Partners daughter wake up time

[Missthe1975]

Just wondering if this is normal? I’ve lived with my partner for just over 3 months but we’ve been together 3 years. He has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He shares contact with his ex and has his daughter approx 35% of the time. Since we moved in together and she has stayed over I’ve noticed she wakes at around 6am and takes herself downstairs to watch TV and he gets up with her about 9am on weekends and in the school holidays. When she gets up she is generally quiet but there are some mornings when she sings around the house and it wakes me up or my daughter (15). I feel like leaving her alone for 3 hours is a long time and I’ve communicated this to him. He said he would change and start getting up with her but I’ve noticed this week she’s now back with us and it’s been 9am every morning since Monday that he’s got up with her. I always got up when my daughter was this age. Is this simply differing parenting styles?

I heard her wake and move around just before 6am and I gave him a nudge. She hasn’t been singing this time. She must be so bored. I went out with my daughter yday afternoon and when i came back he was playing with the outdoor chalks I’d bought her on the back. In the time I was out with my daughter he sent me 3 photos of her. I felt like that was to try and make me feel bad for not taking her with us and leaving them in the house

You've convinced us all he's a loser OP, no need to keep adding more evidence!

Are you going to talk to him about it?

@Missthe1975 I’m afraid it sounds like this guy isn’t who you thought he was now you’re seeing how pathetic a father he is. He is a teacher ffs and is “anxious” about parenting his own child for two weeks?!? wtf? What does he think her mum does for the other 50 weeks of the year?
A teacher with weeks off over the holidays does not need to lie in until 9 each day. Surely 8am is a lie in? Compared to normal working day. And also most of us non teachers don’t get long lies over the summer as we have to parent AND work!

He sounds pathetic and I couldn’t be with him after seeing this side of him. He thinks you talking to him is “controlling”? So he has an issue when people try to get him to step up? And set boundaries? This guy is full of red flags- chuck him. Poor daughter.

In the time I was out with my daughter he sent me 3 photos of her. I felt like that was to try and make me feel bad for not taking her with us and leaving them in the house
Yes I agree that is exactly what he was doing. At least you recognise this continued pressure to parent his child for what it is. How deeply unattractive.

She’s 8 not 3. She can wake up when she wants but I’d be telling an 8 year old no singing when others are still asleep. Why can’t she watch a film in her room? But in the end, I wouldn’t cowtow to a 15 year old slugabed either.

In a lot of these cases, I think you have to ask why he & the ex split up when their child was small. You’re seeing it for yourself now.

<eye roll>

What a load of old shit...
back in reality he's stressed and "anxious" there are some minimal requirements of responsibility and onus placed on him FOR lousy 2 WEEKS.

Amazed you are sexually attracted to a man this much of a dead beat dad...

He should be planning and taking her out to do fun stuff in this window of time he has.
Instead he is lamely doing an activity YOU organised by buying the chalk for him

His dds wake up time is fine. His lack of parenting / general selfishness is not.

I wouldnt build a life with a man like this.

I completely agree. He thinks it’s your job to step up and parent his child.

I would find all of this deeply unattractive and I’d be telling him it’s not working out and he has 2 weeks to move out.

You don’t need anymore evidence. Like others have said he’s not who he said he was. He’s a lazy fucker who says you’re the controlling one when you call him out on it. Please don’t waste any more of your time on this loser.

I think a couple of hours entertaining herself first thing would be a reasonable expectation of the average 8 year old, if she were getting more engagement from her DF when he gets up. In isolation, the lie in isn't the problem and a film would be a great idea. It's everything else.

She must be so bored. Not at home with her usual toys, no other children to play with. She's really reliant on her parent not to be fucking useless for this fortnight.

Exactly. She’s reliant on him and he’s letting her down every day.

I had 2 early walkers and it’s not unreasonable to ask them to stay in their room until 7 if she has a drink and some books to look at and then get up with her.

He could even leave her some breakfast out and get up at 8 but staying asleep so late and leaving her alone for so long is giving her a clear message that he doesn’t want her there and can’t be bothered enough to even get out of bed. I bet the poor little thing can’t wait to be back with her DM.

@Missthe1975 I don't understand.
You complain he isn't spending time with her.
You also complain that he is spending time playing chalks with her.
🤷

No I was pleased he was doing it with her but I found the 3 photos of her while I was out a bit like he’s annoyed I’ve taken my daughter out and not her too

Strange thinking.
I would have thought it's nice he is sending photos.
The more I read the more I think you just don't like either of them.
Time to end the relationship I am afraid.

OP are you just giving us updates to continue to annoy us or because you’re actually going to do something about this useless man you’ve moved in?

honestly I am so annoyed for his daughter and for you. He’s a selfish arsehole. 2 weeks of the holidays to get up with his child, it doesn’t even have to be every single day but it should be at least 5 days out of 7.

either kick him out or stop updating us tbh because if you’re not going to do anything about it, then what’s the point?

Yes that’s exactly what he was doing.You can see it all now - well done. He’s out to neg and punish you now if you don’t roll over and do his parenting for him. Deeply misogynistic as well - Ive seen this in my own family where my single brother will arrive at a family do with his toddler and expect the wimmin to automatically take care of her like he’s doing us a favour.

How much longer is the DD staying and what are your next steps?

What are you planning to do, @Missthe1975? Does he know how pissed off you are ?

Why’s he getting up so late and falling asleep again? He needs to go to bed earlier.

Sounds like you have taken on 2 children he has no intent of being responsible for his child while you are around. No reason why she cannot stay in her room later though to read etc though it sounds like when he was alone she was just left to her own devices.

I’m struggling to understand why you’re in this relationship. He’s got so many red flags and rather than running away you’re just putting up with it. Tell it’s not working and give him notice to leave.

I somehow missed this gem...

he teaches 5 and 6 year olds all day.

I am agog. Geniunely.
He is allegedly scared and anxious of looking after his own child for 2 weeks... when he is a TEACHER. He needs you.to suggest activities...

He has all school holidays off and doesnt have her for ant stretches of time?

His ex and him don’t co-parent well at all.
She can’t stand him now and they hardly communicate.

Colour me surprised.

He was renting before

Colour me more surprised. There's no one more in love than a man who needs tosave on rent a home.

I imagine it was more to prove he can dad effectively. Mine used to do the same.

I know. I just can’t work out why he doesn’t have an amicable relationship with his ex either.

Were you expecting an unrelated person to get up and take care of them instead?

To be honest it doesn't sound like the OPs partner expected that.
He was happy for his daughter to occupy herself. Which other than loud singing she was doing just fine.
There's nothing wrong with an 8 year old keeping themselves occupied doing their own thing at 6/7 am in the morning.

I'm not saying there is. The point is that she's waking everyone else up, and he doesn't seem concerned, i.e he doesn't give a fuck.