Partners daughter wake up time

[Missthe1975]

Just wondering if this is normal? I’ve lived with my partner for just over 3 months but we’ve been together 3 years. He has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. He shares contact with his ex and has his daughter approx 35% of the time. Since we moved in together and she has stayed over I’ve noticed she wakes at around 6am and takes herself downstairs to watch TV and he gets up with her about 9am on weekends and in the school holidays. When she gets up she is generally quiet but there are some mornings when she sings around the house and it wakes me up or my daughter (15). I feel like leaving her alone for 3 hours is a long time and I’ve communicated this to him. He said he would change and start getting up with her but I’ve noticed this week she’s now back with us and it’s been 9am every morning since Monday that he’s got up with her. I always got up when my daughter was this age. Is this simply differing parenting styles?

It sounds like you (both of you) weren't ready to blend families and live together.
Sorry 🙁

He's being an arse. This his actual child.

It's ok to ask an 8 year old to stay in bed until after 7 - provide her with books etc - but it's not ok for him to slack off, leave you to have interactions he should be having, and call you controlling.

If there isn't a dramatic reversal in the next couple of days I'd be moving back out.

He sounds a bit useless. Not an attractive trait.

He has raised the reddest of red flags @Missthe1975

You don't want an unsupervised 8 year old rumbling around on her own for 3 hours in your house and he won't parent his own child. He's the controlling one.

Give him notice to move back out.

That’s what people with low standards always say when you take issue with their standards.

I mean, in a sense though, he’s right; what time he gets up isn’t your decision to make.

Your decisions to make are whether you respect his parenting standards enough to leave him to it, or whether you feel that the standard is low enough that you should step in for his daughter’s sake and do the work on his behalf, and whether you can do that long-term without resentment and contempt building up that will eventually undermine your relationship.

Personally, I couldn’t be with a man whose parenting seemed sub-standard to me. I need to be able to look at my partner with respect and admiration.

Well then he can move right out and then he won’t be controlled anymore. Selfish arsehole.

We are on DARVO now - full house on the cocklodger bingo card.

Love = kindness + respect. How can you love someone who shows none to his own flesh and blood? Ick.

Man is a shit parent, is called up on it, and says that he’s “being controlled.” How original. 🙄

News flash: OP gets to decide whether children are left unattended in her home for hours in the am and whether they’re left to their own devices at bedtime whilst Daddy sleeps. Don’t like it? Off you fuck, Love. Enjoy living in your childhood box room at Mummy’s.

Your poor daughter, how shit for her having this bollocks land in her home at this age.

Oh yes, off he goes then. I'm sure he'll be so much happier not having some poor woman doing the work for him being "controlled" eh?

@Missthe1975 it must be quite a shock for you to discover that he cannot even comprehend that his attitude towards parenting is, at the very least, mediocre.

Perhaps your relationship is otherwise golden which compensates for his highly unattractive behaviour 🤷

You may well be wise to have a wee rethink.

He's anxious about parenting his own daughter ffs! He sound lazy and a crap father. He's probably trying to outsource his child care to you. All of this especially the anxiety would give me the ick. Cock lodger springs to mind.

Just get rid of him. He's useless

Controlling = shut the fuck up.

Crying, anxious and controlling in one day from a dude who moved into your house 3 months ago. For a bingo full house you need:

He’s not yet contributing to the house as he ‘has debts to clear’.

He has reduced his maintenance recently due to increasing his shared care to 35%.

You pay most of the bills (and food) and he pays ‘board’ because it’s your house.

You do the majority of household chores because you did them anyway.

You do the top up shops mid week. He appears not to notice the milk has run out.

You encouraged him to see his daughter more than he did when you met him. If this is true maybe look at whether it is in her interest to be away from her mum.

Op watch him carefully, is he really a bloke you want your child to grow up with? His daughter sounds great - mature to entertain herself at 8 and behave nicely for 3 hours. Do you think this is down to your partner or her mother? Maybe she sings a lot at her mum’s, my daughter sings all the time and I love listening to her (even at 7am). I’d far prefer my dd at home with me (I am up and about from 5/6am each day) than sat alone while her dad languishes in his pit / dressing gown of doom saying his partner is controlling and being anxious about spending time with my dd.

Op really observe him I’m not sure he’s a great find.

3 hours is too long to be by herself. He needs to step up. You cannot be a parent and expect to lie in til 9 am every day. He doesn’t sound like a functioning adult. Not attractive.

My 8yo will get up at 7 and watch tv for a couple of hours at the weekend, usually joined by her 12yo sister after an hour. My DH has chronic health issues so it's my only chance for a break.

She can make herself breakfast too - usually cereal, sometimes toast. Although more often than not will just have an apple (or 3 🙈).

I don't see a problem bar too much screen time.

It’s not quite the same though is it? It sounds like it’s every day pretty much that he has her as he sees himself as ‘on holiday’.

By saying he needs to look after his child?

Oh dear. This tells you everything you need to know. Massive red flag.

Personally I'd control him right out of my house.

If he can manage an entire class of children he can manage his daughter.

I think getting up at 9am is incredibly selfish. Don’t get me wrong when my children got older I would have a lie in occasionally, but never ever that late and not every day.

just being on the sofa with her watching tv, fetching her breakfast for her feels pretty Caring to me, choosing to be in bed is a bit gross and icky tbh.

Imagine accusing someone of controlling you because they have pointed out that you need to parent your child

What a complete waste of space he is

Totally normal. My eldest DS is 16 and he’s always been an early riser. He used to get up at 5am, from as young as 5 and take himself downstairs to watch TV. No biggie, he’s survived unscathed.

He needs to move out. Find a place where he can raise his own child and if you really want to (though I’m not sure why) you can date him.

He’s clearly using you for your home and your childcare. The calling you controlling thing is designed to keep you in your box and prevent you asking him to parent his own child 🙄

I bet he calls his ex controlling too and indeed anyone who wants him to step up and be a better man/parent.

Get rid.

I suspect it’s not quite going to plan for him. He was probably expecting OP or quite likely OP’s daughter to do the parenting for him. Then when that doesn’t happen he’s suddenly ‘anxious’ and when his lack of adult skills is pointed out he pulls the ‘controlling’ card. FFS.