Would you lend money to family for private surgery costs?

[BarefootOnSand]

A relative has been told she needs an operation. It’s nothing life threatening but she is having some symptoms including pain and has been told she will probably need to wait about 10 months, possibly longer, for the op.

She has seen a specialist privately who agrees she needs the operation and it could be done in 3-4 weeks.

She has approached my partner to ask if we could lend her the money. My partner said no but she has asked him to think about it, talk to me and has suggested an amount she could pay back each month. Based on the estimated amount for the op and the amount she can pay back, it would take almost 5 years for us to get the money back. There is also the possibility of it costing more if there are any complications. We can afford it but don’t like lending money to anyone. The last time we lent money to another family member, we only got about half of it back and that was much later than agreed.

What would you do? It’s hard to say no because she is family and we can see she is suffering with symptoms but we also don’t want to lend money. We don’t know if we will get it back and are worried about her needing more. We could say all our money is tied up and we have kids at university which cost a lot so we have reasons we could give. We don’t want things to be awkward but I think they will be now if we say no. We don’t think she would get a loan due to financial issues in the past but she has been stable more recently so maybe she would and we should suggest trying to get one.

My partner is seeing her at the weekend and I’m sure she’ll ask again so we need to decide.

Like she wouldn't have Googled it and got a rough idea?

Unless you’re very wealthy, I think it’s a bit of a cheek to ask you for a loan with a 5 year repayment plan. It’s taking the piss to be honest with you.

Are there other relatives that could contribute? Perhaps someone closed?

It depends.
How close is the relative
How desperate is she for the operation? If she has to wait 10 months what impact will that have on her
Can you afford to write off the money? Because that will probably happen.
Unless I was in absolute agony and couldn't cope with pain killers I would wait and have the operation on the NHS. I know people who have waited for hip and knee surgery and managed the pain well without it impact on their live while they have waited

Does the step-mum have anything to do with the relative who bailed out of repaying? Bit unfair to penalize her for somebody else's transgression. You could always insist on drawing up a written and signed document including repayment schedule.

No, I wouldn’t if they don’t have a good credit history. If they can’t get a loan from a bank, there’s a reason for ghat and that suggests they won’t be good at paying me back either. I presume it’s a hysterectomy or something like that? 9 months will soon go by and then it can be done free.

Depends what the op is, if it’s anything orthopaedic you can ask to use a non nhs hospital, there’s a scheme basically hips and knees

they can borrow from a bank. Interest on that amount isn’t a deal breaker.

A lot of private hospitals do a payment plan. She might not get one over five years though

She was given advice on symptom management but told the op is the only way to stop symptoms completely. They gave her information on when it could be done and the cost, we don’t know if she asked or they volunteered that. I don’t think she had any clue on how much it would be privately. She wouldn’t have googled it.

Most private hospitals will offer a payment plan.

How bad is her credit score that she hasn't been able to choose one?

So you're not married to your 'partner' and this person isn't a blood relative?
And five years to pay it back ??
Sod that for a game of soldiers.
Suggest she goes and taps up some other mugs

It isn’t hard to say no. Bank loan or NHS. She has two other sensible options.

How much are talking about? Under five thousand, I may. Over that amount, maybe not. Five years is a long repayment time.

Also, it would depend on her quality of life. if she can manage, but in slight pain, then no. If she’s in debilitating pain, and it would seriously improve her life, then I may consider it.

Has she considered other options such as an osteopath? They can work wonders for pain.

Actually, a hospital payment plan or bank loan is a good alternative.

Yes, if a family member is in need and you can afford it, you help. If you won’t miss the money just give it to her. Why on earth wouldn’t you?

Talk about tight, its family.

This. I wouldn’t bankroll someone else’s surgery. There will also be costs for follow up appointments and no guarantee of total relief. Could she go on a cancellation list for NHS? Is the condition seriously impeding her life such as preventing her working?

9 months isn’t very long.
If it’s going to take her 5 years to repay with the best will in the world it will get to 18 months and she will need something else in life and your payments will get bumped.
What about your DH’s dad, her husband?
What about her own family?
I know it’s hard but these things never end in the person paying it back and it ends up badly.
If you can afford to lose the money easily then fine. If you can’t, no.

No, that relative was on my side of the family. We said we wouldn’t lend anyone money again after it though as the situation became very uncomfortable.

You’re quite right not to want to lend her the money. Especially as you’ve done so in the past to another family member and not got all of it back.

My suggestion is to simply say you this isn’t something you can help her with. No explanation.

She could get a loan to pay for it over a 5 year term. This is not your responsibility, although family seem to think you’re a bank!

No. She can wait 10 months by the sounds of it. Anything could change in 5 years - you might need the money yourselves or she might become unable to repay. If she could repay quicker and it was a more serious surgery then maybe.

The OP says why on earth in the opening post...

"We don’t know if we will get it back and are worried about her needing more."

No it isn't - she's not married to her partner and this person isn't a blood relation.

No.