Partners daughter wake up time

[Missthe1975]

Just wondering if this is normal? I’ve lived with my partner for just over 3 months but we’ve been together 3 years. He has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He shares contact with his ex and has his daughter approx 35% of the time. Since we moved in together and she has stayed over I’ve noticed she wakes at around 6am and takes herself downstairs to watch TV and he gets up with her about 9am on weekends and in the school holidays. When she gets up she is generally quiet but there are some mornings when she sings around the house and it wakes me up or my daughter (15). I feel like leaving her alone for 3 hours is a long time and I’ve communicated this to him. He said he would change and start getting up with her but I’ve noticed this week she’s now back with us and it’s been 9am every morning since Monday that he’s got up with her. I always got up when my daughter was this age. Is this simply differing parenting styles?

Fucking hell. Poor little girl. He really can't make any effort for anyone else but himself can he?

Tell him to pack his things. What a twat.

He’s getting stressed about your child waking his up?! Ironic when his child is the one waking you and yours up? Honestly it sounds like he’s not a very active parent and wanting to move in with you so you could take over to make his life easier. I do wonder if it’s one of the reasons his ex binned him off?! I think I’d tell him that it’s not working out living together and to go back to how it was before, living separately. You’ve already done your time with your daughter, why does he get to skip and pass it to you?!

He's not that 'tired' simply because he's gotten up a little earlier today OP, he's simply lazy.

All the 'anxiety' and 'depression' is no doubt simply tied to him being forced to actually 'parent' his own child.

The fact that he pushed to move in with you is a major red flag.
Add that to the red flags of doing everything he can to avoid actually doing the graft of parenting and making you do it by default because he's 'sleeping'? Red flags everywhere ffs.

It's not even as if he's doing any extra housework/laundry etc is he? Nope, you're the bloody 'default' again there too.

Seriously, you need to get him out asap so that you and your DD can regain the happy status you had before he managed to wedge his lazy arse feet under your table.

He's an avoidant Father who doesn't intend to do anything unless you force him to. I'm sure once he moves out, he'll find excuse after excuse to NOT have his DD for 35% of the time immediately. Poor kid will be lucky to see him EOW ffs, and she'll still spend 70% of that time alone because he's in bed or 'has fallen asleep'. :(

How predictable. You’ve got yourself a real catch.

Oh OP. He is a real piece of pathetic shit. Just reading that he fell asleep on the sofa gave me the ick. I hope your fanny has clamped shut and you throw him out as soon as his daughter leaves.

I can really see why his ex can’t stand him.

His poor DD, having such a crap father.

I'll bet he did! Another guy looking for a woman to house him and parent his child!

He’s hoping that if he ignores her you will get up and look after her. I would be kicking him out of bed at 7am every morning without fail telling him to go be a parent. He falls asleep on the bed reading to her, you wake him up. She comes to you for something you tell her to go ask dad. Every time.

Ugh my ex was like this. In fact he’d just put her into bed between us. Then he’d roll over and go back to sleep while she sat there chatting and poking me and putting her icy cold clammy feet on me!

Drove me mad. It caused a lot of stress as he’d treat it like I hated her just because I didn’t want to be woken up and have to parent her while he slept.

He’d also do things like “let’s set them up with some painting or baking” then when all the messy stuff was out in my house he’d go and have a nap.

Obviously i ended up supervising 5 children (3 mine and 2 his) doing messy crafts while he had a lovely rest, but if I complained I was a child hater or I should have also gone for nap and left them to it.

It doesn’t get any better. Honestly I’d move back into separate houses or better yet, sack him off and find someone without young DCs. When you’ve been there and done that, the last thing you need is to go back and start parenting someone else’s kids, especially when he’s so ungrateful.

btw I also miss The 1975!

‘Nanny with a fanny’

It is an absolute fucking mystery why his ex hates him, isn't it? Absolutely nothing here gives us any hint as to why they broke up. So odd.

Edited typo

Precisely 😁

We’ll have no happiness in this house young lady!!

Yeah you tell her.

He sounds like a shit dad in general but this particular behaviour I think is OK. I'm a mum and I do similar, I get up around 9 on weekends but my kids aged 6 and 8 can get up earlier if they wish. If they get up at six am and are therefore alone for 3 hours, that's their problem I'm afraid. There's no way I'd get up at 7am to have bonding time and board games.

She should get up at 7 and get up at 8

Yes but it's every day when he has her in the school holiday, and it's in a new house for her (OPs house) where she isn't used to living with her dad, she's also on her own so not with a sibling. I think it's very different when it's in your family home, with your parents and siblings. It sounds so sad and lonely for an 8 year old girl to be left completely by herself for three hours every day whilst her dad, his new partner and his partner's teen DD sleeps.

Hope you had a lovely afternoon out, don't do anything for him or his child when you return. Good day to take your daughter out for pizza or something.

Yeah it's a bit different. Plus also, if she is making a noise and waking other sleeping members of the household up, then the parent needs to be dealing with it at that point, whether that's to get up and engage or tell her to be quiet until X time when he'll be up.

I hope you had a lovely afternoon and have come home and told him to move out?!

Classic mn single man bingo - single mum with child who rents moves in with woman and expects her to pick up his parenting slack, clean, cook, life admin etc

(and also incredulous that a teacher can’t ( unwilling) to look after a child!)

Singing is fine.
My daughter can do hours of singing away quite happily by herself (and has done since she was about 3 or 4).
The point is not early in the morning when it wakes others up.
Which is what the OP is complaining about.

Today we’re back to 8:30 get up!

Shocker. Did either you or your DD get woken up?