Partners daughter wake up time

[Missthe1975]

Just wondering if this is normal? I’ve lived with my partner for just over 3 months but we’ve been together 3 years. He has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He shares contact with his ex and has his daughter approx 35% of the time. Since we moved in together and she has stayed over I’ve noticed she wakes at around 6am and takes herself downstairs to watch TV and he gets up with her about 9am on weekends and in the school holidays. When she gets up she is generally quiet but there are some mornings when she sings around the house and it wakes me up or my daughter (15). I feel like leaving her alone for 3 hours is a long time and I’ve communicated this to him. He said he would change and start getting up with her but I’ve noticed this week she’s now back with us and it’s been 9am every morning since Monday that he’s got up with her. I always got up when my daughter was this age. Is this simply differing parenting styles?

I have an 8 year old. I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be getting up at 6am at the weekend after working all week. I’d be telling her she can’t go downstairs until 7.30 and I’d get up with her around then (and even that is bloody early for us at the weekend).

6am is still the middle of the night at the weekend here!

Our DS woke up at 6am when he was 8. He had to stay in his room until 6:30. I'm an early riser myself, but DH gets up at 8-8:30 on weekends. I don't mind that because it's my child.

In your position I would absolutely be telling my DP sleeping until 9 is not fair. He's got plenty of weekends to sleep in.

He needs to change his sleep pattern. 9am is late to get up. Is he going to bed at 1am to get 8 hours. Why cant he go to bed earlier so he wakes up with her.

If it were me as a mother, I’d be up but people have different parenting skills. People on here said 8 is ok to get up on their own but mine aren’t this age yet so I suppose I will rethink my answer in 2 years.

Buy your 15 year old ear plugs.

Buy the 8 year old a recorder or drums or something else loud and annoying.

Hand the recorder over at 7.00am tell her to show daddy how well she can play.

Exactly this. If he won't parent apart from between certain times which suit him, tell him to live elsewhere when his daughter comes over

I think this is broadly fine and lots of ppl do this. Most parents are exhausted and need a rest and many children wake up super early! Mine have been going downstairs on their own from age 6 and enjoy their time alone (and I enjoy a rest in bed!)

I'd suggest discussing through with both of them... maybe quiet reading, lego, drawing etc in her room until 6.30-7, then downstairs to watch TV and get her own breakfast. Adult downstairs for 8.30-9am.

I think if she’s fine to go downstairs that’s great but 3 hours is too long. He should be getting up by 730/8 . He’s working up to you being the default parent i wouldn’t like this at all.

I’ve got an early riser and I think this is ok in the circumstances. An 8yr old doesn’t need supervision as a toddler would.

When my DS was 8 he would get up quietly, sort some cereal, watch tv. We could ask him to stay in his bedroom until 6.30 but sometimes he’d sneak out early. He would read in bed whilst waiting.

I would ask her to not sing, it’s important that she doesn’t wake others in the house

The timing of you moving in seems mighty convenient. He is waiting for you to just@l do all the parenting for him.

Serious conversation is needed.

Why does the get up so late?! My children are teens now but I’m up around 7 regardless. School runs, work, exercise, packing for days out, enjoying a coffee in the garden. I can’t imagine lying in bed until 9am!

I think 8 is absolutely old enough to get up by yourself, and amuse yourself quietly until the household gets up.

I used to love having a quiet house to eat my breakfast, read my book or watch TV before anyone else was up, and my children were the same. We wouldn’t have wanted mum or dad hovering over us in the morning.

If she’s getting bored, that’s different, but it sounds like she’s happy enough.

But, it does sound like your parenting styles don’t match, I would reconsider living together.

So why did you start a relationship and move in with someone with a young child. Yes he's her dad but you still have a role.

She is 8, not 3, and should be fine quietly watch tv in the mornings. You could ask her not to singing I guess or to try not wake others in the house up.
but sounds like that was their routine before you moved in so I dont think you get to decide that it’s no longer ok if it works for them.

She's old enough to stay in bed and read until 7-7.30 and then go downstairs. She's also old enough to understand not singing loudly to wake the rest of the house up. She might be doing this on purpose to wake the rest of the house as she's bored,3 hours is a long time to watch telly on her own.

Just don't step into the parenting gap he's leaving, else he will never bridge that gap.

What's he like as a dad the rest of the time OP? Does he take her swimming and to the park, read to her, chat to her etc?

If he is generally a hands on and engaged dad I would be less worried about the mornings. But if this is part of a picture of being a lazy parent then I would lose a lot of respect for him and I would be seriously considering our future.

This is why I think that the majority of blended families have so many difficulties.

Broadly, you are seeing the two of you as single parents, doing a similar job, each raising your own children. So you’re asking the question of whether this is a parenting difference or whether he’s doing something wrong because you’re trying to work out why he’s leaving his child unsupervised.

He is seeing a transition from one relationship (he helps but broadly the home responsibilities rest with his wife) to a second relationship (he helps but broadly the home responsibilities rest with his wife) with a brief patch of single parenting in between. He’s hearing you ask him to get up with the child, and he’s happy to offer to do that, so says he will but in this instance forgot.

Of course he should be the "get ups", and other parenting such as taking her to the park (that he's already outsourced it seems).

Do you know what he was like as a father when he was with her mother (if they were ever together after she was born)? It's hardly wildly unusual for a man to leave all the parenting to the mother is it when they are in a relationship. If he was like that, then he most likely doesn't want to step up and do the full 35% of care responsibility he now has.

Three hours alone is a lot at eight, and of course it would be better if her father actively wanted to spend time with her. He clearly isn't that kind of man though is he. So the choice is yours.

If you need a rest, go to bed earlier. Presumably hes going to bed ay 12/1 to get 8 hours in. Go to bed at 11 and then get up at 7am.

She’s 8 not 3. She can understand get up times. Mine stayed in their rooms quietly until 8am at weekends. During school holidays, it was 7.30am if a weekday. Lots of children wake early and can’t understand they could go back to sleep. If you set a time for then to be up, they often doze off again. Even if she doesn’t, she can play quietly in her room or read. Allowing children to watch TV as soon as they wake, just encourages them to get up.

Your partner should be sorting this and doing some parenting.

He’s only a parent a third of the time and he can’t be arsed to do that properly.

He moved you in to be a nanny with a fanny; he gets you to contribute to bills (presumably), look after his child, do housework and cooking etc (even if you’re splitting that 50/50, he’s doing less than when he lived alone) and he gets sex on tap - hasn’t he done well?

The question is, is YOUR life better for living with him? Do you have more money? Do less childcare (I can answer that one, no.) Do less housework and cooking? And are you having the sex life that you want? Or does him acting like a crap father give you the ick and turn you off him?

We’re both teachers hence he’s getting up at 9am in the week at the moment. He’s just got up with her now. I’ve deliberately stayed in bed to see how long it would take for him to sort her breakfast. I went downstairs an hour ago to put a wash on and spoke to her and she told me she’d been up since 6 again. I will chat with him later as I do think 3 hours is too long.

He sounds lazy. Kick him out of bed every time she wakes you. Don't do things to entertain her. If he falls asleep on her bed send her to wake him and tell him she's bored. Poor girl must be fed up, is he taking her out at all?

Just tell her to go back to bed until a reasonable hour.