Would you lend money to family for private surgery costs?

[BarefootOnSand]

A relative has been told she needs an operation. It’s nothing life threatening but she is having some symptoms including pain and has been told she will probably need to wait about 10 months, possibly longer, for the op.

She has seen a specialist privately who agrees she needs the operation and it could be done in 3-4 weeks.

She has approached my partner to ask if we could lend her the money. My partner said no but she has asked him to think about it, talk to me and has suggested an amount she could pay back each month. Based on the estimated amount for the op and the amount she can pay back, it would take almost 5 years for us to get the money back. There is also the possibility of it costing more if there are any complications. We can afford it but don’t like lending money to anyone. The last time we lent money to another family member, we only got about half of it back and that was much later than agreed.

What would you do? It’s hard to say no because she is family and we can see she is suffering with symptoms but we also don’t want to lend money. We don’t know if we will get it back and are worried about her needing more. We could say all our money is tied up and we have kids at university which cost a lot so we have reasons we could give. We don’t want things to be awkward but I think they will be now if we say no. We don’t think she would get a loan due to financial issues in the past but she has been stable more recently so maybe she would and we should suggest trying to get one.

My partner is seeing her at the weekend and I’m sure she’ll ask again so we need to decide.

Why not offer to loan her half the money ?

If you can afford to gift her some money and are willing to you could offer her that.

For example if she needs 12k you could say you have looked at your finances and you can gift her 2k towards her operation if she can raise the other 10k from a bank loan or other sources. Say thatt's all you can afford with all your outgoings - uni etc.

Personally I'd rather throw in a smaller amount with no expectation of being paid back rather than a large amount, taking 5 years to be paid back and causing everybody stress. I wouldn't give her the money until she has the other funding in place. It's not a no-strings gift - it's for the operation only.

I would wonder why an adult can't get a loan for this amount themselves though to be honest. You could alternatively offer her to come round and look at "best buy" loans e.g. on Money Saving Expert with you and do some soft searches that won't affect her credit rating to see if she is likely to be approved. If she has never had a loan perhaps she doesn't know how to go about it.

Banks love lending money, that's literally why they exist.

If she hasn't gone to the bank or has been refused, then what does that tell you?

She needs to wait, or take a loan.

Absolutely NO. Why can't her husband get a bank loan? Why don't they use a 0% interest credit card? Why aren't they using the repayment plan offered by the Clinic?

5 years to repay is at least 3 years too long.

If I could afford to give it as a gift yes, otherwise no.

Can't she borrow the money from her Bank? A personal loan.

So she has a certain amount of funds in order to pay to have a private consultation.

I was in a private hospital today and all over the walls were posters outlining various 0% finance options to fund treatment, ways to spread the cost etc. Why can't she go down that route? And if its because her credit score is up the creek then I wouldn't feel comfortable lending to her.

Absolutely not , 5 years is a long time . Youd be wondering each month if you'd get a payment, could you do that for 5 years ? . She may not pay you back. Id actually bet money she wouldnt pay you back

Absolutely not.

if she wants it now she needs to get a loan. If something goes wrong then you won’t get your money back. Leave the risk to the bank

No, only go private if have health insurance the costs add up so fast if any complications or need ICU after surgery

I also assume it’s gallbladder surgery. Has she tried managing it through diet? I ate an exceedingly boring and low fat diet for months to manage my gallstones before surgery. It’s boring but worth a try.

What's that saying about fool me once? You simply aren't an ATM. Stop being taken for a mug op.
What happens if she can't pay?

5 year repayment plan?! If a friend told you this, would you encourage her to loan the cash? It’s an insanely long time. I’d be hard faced and say no. Your dp just needs to tell her you’re not in a position to help/don’t have that kind of money to lend.

Many private hospitals do offer their own payment plan for costs of treatment. Sometimes this can be interest free for a period of time too - not sure if that would be a viable solution

I wouldn’t but I’ve lent money to my dsis in the past and never got it back so I am very cautious now

I would give her say 10% and help her find the balance by researching 0% credit cards or similar. The issue with private treatment, apart from the cost of the operation itself, is the prohibitive costs of any aftercare if things don't go to plan with the recovery time.

She could have asked for a second opinion from the NHS. She could have asked if there are other NHS trusts who could have done the op sooner.

Is it you can afford it as in
a) that money is above what you need even for a fun life with nice holidays?
b) if you scrimped and saved a bit you could make it work?

If it's a I would do it in a heartbeat, if it was b I wouldn't unless the operation was life saving.

I think you’ve answered your own question.

Hello there. Private hospitals offer a repayment plan for the cost of surgery. We looked into this quite recently as my daughter had to have surgery but after 5 years of her being in pain and this was seriously affecting her ability to care for her young children, I decided to pay towards the surgery.
I think your relative should look into this kind of financial plan with the hospital and then she can repay them not you.

No!!! If the symptoms get worse then she will get up the list faster on the NHS so she just has to keep on at her doctors and get a loan herself from a bank etc!

I wouldn't lend it. Sets a precedent - as you are finding out!

Your money is all tied up for DCs - You can't wait 5 years for it to be repaid - Just no, sorry.

It's unreasonable of her to ask and repeat the request after you saying no in the first instance. If it were to save her life then that would be a different story, if you had the money and could comfortably lend it.

I would it it was an elderly parent that I trust but even then I would take certain steps.

I would tell her that your savings are for emergencies and if you give her the money you will have no fall back and five years is a long time with no money.

Firstly, without committing I would ask her for details of the costs, copies from the hospital with worst case scenario. What happens if it goes wrong? My friend paid privately for elbow surgery, it went wrong and she hasn't worked since, if she had loaned the money she would have had no income to repay it.

If I agreed to lend the money, I would have a written agreement signed and dated by all parties. Do not give them the money, insist on paying the hospital directly. The agreement would say how much was being lent (make it clear there will be no more), what the payment terms are and that if she misses three payments you have the right to enforce repayment through the courts. also tell her payments are to be made by bank transfer and not cash so there can be no misunderstanding about what has been paid. Make it a legal debt is what I am saying.

You can get some rough ideas with AI, I have just asked about knee replacements and this was the answer:

"Typical price ranges (2026)

• Total knee replacement: £10,000–£17,000 (average £15,138)
• Partial knee replacement: £8,500–£14,000
• Arthroscopy / keyhole procedures: £3,500–£6,500

🏥 Why prices vary Costs depend on:

• Hospital group (London hospitals often charge more)
• Surgeon/anaesthetist fees
• Implant type (robotic-assisted surgery is pricier)
• Length of stay"

I have to say you are not making her sound like the safest bet, my inclination would be to say no as you don't want money issues to sour the relationship.

If you give it I’d gift it entirely and say it’s given as a gift, no need to pay back but you won’t be giving any more.

I myself have just had an operation on the NHS, had been waiting since January. I’m opposed to private healthcare for myself anyway so didn’t look into this as an option but I’d give the money to someone who needed to pay because they had a very poor quality of life and this could significantly improve it for them. Mine was tolerable but rubbish every few weeks and I’m very grateful for our nhs.