Partners daughter wake up time

[Missthe1975]

Just wondering if this is normal? I’ve lived with my partner for just over 3 months but we’ve been together 3 years. He has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He shares contact with his ex and has his daughter approx 35% of the time. Since we moved in together and she has stayed over I’ve noticed she wakes at around 6am and takes herself downstairs to watch TV and he gets up with her about 9am on weekends and in the school holidays. When she gets up she is generally quiet but there are some mornings when she sings around the house and it wakes me up or my daughter (15). I feel like leaving her alone for 3 hours is a long time and I’ve communicated this to him. He said he would change and start getting up with her but I’ve noticed this week she’s now back with us and it’s been 9am every morning since Monday that he’s got up with her. I always got up when my daughter was this age. Is this simply differing parenting styles?

This isn’t going to end well OP, and I think you know that.

He’s a primary school teacher so must know how to interact with children, and yet he’s worried about having his daughter for two weeks?

He will be having six weeks holiday (of which I’m guessing he’s already had three) but needs to have a lie in until 9am every day. He should be either getting up for himself or taking her out somewhere.

There's a reason why he isn’t with the child’s mother and you need to ask yourself why.

Time for that serious conversation before you end up doing the 35% childcare.

He needs to move out.

I agree with you op. Problem is he will resent you for ‘making’ him get up with his daughter or he won’t do it and just keep lying in bed.

If he’s a primary school teacher he knows exactly what eight year olds are like and how to engage with them so not sure why he is worrying about that. More like he wanted the summer off.

I had an exh exactly like that and dc that got up really early. Some children just are early risers and I found it easier to get up with them than make them go back to bed, even if I just sat around with a cup of tea. My exh never made much effort at parenting at all and we split up over it.

Classic case of a lazy dad avoiding full CMS by reluctantly having their child over night.

I did the same, its easy to put cbeebies, or whatever they are into, and just sit there. That's all he needs to do rather then her leading this lonely existence whenever she is at her dad's.

He’s got up at 7:30 this morning and taken her out for a forest walk while I try and get some peace and work out next steps. I haven’t slept well. My daughter had two friends for a sleepover last night and he was struggling to cope with that too!

He’s a lazy sod @Missthe1975 make him parent his own child for the paltry amount of time he has her.

Don’t be the nanny with a fanny!

It isn't really working out. I could not raise a mans daughter after raising my own and they are only a few years older than his.

In what way was he struggling with a teen sleepover?

Oh dear @Missthe1975 He "struggled to cope" with your daughter doing very normal teenaged things. Is this the first time he's taken his child out so early for a walk? Sounds a little passive aggressive after his controlling comment.

Getting stressed they’d wake his daughter up giggling!

Honestly OP he sounds like a complete wet lettuce.

What does he bring to your life other than his anxiety....

I'm surprised she didn't want to join in.
Teenage girls I know would have been "awww she's so cute" and started painting her nails and doing her hair.
Seriously....you both aren't ready for a blended family.

Oh ffs… he sounds insufferable. I’d suggest it’s not working and ask him to move back out. It’s not fair on your daughter. This time with a teen is lovely and you should be enjoying this phase of her life together. If you really like him enough to want to continue the relationship, there’s nothing wrong with living apart. Did he propose moving in with you or the other way round?

Agrée with the consensus - he sounds like a crap dad. Lack of sleep is par for the course when you’re a parent - strange that it’s taken him 8 years and he still hasn’t worked that out.

Nothing wrong with her getting up a bit earlier and putting the TV on but 3 hours is far too long and in someone else’s house too.

This doesn’t sound workable op and think that he should move back out. As you’ve said you’re almost at the end of the heavy lifting of parenting and you don’t want to go back to it.

He wanted to move in ages ago and I said no…

Totally agree with this.

FFS yet another blended family thread. Move him back out!!

My ex used to do jobs badly on purpose (housework etc) so that I would have to do them. Then cry this when I questioned it. Then say I made him feel on edge when I asked him to do things I knew he couldn’t…

Your partner might be anxious. He might not.

But anxiety doesn’t mean you have to pick up his slack.

This is not working and it’s going to have a serious negative impact on your Dd. Ask him to move out. She is still a child and she deserves better than this useless man trying to shift his responsibilities onto you.

What steps is he taking to manage his anxiety? This is just a general question, I still think you should tell him to move out. But if really annoys me when people expect others to accommodate their mental health issues whilst doing nothing about these themselves.

He needs to go. This isn’t fair on your DD, iit isn’t fair on his DD, and it isn’t fair on you. You can still date whilst living separately (if he hasn’t now given you the ick), but living together isn’t working for anyone.

I agree he sounds like a wet lettuce. But assuming you’re staying together and want to solve the initial problem, what time does the child get up at her mum’s and is she left alone for 3 hours there too? The answer to that will partly determine how you tackle it in your house. What time does she go to bed? How does she feel about being left to her own devices for 3 full hours every morning (bored silly I would think!)?
And yes, earplugs for you and your DD if you are light sleepers. An 8 year old singing to herself a bit to pass the time during the daily 3 hours of solitude shouldn’t be problem. Poor kid.

Why did you change your mind?

What a controlling cznt. Get him out of your DD’s home. How dare he.

I’d be amused to observe his demeanour when he returns for the rest of the day ….. probs need a lie down with the fatigue and will dump his DD on you and your DD as he’s done his bit and you will be expected to prep all the meals. I would scoot out either by yourself or with your DD for the whole day and leave him stewing with fatigue and responsibilities.

He’s fallen asleep on the sofa! So I’m going out