Was it unreasonable to turn my daughter’s old room into an office?

[StorageUnitdisageement]

Dsd moved in with her partner 7 months ago. She didn’t take much with her as wanted to get new things , she has popped back now and then to get bits and was still referring to it as her room.

Ive now found a wfh role and want the room as a home office. We told her this and asked her to come and sort her things out. She didn’t. So the old furniture is now gone and everything else in storage boxes / vacuum bags and I’ve rented a small storage unit.

She has gone absolutely crazy! Thinks we should have left her room ‘just in case’ and begging to have it put back suddenly saying she was planning to stay occasionally and ‘what about Christmas’ I said at Christmas or whenever if you need to stay we can get a mattress in there and that’s not acceptable to her.

I thought waiting 7 months was ages !!!

Is she unhappy in her new home? Of course if she needs the space you can make it work in future but right now she’s moved out - it is no longer her room!

I moved out 22 years ago and I still think of my bedroom as "my room". I very much understand that it is irrational but I was very upset when it began being used as a dumping ground for unwanted furniture and stuff even though it happened about 15 years after my moving out. This year, I asked my parents to at least clear a drawer so I don't have to live out of my suitcase when I visit.
Of course, they can do whatever they like with the room and I would never dream of asking them to keep it as it was. But I can't help how I feel.
So yes, convert it to the office but also keep it set up in a way that still feels welcoming to her i.e. nice sofa bed and a bit of space to unpack her things over Christmas.

I think that’s harsh OP. She’s young and anything could happen. Especially reading your update about losing her own mother when she was very young. I’d never do this to a child or especially a step child who’d lost their mother. I think you should have created your office but made sure there was a bed or nice sofa bed and made it nice for her to come back to at Christmas, not make her sleep on a mattress FFS.

I can’t imagine doing as you’ve done. YABU.

Her own mother (who passed away when she was young) would not have done this and she can feel that. Her father should have stopped you. There are ways of making it multi use without putting her all her stuff into storage. Mean.

I'm wondering how many of those posting have rooms kept at their parents homes now they presumably live independently?

This is an adult who chose to leave and purchase her own property!

It feels like there is a lot of projection going on, on this thread.

In which case she is being ridiculous.

I don't think yabu at all. She's an adult, you spoke to her about your plans, she ignored that and now it's important you have the space. A brilliant solution would be to install a Studybed. It's an amazing large desk which pulls down instantly to become a fully made bed. You can buy fantastic storage above it too. Have a Google. She'd feel happier with that set up than an odd mattress bunged on the floor. I've got a small double one and it is absolutely brilliant.

Last time we visited my parents and stayed over we were on a blow up mattress in the lounge, I thought this was an entirely normal sort of arrangement when family gets together. Who knew that everyone had big enough houses to keep spare bedrooms available for all children and their partners for family get togethers and having to sleep on a blow up mattress means my parents obviously don't love me!!

Gosh what a snippy post. Clearly if you don’t have space you need to sleep on the lounge floor and no one said keep rooms for all children or your parents don’t love you

How on earth can you possibly know that her mother would not have done the same as OP?

When my children had all left home I downsized from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom house.

I assumed, like OP, that once they had set up their own homes - particularly once they'd taken out a mortgage and were buying their own homes, as OP's DSD has done, that they would unlikely need to come back to live with me.

And sure enough, as adults who are buying their own homes, they have taken care of their own housing needs.

So you moved into her childhood home - her dead mothers home - and have done away with her bedroom at the first opportunity.

This is very thoughtless.

Can’t you put a desk in your bedroom and work from there? Or work at the dining table?

As long as there’s a bed for him, that’s not unreasonable,

7 months is not 'the first opportunity '. OP's job that requires daily work in a quiet part of a home, that she owns and pays for, far outweighs keeping a room empty 'just in case' for an adult who has moved out and had ample time to sort her belongings but hasn't. Work at a dining table?? Really? How wet.

I think 7 months is more than reasonable, especially if she moved out and had already decided to get new things. I can understand her feeling upset about the change, but calling it “her room” indefinitely isn’t really fair if she no longer lives there. I’d be happy to make space for her when she visits, but I wouldn’t give up a whole room just in case she might want to stay occasionally.