Would you lend money to family for private surgery costs?

[BarefootOnSand]

A relative has been told she needs an operation. It’s nothing life threatening but she is having some symptoms including pain and has been told she will probably need to wait about 10 months, possibly longer, for the op.

She has seen a specialist privately who agrees she needs the operation and it could be done in 3-4 weeks.

She has approached my partner to ask if we could lend her the money. My partner said no but she has asked him to think about it, talk to me and has suggested an amount she could pay back each month. Based on the estimated amount for the op and the amount she can pay back, it would take almost 5 years for us to get the money back. There is also the possibility of it costing more if there are any complications. We can afford it but don’t like lending money to anyone. The last time we lent money to another family member, we only got about half of it back and that was much later than agreed.

What would you do? It’s hard to say no because she is family and we can see she is suffering with symptoms but we also don’t want to lend money. We don’t know if we will get it back and are worried about her needing more. We could say all our money is tied up and we have kids at university which cost a lot so we have reasons we could give. We don’t want things to be awkward but I think they will be now if we say no. We don’t think she would get a loan due to financial issues in the past but she has been stable more recently so maybe she would and we should suggest trying to get one.

My partner is seeing her at the weekend and I’m sure she’ll ask again so we need to decide.

good decision OP

I would if I could afford it , yes , especially if there is a good relationship there , & more so if the poor woman is in pain .

Why don't you tell us what the operation is for?
That's a relevant factor in considering your question.

I had a private op and then required healthcare following it from nhs, I wasn’t turned away. People pay taxes and are going private due to waiting times

This would need to be gift. If you can afford it great, if you can't then don't.

You can’t understand any situation whereby someone might ask a wealthy family member for a loan of money?

Not everyone who is asked is wealthy though..

my SIL asked us to put up security to support a loan for her that she said she would pay off quickly. fortunately we didn’t as she declared bankruptcy a few months later.

Her DM was constantly lending her money too. One lot was supposed to buy her dentures and dental treatment which she spent on a motorbike MIL didn’t know she had bought.

there’s some piss takers out there. Chances are if SM hasn’t been great with her own funds, she isn’t going to be good at repaying a family loan from the ‘wealthy lot” and resentment will build.

Fully aware of that - I am one of said people who has had to pay! 10 years ago private healthcare was just a luxury for the very wealthy who wanted a fancier hospital stay.. now it’s becoming a necessity, even for those who can’t really afford it.

It’s great that you were able to access NHS follow up but increasingly this isn’t the case for a lot of private patients we see. Lots of trivial things like GPs refusing to check wounds, prescribe further pain medication post-op, refer for physiotherapy etc as the patient was seen privately. I (and my colleagues) completely disagree with it but it’s just the way things seem to be going. Ridiculous when people are paying taxes whether they like it or not!

I’ve given the information I feel comfortable giving. People have given me their opinions and advice without knowing without knowing what the operation is. If you can’t then that’s fine.

We have decided not to lend the money anyway as I said in my last post.

This NHS funding hips and knees in non NHS hospitals doesn’t applying all parts of the UK.

THIS

If it was someone close ie a parent and I could afford, I would probably just pay it and not expect the money back. 10 months is not as bad as some wait times ie a knee is about 3 years!

No.

Some good pain relief should tide her over, it’s not life or death. She will be pushed up the waiting list if clinically necessary. I would say you don’t have the money.

I would only do this for my children and parents, my best friend and possibly a sibling. I would never even consider doing it for anyone else. A go fund me might work? Everyone can contribute in her life.

I just did for my sister . Was £17,000 and she is paying me back next year. Not sure about loaning if it’s coming back over 5 years . I would have just given it to her. Do the hospital not offer a payment plan? Or does that push the price up?

If it’s gallbladder surgery by any chance I would. It really ruined my life as the pain as so bad. I would rather give birth again.

Gosh, people can be very mean and tightfisted on here!

• She's a relative who your partner is in regular contact with
• she's in pain now (extraordinary comment from someone that the 9 months will pass quickly, wtf!)
• you can afford it.
• it may have taken a great deal for her to ask

Unless their is previous bad history with this person in your lives, i would say this is a no brainer. You get one life, use it well, be kind. Do as you would be done by.

Good decision OP.

Says someone who clearly has not been shafted for £10,000!!!!

Don’t imperil your relationship by lending money that may never come back.

There is pain relief in the first world the last time I checked.

Wow you spend other people's money very easily 😂

Probably not, unless the condition was life threatening or the pain so severe that it was extremely debilitating. I had a knee replacement end of last year. I was in pain every day and it affected my mobility. I waited 13 months from being put on the list. It's just something lots of us have to do. Coincidentally, my neighbour had a knee replacement before me but she went private. She now needs the other one doing and has said this time she'll use NHS as the private hospital was awful.

No I wouldn't. Unless I could afford to lose the money permanently. 10 months isn't that bad? I mean I get it if the surgery was impossible on the NHS but if they've accepted them for it then I'd hope they could wait.

You’ve turned ‘I wouldn’t lend £15,000’ into ‘you’re not kind.’ That’s emotional blackmail, not an argument. Just because they have the money it doesn’t mean they have a moral obligation to become someone’s bank, especially when there is something on the public system eventually . Compassion goes both ways, it’s easy to spend other people’s money.

Absolutely not. It will be much more awkward chasing them trying to get your money back if they don’t pay you back. Make up an excuse that you’ve invested most of your savings if you feel awkward just saying no. It would be unreasonable of her to fall out with you both if you say no that way

Good decision, she shouldn’t of put you in that position to begin with. 15k is a lot of money, and considering it’s not life saving and only a ten month wait very cheeky to ask!

If you give the money, that's what it is - a gift. If you treat it as a loan, you won't get it back and that will cause tension.