needed the space.

They have purchased a flat together so yes it’s meant to be permanent!!!

Also no relationship issues and she hasn’t wanted to stay at all since moving out , it’s just now that she doesn’t have a room here as well it’s caused a problem

Why not? Each place has been a home to her. DSM could have in a desk, maybe a filing cabinet, but have left the bed and most of the decor. My children are in their early thirties. We have repurposed their rooms, but left them intact enough that they know they can come home and always be welcome. OP is definitely giving “This no longer your home. You have been erased. You are all on your own in future.” Unless you make a point of discussing your office needs and her emotional attachments (I know she didn’t move her stuff, but she probably didn’t think that you would actually move everything out) you will probably be viewed as “the evil stepmother” who never wanted her around anyway.

Sorry but do you really think most people in thier 30s have bedrooms at thier parents houses?

She’s only just 20 isn’t she?

21, will be 22 in October

I would not share your confidence about the relationship lasting. Though based not on meeting both of them.

1: your house
2: it's probably not difficult to make it usable in an emergency
3: your job/income must take precedence over her backup plan

oh get a grip

its your house and you need the space. She does not.

Just be clear she always has a home if she needs it

My Mum did something similar to this when I left for university, and I’ve never forgiven her. It is so hurtful at that young age. That among other things has caused a permanent rift so deep that I haven’t seen her in 10+ years and she’s never met her grandchild. What’s more important in the long term? Your daughter or the wfh space?

I would put a fold out sofa in there for her, and perhaps a shelf, or something that is hers, and let her know she always has a place.

It’s a tough thing making that transition, and she obviously wants to know she has a safety net.
Doesn’t mean she’ll need that reassurance for long but perhaps a wee bit longer.

She's not only moved out to her partner, they bought an apartment together so I don't get why she upset about.

You where really nice in my opinion my dd bedroom was gone the day she moved out and there is no way I would be paying for a storage unit it would of been dumped on her front lawn.

But you went to uni so didn't properly move out you would be coming back from summer holidays, Christmas and end of uni. Op dd has bought a property and moved out