Partners daughter wake up time

[Missthe1975]

Just wondering if this is normal? I’ve lived with my partner for just over 3 months but we’ve been together 3 years. He has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He shares contact with his ex and has his daughter approx 35% of the time. Since we moved in together and she has stayed over I’ve noticed she wakes at around 6am and takes herself downstairs to watch TV and he gets up with her about 9am on weekends and in the school holidays. When she gets up she is generally quiet but there are some mornings when she sings around the house and it wakes me up or my daughter (15). I feel like leaving her alone for 3 hours is a long time and I’ve communicated this to him. He said he would change and start getting up with her but I’ve noticed this week she’s now back with us and it’s been 9am every morning since Monday that he’s got up with her. I always got up when my daughter was this age. Is this simply differing parenting styles?

No, he’s expecting you to get up with her

8 is perfectly old enough to get up by herself and know to be quiet. I think 3 hours is too long though, and he should leave for a max of 1 hr, 1hr 30.

Also today he went upstairs to read with her on her bed and the next thing I know she’s back downstairs and he’s fallen asleep on the bed. He ended up being asleep for 2 hours and in this time I looked after her. When he got up he didn’t say thanks and again I feel already like a bit of convenient childcare for him. It’s making the morning get up situation feel a bit unfair

Yeah, it’s different parenting styles, and his style is “lazy and disengaged”.

6am is very early and it's fine for an 8 year old to have some time alone waiting for the rest of the household to wake up.

If it were me I would compromise by getting up with her on one day of the weekend and sleeping in the next, or by (as pp suggests) giving her 90 minutes per day.

However all that is moot as it's up to him. It's not a great sign if you've asked for a change early on and he's giving it lip service.

How is your dd managing with the new arrangements?

He sounds like he just cba

My daughter is fine and is at an age where she’s spending most of holidays with her friends so isn’t noticing the same things I am. She did open up to me though and said she’s noticed he doesn’t seem
to thrive off being a dad!

Have you moved in with him or has he moved in with you? Just wondering if she is getting used to a new house.

The fact that he can’t be bothered to get up with her would put me off him tbh. I think 3 hours is a long time at that age. He should be up & about from around 7.30/8 if she is up at 6. Does he do much with her when he’s up for the day?

He could be assuming you will step in to help.

Just tell her no singing in the morning.
Why didn't you send her back to bed and wake him up?

Why doesn't her actual parent do those things?

@Missthe1975 It's been 3 months, not going to improve. Kick him back out.

What was the am routine with her like before you moved in together?

Do you think there’s a chance he wanted to move in together for 10 years of free childcare?

He told me he would get up with her after about an hour before we moved in together…

This

Well he fell asleep reading so he couldn't really tell her to back to bed !

i just don’t want to spend the next two weeks whilst she is staying with us where I’m feeling like this. I’m at the stage of life where I’ve done the heavy lifting of parenting!

So you were never there?

Do you think he was lying to you?

Have you asked him why he’s no longer waking at 7am to parent her anymore?

If it were just the two of them, would she have just wandered around the house until she got tired? Do you think this was the routine before?

Why is he so tired that he can’t read with his own child?

I wouldn’t live with him. He clearly expects you to care for his child because he cba.

Why have you then got involved with someone with a young child? You can't be completely hands off when you live with someone.

She's not a tot, she's fine to be sorting herself out. But it obviously doesn't sit right with you so maybe living together isn't going to work.

You’re nearing the end, so if I were you, I’d be very cautious about someone else foisting 10 more years of parenting responsibilities on me.

I take her to the park without him being there etc - it’s not like I’m being completely hands off. But I feel like the 35% of the time he has her, it should be him doing pretty much all of the “get ups”

Oh boy…I’m assuming you’re not going to the park for your teen and the little one is tagging along. This is a slippery slope, OP…a tale as old as time.

What time is she going to sleep if she's waking up at 6am? I think he needs to aim to get up at 7 but it's definitely him that needs to be doing this.

Compromise? She stays in her room until 7, he gets up no later than 8 with her